My husband left for another woman 1 year ago. About a month ago he started coming by to "see the kids." Then he started calling everyday to check in "with the kids." He then eventually wanted me to meet him for coffee. I thought that he would say that he is marrying the woman but he said that they broke up and he wants his family back. I didn't say "too bad" but I wanted to. I just said,"That is interesting" and that I would think about it. He then invited me to dinner. where we had drinks before hand in the restaurant bar. His girlfriend walks in with her female friends and she is shocked to see him. He says, "This is my wife." She smiles hangs out for a minute or two and leaves shortly thereafter. He said that he knew that she goes there every Thursday with her friends and he wanted to show me that he was choosing me. Should I give him another chance? I am dating but no serious involvement. I hated him for about 9 months but am over that. We have three kids under 8.
2006-11-09 11:55:52 · 19 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
I thought that it was juvenile to bring me to a place he knew that she would show up. A friend of mine asked "How would he show you that he was done with that other woman in some other way? Was there a better way to prove it?" I have no idea. First time in this spot.
2006-11-09 12:08:01 · update #1
No, I know that there are kids involved, but they can't keep having changes in their lives. I think he probably took you there to try to make her jelous. Even if it was for the reason stated, that is terribly immature, and he didn't tell you and used you. I say that (not to hurt your feelings) that you are easy, in the sense of, he knows you love him, he knows you will care for him, do laundry, cook meals, ect. and it is easy for him. I wouldn't trust him and I say go find a guy you deserve. Good luck
2006-11-09 11:59:46 · answer #1 · answered by Barbara C 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think you need to seriously think about whether you will trust him again. I do believe that people are capable of change. He may have realized that what he did was terrible, not worth the losses he suffered, and never do it again. He also may have done it because of something that was wrong with the marriage that needs fixing.
On the other Hand, he may just be the type of person who gives in to his urges, and will do it again. Either way, if you think you will always wonder if he will cheat on you, you're relationship will never work. You don't want to always worry every time he comes home late, or when there is another woman in his life(such as a coworker). Think about whether you can trust him, and whether you will trust him.
2006-11-09 20:07:10 · answer #2 · answered by Lawgirl 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I don't know, it kind of depends on what you're comfortable with. You sound really together, I think you will make a better decision than what any one of us could come up with. I would be very wary of a person who came back only after the "other" thing did not work out. This would not sit well with me at all. I think, a year is just about the time when one starts getting over the pain, and it would be a shame to go back, only to go through the same pain all over again in a few years. Good luck.
2006-11-09 20:01:43 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Most people deserve second chances. If you and him are still in love with eachother then i dont see why not. But i hope for your sake that he doesnt do it again to you. You will be hurt all over again. I think you should make him wait a little longer before you give him an answer. Make him sweat it out longer. If you trust that he will never do this again then take him back. Good luck hon
2006-11-09 20:02:29 · answer #4 · answered by michelle 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Unless you give him another chance, you will never know his real intentions. It is possible that he sincerely wants his family to take him back. Or, he could be using you to make his girlfriend jealous or use you until he finds another. Its your gut feel... But, if you do decide to give him another chance, remember to keep an open mind, talk things out instead of jumping to conclusions. Recommitting to a relationship after a 1-year break, you do tend to assume the worst at the first possible sign of any sort of misunderstanding.
2006-11-09 20:09:11 · answer #5 · answered by thunk 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think that you have to consider the reason that he left, and the reason he is 'hanging around' lately. This girlfriend...is she the same one that he left you for? If so, he gets restless fast, doesn't he? If not? well then, he gets restless fast, doesn't he? If someone else turns his head again-will he leave you again? It concerns me that he took you to a place where the girlfriend hangs out--so that you and she could both see who he is choosing. He sound immature and I think you need to seriously think long and hard about this. It doesn't leave me with a good feeling. Ask yourself the really tough questions--and then take your time. Good luck.
2006-11-09 20:04:03 · answer #6 · answered by Nisey 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
u just can't go back into a position of trust, , what he did to u needs to be communicated and boundaries need to be set, the boundaries are about u, and what u will not allow. communicate clearly what u expect from him, it's wise to wait and see before u make any decisions. is he repentant, does he acknowledge the hurt he gave u, is he sorry for it, or does he just want u back because it isn't working out with her?stand up for yourself, let him know there are consequences if it happens again. but this kind of hurt doesn't just go away like that, takes time to feel safe again.
2006-11-09 20:11:23 · answer #7 · answered by jude 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I would say yes, with you remembering a few simple rules:
don't let him move back in for 2 years. keep it as if you were dating him, he goes to his home every night. he fixes everything at your house, he gets the kids Mondays, Wednesdays Fridays and every other weekend to his self. if after 2 years and you coming up with a hundred more rules i would say that he truly wants to be with you and the kids as a family. then you move onto the next step, let him move in and give him the list of new rules too. every time you move up to the next step you need to remember that your getting that much closer to being one big happy family, and never forget the past... good luck with your decision.
2006-11-09 20:23:34 · answer #8 · answered by brian 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
OK, so he left you for someone else and takes you to a bar that his girlfriend frequents. It sounds to me like he wants to have his cake and eat it too. It's up to you if you let him get away with it. I think that he's confused and doesn't know what he wants. He wasn't ready for marriage and is playing a childish game. He didn't have to parade you in front of her - all he had to do was sit you down like an adult and truly tell you he was sorry etc. I say to suck it up and keep it moving. Don't pay him any attention, let him see his children. Don't go backward - go forward.
2006-11-09 20:03:36 · answer #9 · answered by Sasha 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
don't give this man any false hope. if u really want too get with this man then do it.. give em a second chance. maybe he wants u back because he realize he lost a good thing in his life and he wants it back.. at least he making an effort to get back with u . remember action speaks loudder than words. he can tell u he loves u but if he doesn't shows it to u then give em the finger.. peace..
2006-11-09 20:03:43 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋