why should i stay with my husband?

Question

hes always telling his friends lies about me just so they feel sorry for him.been married to him 17 yrs. he has never been able to get an erection but i always had sex with him.i mean after 17 yrs of fakeing it .he knows its because of that but im to blame for not haveing sex.plus hes an over the road truck driver gone 2-3 weeks at a time i have 2 boys from a previous marriage hes never done anything for them.i had a baby girl 14 years ago she belongs to him when hes home he never spends any time with her but she loves him.i think she would hate me if i ever get rid of him.hes one of those guys that kind of have a pouty girl side to them which makes me sick.im responsible to work my 8 hrs at a job.take care of the house take care of my daughter make sure all the bills are paid.he shows no respect when he does come home we dont hardly speak hes in the living room im in my bedroom. there is nothing there between us im tired of pretending... what shold i do please help.

Answer 1

From what you described, this is not a good marriage at all. It is clear that you two are unhappy. It appears that little to no communication is going on and communication is the key to all relationships. If you two want to save the marriage, this is what I recommend that you all do;

First talk, talk, talk. Get the kids out the house for a while and you guys need to talk to each other and find out what has gone wrong in the relationship. Tell him things that makes you unhappy in the marriage and ask him to tell you the same. Do not argue. You two need to have an honest, adult conversation

Do not hear each other, but listen and understand each other. It is important that the words that you all are saying do not go in one ear and out of the other. Listen and understand. If you don't understand, ask questions.

Once you all have gotten your feelings out in the open communicated, & listened to each other, then talk about ways that you all can make things better. Date night, movie night (at home with children) take a trip together every now and then are some ways you all can rekindle the romance.

Next, talk about his time with the children. Sometimes, people may not know that they are doing something wrong because they are not being told. So tell him how you feel about him not spending time with the boys and girl. Let him know that he plays an important role in their lives and he does not want the children growing up saying "I was never close to my dad/ stepdad".

As for the sex, well..you can tell him what you like done to you and what makes you feel good doing sex. Ask him, what turns him on. Again that goes back to one important word, Communication.

NOW
If you do not wish to save the marriage, just be honest with him and let him know. If two people do not wish to stay in a marriage and do not love one another, then there's no need in living in a dysfunctional household. I see no need in allowing the children to witness the unhappiness and distance relationship that there parent's have. It may hurt the children, but you all would have to explain to them that you all love them and this is the best decision at this time. Counseling for the children (especially the daughter) may be necessary if you all decide to divorce. I wish you well. 17 years is a long time to throw in the towel without really trying to work it out. Good Luck.

Answer 2

AAAHHH!!!!!!!!!! Once again, the story of the the couple who were lying to avoid hurting the other one's feelings instead of telling the truth. There's nothing here, as it appears, left to be salvaged. It sounds like you tried but no longer have the energy in your body, the will left in your spirit, and the love in your heart to carry on. These stories always make me sad. It seem like one of these days I'm gonna take a poll of how many people on here hate their current relationship. I bet not every person will answer, but the one's who do will be the ones who want out.

Since you have mentioned all the negatives regarding your relationship, you need not to ask "Why should I stay with my husband?" but rather mention any of the positives, if there are any, along with the negatives. Then i could give you a definite answer.

Since you have mentioned all of the negatives, I would have to say "Leave". It seems there is nothing to be salvaged since you did not make it a point to list a single positive. Before you make any decisions regarding wheather you should leave or not, ask yourself one thing "Why did I marry him?" And if your answer is no longer a present aspect with your current relaitonship, then end it. If your gonna go, you better go now.

Answer 3

When I was 17 my parents were going through the same thing. He was a truck driver and she was the one taking care of everything at home. My mom stayed with him because she didn't want to put me through that in court so she waited until I was 18. I was so mad at my mom I wish that she would have done it sooner. Either way it is going to be hard on your daughter but it is better to get it done and over with then to drag out the inevitable. Its time for you to start being happy and in time your daughter will understand why you did it.

Answer 4

Ask him if he's willing to go to marriage counseling with you. If he's willing, do it. That means he wants more too. If the counseling helps, great! If it doesn't, then there's no reason to stay with him. If he won't go to counseling, he doesn't want to improve the relationship. You should get out. It's sad to end a relationship, especially when children are involved. But it's better for your daughter to have parents who got divorced than to live in a broken environment. So see if you guys can fix it with help. If not, you've got to do what it takes to provide a safe, healthy home for your daughter. Good Luck!

Answer 5

It sounds to me that there is nothing left. It sounds like you are miserable. I don't think its just the sex either. Theres no communication, no joy when he comes home and not around for any of the children. It sounds like you can make it on your own. I know your daughter will be hurt by you leaving, but you guys could have so much more without him.

Answer 6

Honey I understand that you would want to stay there for your daughter. But she's not the one that's not happy it's you. And please believe she is not gonna be with someone cause you like them. Honey if it's nothing leave cause you are making your self miserable. And life is to short to be playing around with somebody that don't want you. And by the time he gets home to you he probably can't have an erection. Cause truck drivers are whores too.

Answer 7

I feel you have already found your answer seems you taking care of everything on your own now. Its time to talk to him and settle things and move on if he wants to see his daughter thats up to him and deal with that the best you can. I think you deserve some happiness lifes to short to have anything less good luck!

Answer 8

well i think that it will be hard, but the right thing to do is leave. BE STRONG. my mom left my dad when i was 15, im 21 now and if theres nothing between you dont waste your time. your daughter is probaly really strong and if you want her to have a man in her life that loves her then move on, she'll understand

Answer 9

Let's see, I married this jerk because I was so desperate and now I've completely messed up my life...but it's his fault because I'm so responsible and awesome...I can prove it because I stayed for 17 years and had sex with too. C'mon....grow up. You messed up your life....you stayed for 17 YEARS....not 2 weeks or 6 months....that's 17 YEARS......stop feeling sorry for yourself and make up your mind what you're going to do. You must have gotten something out of the marriage or you would'nt have stayed for 17 YEARS...that's YEARS!!!!

Answer 10

Sorry, but to put it bluntly, if I were in your shoes, I would kick him to the curb. Nobody deserves to be treated in that manner...especially not from their spouse. I suppose you could talk to him and see if you can fix things that way, or try some couples counseling.. but from what you said... it sounds like it may be a little late for that. I'm so sorry hun.