Mind you we have been married for 2 years and have a 3 month old baby. He typed her name into a search engine and found her last year. They have been exchanging pics and emails all the time ever since. I sneaked into his emails yesterday and found a couple of pics of her. I also found a letter (long letter from her) where they talked about their past, even though she is also currently married and lives in another country now. Does this mean he never had any closure with her and is still secretly and emotionally attached to her? Why is he doing this and keeping it from me? Is he bored with me?
2006-11-09 11:40:49 · 34 answers · asked by Meliss 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
I think it's more a bit of nostagia, for his past and much younger days. Now he has a wife and baby, and perhaps is feeling a bit overwhelmed and trapped.
He can still be madly in love with you and happy with his lot, but a small part, misses his youth and freedom.
I've got in touch with old friends from my youth and had fun catching up with our lives. But eventually, the letters become rarer and shorter, and often just fade away.
so don't put too much store in what he is doing, although, I think he should have told you about her. But if you can easily get into his mail, he must know that. If he hasn't made his mail private and locked, then he isn't trying to hide it that much.
So just lay back, keep an eye on the letters, make sure, they aren't crossing that line, of just catching up.
2006-11-09 11:49:46 · answer #1 · answered by johnb693 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
well there is clearly some kind of attachment. If they have big experiences that tie them together like death or addiction or anything of that sort then the bond is not easy to break. It may not be a sexually bond but there is a connection. My ex was suicidal and i still check up on him every now and then... even though he is not anymore i worry. There is nothing wrong with seeing how someone is doing but if he talk to her every week and is clearly not helping her with any problem she might have then ring the alarm in your head. If your relationship changes also then ring the alarm. He just may be bored with you. Reinvent yourself. If you are too much of a yes woman the be less of that. If you are a no woman then be more of a yes. But there is only so much you can do. Good luck
2006-11-09 11:50:21 · answer #2 · answered by nya 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It seems like he's pretty bored with you, but I think that he has never found closure with his high school sweetheart of 15 years ago. You two should talk about this before it escalates. Because as you can see marriage and living in different parts of the world cannot keep two people apart. If you don't act immediately this will more than likely escalate very quickly.
2006-11-09 11:44:58 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
It doesn't necessarily mean no closure..it could be he's just getting sentimental as he gets older. I've been in touch with some old exes, decades later, but not because I had no closure, in fact, that had nothign to do with it...just curious how their lives were going.
As for why he didn't tell you, that's another issue. Have u asked him? Is there anything in the emails that concerns you? It may be that it wasn't a big deal for him at all, which is why he didn't tell you.
Good luck.
2006-11-09 11:45:28 · answer #4 · answered by Phoenix 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
1st of all from a trust standpoint, YOU would end up having to explain why you were in his email. The reality is, when you go looking for something, you almost ALWAYS find it.
By virtue of the fact that you were looking, suggests some sort of issue with him on your part, which can cause you to make something out of nothing. Unless you read something where they were making plans to meet up etc, then you are kinda making a mount out of a mole hill.
Lastly, I know the emotions that can follow having a baby. So, don't let what is a happy time in your life, become the devils stomping ground for insecurities, doubts, sneakiness etc.
If your husband hasn't not given you a REAL reason to doubt his love for you, don't use this...
Oh! He may be keeping it from you for the same reason we ALL keep some things to ourselves in marriage...HE'S HUMAN.
2006-11-09 12:48:41 · answer #5 · answered by Lady Albritton 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
sigh* i do not believe that your husband means anything bad with this, i'm sure he just wants to contact some old friends from the past for crying out loud its high school... besides you'd only "call up" important or good friends of the past to chat. Besides unless the topics within the email involve or underline a passion between them, there should be nothing to worry about... they probably want to catch up and remain friends as they were in highschool... being a highschool sweet heart means nothing, it just means they were involved in that way however you're his sweetheart now and he has chosen you above all else. i believe its wrong of you to question him unless you truly believe that he is flirting or cheating on you...which i doubt or unless you find real evidence that he's not being faithful
2006-11-09 11:49:47 · answer #6 · answered by endless dreamer 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I don't know; exchanging a few e-mails with your past "flame" is not uncommon - but to keep it up for a while is kind of weird, I think. You're probably right on about the "closure". Try asking him gently about it, it may be fairly innocent. I don't blame him for not telling you, it would only create problems; I don't normally tell my husband when I hear from someone from my past. But it is also true that I don't engage in regular conversations with them. So yeah, I don't really know, talk to him.
2006-11-09 11:49:48 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well, he may have started out just being curious, but this could get out of hand (if not already) and he could get emotionally attached to her.
You can't tell him that you snooped, that's for sure. So, here's what I would suggest: ask him if his 15 year reunion is coming up and whether he'd like for you two to go to it; and, tell him you'd like to meet his high school friends and hear their crazy stories. When he starts talking about his high school friends, be cool and find a way to work around to the ex girlfriend. Then, you can tell him how she sounds like a nice person and that you'd like to meet her too.
He just might start talking to you about her. Ask him if he can send her pictures of his family and get pictures of her family. Odds are, he'll stop emailing her and sending pics of just himself.
So,
2006-11-09 11:55:19 · answer #8 · answered by asperens 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Not if you think it will lead anywhere... You never know how jealous a wife can get in this kind of a circumstance, so you might want to be safe and not e-mail her. Do you love your wife? Do you still have feelings for your high-school sweetheart? Do you think that by e-mailing her, it will rekindle any unwanted forgotten feelings?
2016-03-28 00:51:13 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
It could be that he's just curious on how her life turned out. You read the email, was there anything for you to worry about? Was there talk of secretly meeting? If not, then don't worry.
He's probably hiding it from you because he fears that you might think exactly what you are thinking right now.
2006-11-09 11:43:35 · answer #10 · answered by Royalhinney 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋