I have a very insecure husband, of course I blame him for that, because he did cheat on me and now he thinks I'm going to go and do the same thing. I try to be so positive with him, I hug him, kiss him tell him how handsome he is, but no matter what I say or do he reacts with negative remarks. What else can I do to show him that I love him and only want to be with him. It has gotten to the point where I can't even go to the stores with my children, if he does not go I can't go. I don't want out on my marriage I want to work things out but I am really getting tired over these arguements which is on a daily basis... Help, any tips on how else to show him my love....... Especially any men out there....
2006-11-09 11:23:01 · 15 answers · asked by Anilop 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
You husband needs to address his own betrayal and failure. He already had an affair and now he is controlling you with power and intimidation. You are spending all your time and emotional strength trying to hold together something you never broke in the first place. You haven't done anything, he is the one who had an affair. Tell him to shape up or leave. He has serious character flaws and his insecurities are dumping them on you. Point him to a good family oriented, values oriented therapist or tell him he has to leave. Why are you breaking your back for this abusive treatment. You also need therapy to find out why you have such a poor opinion of yourself and why you would stand for such abuse and intimidation. You can tell him positive things all day long...his heart is damaged...if you don't have kids...get out.
2006-11-09 11:31:15 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
My husband was insecure also, although it was for different reasons. You will probably laugh at my methods, but here it is...
I called my daughter's pediatrician and told him that one of the girls was acting very insecure. (you know the old addage...treat all men as children...) Well, he reccomended including my daughter in more of what goes on, and if you know what the insecurities stem from, avoid arguements before they start. In your case, instead of arguing over whether you go to the store, mention something he wants from the store and tell him you figured they could get it, then mention that you need to pick up some other things as well and ask if he would like to come along. You know he is insecure over being unfaithful to you and fearing the slight possibility you may behave the same, so let him know in small ways that no matter what, you love him. Do not come out and say "i know you cheated, but..." They know what they did and the more they hear you say it, the more insecure and angry they are going to get. Instead, try to avoid mentioning his unfaithfulness, and just insert an "I Love You" when you notice he is looking out of sorts.
It doesn't matter how many ways you show him you love him, they all help, but the most important thing is to remember not to mention his failures. Men are very proud beings and more often than not, their pride is pricked every time and the circle continues.
As for the first part of this advice, it may sound a lot like blackmail in a way, but his ego should be stroked by you mentioning that the first thing you thought of to get was something he would like. (And with gas prices these days, you have to multi task when you go shopping, right?...lol)
It will take time and you will need to be patient, but it will work.
Good Luck!
2006-11-09 11:47:31 · answer #2 · answered by heather f 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Anilop,
Your husband behaved very badly towards you and he feels a lot of guilt about it. Tell him, that he is only human and that as a human he will make silly mistakes, so long as he learns from them and you both still love each other and the childen, there is no reason for him to feel that you will want revenge. Tell him that you are far better than that, to do such a thing and he should see you in a more positive way.
2006-11-09 11:26:53 · answer #3 · answered by Latin Techie 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Insecure, maybe. Guilty, most definitely.
Have you tried counseling? For some reason, he seems to feel that it would be almost justifiable for you to have paybacks even though you have said that it isn't the case. I suspect part of his behavior might be to prevent his feeling as bad and betrayed as you must have. Unfortunately, this translates into a very controlling behavior.
Until he can understand what he's doing to himself, to you and to your family, he's going to continue hovering. You appear to have done all the right things in trying to reassure him. You might try not reassuring him and act towards him as you did before this all came about. He may see all your supportive behavior as a means of getting him off his guard.
Again, I think that both of you may want to see about counseling at some level.
2006-11-09 11:30:28 · answer #4 · answered by eriurana 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I'm a married man and I've cheated on my wife and for the most part I'm insecure too. My wife doesn't know thou.
My advice is you just keep plugging along with the housework and cooking and cleaning ask he help you out 50/50 and in terms of his snide remarks just tell him I love you and I wanna be married to you and if he keeps acting crazy you might wanna consider leaving.
2006-11-09 11:28:06 · answer #5 · answered by Jim_Darwin 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You're doing all you can, but it seems that he can't get over the guilt of his infidelity, if he fells you're going to end up cheating on him.
I would suggest professional help, in the form of counseling. It sounds like you're doing everything you can, but he's just not able to accept it.
Perhaps he's so guilty, he can't accept your love until he loves himself. Although, you've forgiven him, he hasn't forgiven himself.
The reality is, the more he clamps down on you, the more likely he'll end up losing you, and he just doesn't see that. He just sees his insecurity and guilt for what he had done.
2006-11-09 11:30:08 · answer #6 · answered by -J 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
He need some counseling, in dealing with insecure issues, he has the problem, and is putting it on you, please advise him, for you and his sake it is best to have a strong marriage, let him know you was not the one who was unfaithful, it was him, let him know that you have more respect for yourself, and your children to do that. tell him this is all his guilt, and he has to learn to deal with it, and since he can't, then he need to seek out professional help. Reassure him that you love him, but he is not being fair to you, because you have done nothing wrong! I hope that you can get this all worked out!
2006-11-09 11:38:31 · answer #7 · answered by roseannetb@verizon.net 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Tell him that if he cant let the past be forgotten, as you have, then he better say good bye to the future. he is letting his guilt ruin both your lives.
this is just NOT acceptable. You are entitled to your freedoms, and does he really think you are going to cheat on him while your backseat is full of children?
no, he is punishing you for his crime. tell him to sort it out as you have too much self respect to be treated like a possession. also, he can tell you not to go, but you are empowering him by obeying. stand up, or prepare for the rest of your life as his slave.
2006-11-09 11:31:28 · answer #8 · answered by SAINT G 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sounds like he has issues and is making you pay for them. He needs to get some professional help, or you may want to consider family counseling which might be easier on his ego - if your medical insurance has an EAP program that would probably be the best solution.
2006-11-09 11:29:23 · answer #9 · answered by loveourcountry 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
That husband of yours is very guilty.. he knows he did s.thing silly to a cute you. he knows yo super stunning and if u were to revenge, you gonna beat him hands down. u cant help his insecurity bt let him finish as he started... He need to grow up n he stop being a boy..
2015-02-10 00:54:01 · answer #10 · answered by Agnes 1 · 1⤊ 0⤋