it just feels like we are never on the same page. he has always been quiet and self reserved and i like to talk alot. i love him with all of my heart but if i say something hurtful i dont know it because he grew up not showing emotions because of parents. how can i help? i had a bad childhood and i really need reassurance from him, but he does not like to feel mushy.
2006-11-09 11:30:57 · 16 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
You are attempting the impossible. Most men, just don't like to open up with their feelings. We aren't brought up that way, and if his parents were closed mouthed, then you can't expect more from him.
All you can do, is love him, be there for him and try not to say hurtful things to him.
Time and patience should do much to help him to open up to you, just don't force it, let him find his own way and time to do it.
This is the man you fell in love with, and still love. Don't push the opening up part. It will happen when he's ready to do it.
2006-11-09 11:35:36 · answer #1 · answered by johnb693 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I can understand where you are coming from. I am in the same situation, my husband also came from a "non emotional" setting... I did as well- I was adopted, I dont know what your cicumstances are but I have been through the bad chidlhood and am also very talkative wher my husband looks at me like I have 3 heads somewtimes. BUT - I also learned that after moving to an entirely diffrent state he had a 7 month relationship with a woman who proceded to stalk me after he broke it off. I am also struggling with the "same page issue" I am not stupid just still love my husband and ok........... maybe still stupid
2006-11-09 20:02:22 · answer #2 · answered by thumpin 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Read the book, "Building Your Mates Self Esteem" The fact is, you were attracted to him because he was so quiet and had to be pursued. Now you have him and you want to change him. Your husband isn't a therapist. If you have hurts and damage from your childhood...everyone does, then get help. Don't expect your husband to be an emotional counselor. Men like to fix things, be straight with him and he will be straight with you. Most of time, men don't have time to figure you out so get some help and love him like he's the only one on the planet. Your love will cause him to open up....over time....years....It's called trust. Men aren't normally talkers either. You fell in love with him, you knew what he was like, you married him. Love him the way he is and get help for yourself. If you need someone to talk to, get a female friend who likes to talk....but NEVER NEVER NEVER talk about your problems between you and your husband...it's the best way to destroy your marriage.
2006-11-09 19:36:46 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
First off, men and women are different. If you're expecting him to be like you, you're going to have a full-time job trying to fix him (when he's not broken). Typically, men don't communicate very often and opening about their feelings. So, if you try to make him do it, he'll feel like a clam being ripped open.
If you ask a man how he feels, assuming he answers truthfully he'd say: "I feel horny." or, "I'm hungry." or "I'm tired."
You're experiencing what wives in general experience, multiplied by your negative family experience that causes you to need reassurance. You're going to have to realize that how he's acting and what you are feeling are both normal. Then, get off your campaign to change him.
You're best bet for feeling closer to him is for both of you to spend time doing what the other enjoys doing (ie: you go fishing/hunting/bowling/to gun shows or football games; and he goes antique shopping or whatever with you). You two have to enjoy being together before he'll start opening up more and talking to you about stuff.
My wife and i have been married for 35 years, and I didn't know until after we had been married for 10 years that she actually did want to know about all the things that happened in my day that I thought were insignificant.
2006-11-09 19:42:31 · answer #4 · answered by asperens 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Some men find this really difficult they love you deeply but cant show it openly perhaps you could sit beside him on the couch and caress his hair kiss him gently declare your undying love for him try this a few times to see if you get a good reation but not when his favorite show is on tv!!!
2006-11-09 19:39:31 · answer #5 · answered by john h 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
And yet you married him. You have to know, no matter how good things were before the wedding they change after. Just cuddle up to him and let your warmth spill over him and after a while ask him what he is thinking in a soft voice. You might be surprised.
Have you considered that even with you he might be shy?
2006-11-09 19:34:08 · answer #6 · answered by admiralgill 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You married him as is.
Why are you trying to change him?
Is it fair for him to try and change you too?
Maybe you you should change to fit into his way of doing things?
OR
Maybe the reason you love each other so much is because you are different and changing these differences will actually hurt your relationship.
2006-11-09 19:35:00 · answer #7 · answered by snack_daddy10 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You need to get a really sharp scalpel and one of those chest separators. And I would advise a skilled surgeon and full medical staff, opening up your hubby is gonna be messy.
2006-11-09 19:33:24 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
When are folk, especially women, going to learn that
YOU CAN'T CHANGE ANYONE.
You can only change yourself.
Get this idea and life becomes instantly better and clearer.
2006-11-09 19:33:03 · answer #9 · answered by Up your Maslow 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
men talk when there doing things. try hanging around when he works on the car or something
2006-11-09 19:34:17 · answer #10 · answered by JAY G 1 · 1⤊ 0⤋