Why do I still hate my father? How to overcome it?

Question

I don't remember having any kind of special relationship with my father, although I stayed with my parents for about 20 years. He was very abusive to my mother and to the kids too. But he would buy very expensive stuff for her and for us. Though he tried to be loving to us (kids) sometimes , I thought he was pretending and his attitude was very irritating for me, in other words I couldn't stand him, even now. I thought he was the most rude, cruel and selfish person on the earth. Of coures its more than 5 years that I am living in my house and visit my parents occasionally, but even for that short visit , my experinece is not very pleasant, because I don't like him at all. I love my mother, but don't want to visit her anymore because of my dad as they are staying together. My mother doesn't like him, but she just accepts what the life has to offer.
Please give me some advice, how to handle this situation.

Answer 1

You must know that he was probably treated the same as he grew up. Not saying that this is a good reason to act the way he did. You need to look at him as being sick emotionally. Your mom must be as well to be hanging around someone that she doesn't really love and allowing him to treat you as bad as you say he did. Your mom is not innocent either.

Answer 2

Tell your mother that as long as she continues to live with her abuser you can not visit in their home. Tell her that she can come visit you without him or you can meet for lunch/dinner and a day out somewhere but you will no longer be an enabler, which is just what you are doing. You can tell your father that you will no longer be visiting in the home as long as he is there and that he is not welcome in your's. It is quite natural for you to dislike your father, no man has the right to beat the mother of his children and all of those gifts he bought were simply an attempt to cover up his own guilt and shame for doing so. By staying with him your mother is enabling him, so he does not feel the need to get help for his problem. Your mother needs counseling to get her to realize that she DOES have a choice in this matter and that it is NOT what she has to accept. You need to implore your mother to seek help for herself because there may come a time when you get a call from the city morgue only to find your father has beaten her to death. She doesn't deserve that.

Answer 3

I am assuming you are an adult woman. I believe you have a right to your feelings. I have the same kind of emotions toward my own father. I do not try to minimize or excuse the reality of my life as I understand it. I am a fair and compassionate person, so I also try not to be petty or vindictive. But I remain in my space emotionally until some change occurs between the two of us. I owe that much to the little girl I will never be again.

Answer 4

try not to hate the person but it is ok to hate what he did. Look at him as the best living example of the worst sort of a father there ever was, and do not be shy about telling him how you feel he needs to know the pain he has caused, the only thing I would hesitate in telling his is if your mom might suffer because of it

Answer 5

The bible additionally mentioned you must honor your mum and dad and your days will probably be many! You shouldn't have a legitimate motive to hate your father. However, you've a legitimate motive to hate devil for the entire lies and strongholds he has over your brain. If you're a believer in Jesus Christ, then I advocate you are taking up the authority you've in him and particularly begin considering what you're considering and reject that which isn't from Him! I suffered with a number of the identical disorders as you probably did, and my victory was once in Jesus, He is the one one that may holiday down all that detest and anger and heel all that anguish with His love. However, you ought to be open to it, and particularly search His phrase and permit him to paintings in you. A guide that particularly helped me, is "Battle discipline of the brain" of Joyce Meyer. If you particularly wish to recover from this, and get a grip. The simplest method is to forgive. And simplest Jesus can difference your spirit to forgive folks who did you unsuitable. Good success...I'll maintain you in my prayers!!!

Answer 6

i think you should worry about you and try to deal with him and your mother is mature enough to deal with him but remember deep down inside what you really have is a love hate realationship

Answer 7

keep going to see your ma she needs you and you will learn how to forget maybe that's the way he was razed and don't know any other way bet he loves you a lot