My husband and I have been married 2 yrs and together for 4 yrs. He thinks if you don't physically touch the other person its not cheating , I disagree. what about the emotions of it all? Am I just over reacting?
2006-11-09 12:27:04 · 34 answers · asked by Mrs.J Snow 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
about the question "What is cheating?" Understanding that the left hemisphere of the brain is used for more logic and systematic thinking and the right hemisphere of the brain is used for more abstract and emotional thinking, here is how I processed the question, and the words married also are for the newest generations calling it a relationships, couples, and etc. the main point is two people devoted to loving the other and only the other.
(Please, no email offering assessments on possible mental disorders that I may have.)
Left Brain: In the context of marital infidelity, cheating is when a married individual has intercourse with a person to whom they are not married.
Right Brain: No, wait. Must it be intercourse? Or, could it include any kind of "sexual contact?"
Left Brain: Hmm... Alright. How about this: In the context of marital infidelity, cheating is when a married individual has sexual contact with a person to whom they are not married.
Right Brain: No, wait. What about the emotional element. What about the feeling?
Left Brain: Hmm... Alright. How about this: In the context of marital infidelity, cheating is when a married individual has sexual contact and emotional attraction to a person to whom they are not married.
Right Brain: No, wait. What about a "one night stand?" Emotional? Lust, maybe. But, emotional? Apples and oranges.
Left Brain: Hmm... Alright. How about this: In the context of marital infidelity, cheating is when a married individual has sexual contact and/or emotional attraction to a person to whom they are not married.
Right Brain: Emotional attraction? Any emotional attraction? Really?
Left Brain: Hmm... Alright. How about this: In the context of marital infidelity, cheating is when a married individual has sexual contact and/or inappropriate emotional attraction to a person to whom they are not married.
Right Brain: Wait! Why are we doing this?
Left Brain: You know. We get asked this question all the time. People want to know if they or their spouse is guilty of committing "cheating" in order to understand what just happened and then to begin the recovery process.
Right Brain: Hmm... How about this: In the context of marital infidelity, cheating is however the offended spouse defines it.
Left Brain: I hate it when you do that.
(Again, please, no email offering assessments on possible mental disorders that I may have. I already know of them.)
2006-11-09 12:42:54 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
It depends on what the definition of 'Is' is....
If you are in a relationship with someone, then your actions effect them also. If he spent a lot of time on the Internet chatting with someone in a non-sexual but intimate way, it would be considered having an emotional affair, even if there was no sex involved.
Sex appears to be more sacred to you than it does to him. The fact that you are upset should be enough for him to consider stopping. He is not Mr. Single Guy anymore, he is 1/2 of a team that has to work together in a relationship. If he is doing something to tear the relationship apart, then he should stop. You feed the fantasy of having sex with someone other than your wife, then eventually you might not be able to fight the temptation.
I don't know what floats his boat or if you have any children. The opportunities for role play and and other activities with your spouse is only limited to the imagination. You should do it out of enjoyment, not competition.
What ever the point, every action has a reaction. Since your reaction is negative, he should respect that. If he is wanting more than plain vanilla in the bedroom, he should be coming to you for a solution, not some stranger over the Internet.
2006-11-09 12:39:44 · answer #2 · answered by Mr Cellophane 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Definately not overreacting, you have EVERY right to question that situation. But it's hard to say whether it's truly cheating. The emotional bonding that may go on is the biggest part, I think.... it depends how close they've gotten. Although, if this is only on the internet, never meeting in person, it's not the same and not as bad as emotionally bonding with someone else in person.
2006-11-09 12:42:52 · answer #3 · answered by darkrose_09 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
My motto on cheating is: Don't say or do anything that you won't say or do in front of your mate, married or not, living together or not. If you can do that, you are not cheating. That to me covers everything there is possible out there. So I say yes to your questions, that is cheating, and no you are not over reacting. Does he want you to have a "friend" on the Internet that you can do that with behind his back?
2006-11-09 12:34:26 · answer #4 · answered by SapphireB 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
No you're not over reacting I would count it as cheating.
You should sit down and tell him how it makes you feel and if he really loves you he will consider your feelings, but if not then maybe you should find someone else.
You really should have talked about things like this before you got married to make sure you both were on the same page.
2006-11-09 12:51:22 · answer #5 · answered by Just me 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You are NOT overreacting....it is very hurtful...and physical or NOT the fact that he is thinking about being with or thinking about being intimate with another women IS cheating.. You've only been married 2 years...come on....what is his problem??? Maybe he's bored..spice things up a little....ask him why he thinks its OK?? Would he mind if you had a 'friend'????? If not then you may be heading down a rocky road...maybe he wants to join a swingers group and is testing the waters..... good luck.
2006-11-09 12:31:35 · answer #6 · answered by Lynne B 4 · 2⤊ 0⤋
I think when a guy does such a thing there really is no emotion involved it is all about getting off. I think it is very disrespectful and very wrong. He should be pleasing you and not being so selfish. It is also disrespecting you if he is showing his private areas to another woman. I don't think of it as cheating but would file divorce if my husband did such a thing.
2006-11-09 17:58:45 · answer #7 · answered by luvlisteningtomusic 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You bet your bippy it is. If it's not cheating, it's still betrayal. I wonder if he'd like it if the tables were turned. Tell him you thought it was such a cool idea, you've found a cyber soul mate, too. Now there's no need for emotional involvement with each other.
2006-11-09 12:33:41 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
A married person sharing intimacies with someone other than the spouse is definately cheating. It doesn't matter what the media is. I'm sure he would consider it cheating if you were doing it.
2006-11-09 12:31:33 · answer #9 · answered by sexmagnet 6 · 2⤊ 0⤋
I've been talking with people for over ten years about the same issue. Almost everyone I've ever spoken with considers online 'relationships' cheating. I agree with you, especially about the emotional attachment.
Is he willing to discontinue the relationship? Are you going to forgive him?
2006-11-09 12:37:24 · answer #10 · answered by wanninonni 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋