I would like a fresh start on my life without him and dont think I should continue to have his name - except I feel bad because I will no longer have the same name as my 2 children (10 & 8 years old). My children don't wont me to change my name for this reason...
What should I do?
2006-11-09 10:12:21 · 26 answers · asked by becca 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Regarding the answer from tex_eulenspiegel :
My soon to be ex wants me to keep his last name. This makes me want to change it back to my maiden name even more. I think he wants me to keep it because it will still give him a sense of ownership. I just don't want to hurt my kids. Also - we have been together 16 years and everyone knows me by his last name - even my Bachelor's Degree has his last name. Can you have that changed too?
2006-11-09 11:05:38 · update #1
Your children are young still. Your children probably think that your name change means that one or the other is no longer their parent. Guilt is really rampant in children that age. When my parents divorced I was eight years old. It was so long ago but I still remember how I felt. Talk to them and find out why they do not want you to change it. You may be surprised to learn the reason. Children that age do not all the time understand fresh starts. They only understand that their parents are seperated. They may feel one or the other does not love them. As parents you know this is not true. But, children are young and innocent. I don't know if this helps. Let them know why you are changing your name. Change your name but let the children understand. It is important for both you and your children.
2006-11-09 10:58:05 · answer #1 · answered by Kelly s 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
How is this hurting you? And when you decide to get married does that mean that you are divorcing(as you put it) the rest of the family that still has that name? Just so you know it has NOTHING to do with you, and how could it hurt anyone else? She gave up the marriage why not give up the name? It doesn't mean anything anyway, if they are divorced. She maybe feels like the name still ties her to him so if it makes her happy why does it bother you? You should be more concerned about your mom's happiness with her life instead of a personal choice she has made for herself. At her age I think she has the choice to make her own decisions especially personal ones. It seems like you are just looking for excuses to be mad at her for divorcing you dad and if this is the only thing you can find I think you need to stop at look at who is tring to hurt who. You said in your beginning question "what's the point?" The point is it is her choice to make so you could ask also "What's the point in keeping it" If the answer is just to make her kids happy your wrong. If they have been married 32 years and she was unhappy then I would say she has done more than enough for her EX and her kids. Let it be and let HER be happy for a change in whatever discissions she makes.
2016-03-19 05:55:14 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well to each is their own...but I went threw the same thing. I was in a 17 year marriage when I got my divorce. It makes no difference as to who walked out on who. But in my case I was the one that walked out on him and with my 2 kids. The judge asked me if I wanted to go back to my maiden name or not. I choice not to take my maiden name back but yet I am NOT proud of my married name either. I kept my married name for my kids sake, and they were the same age as your kids are to. I wanted my kids to have the same name as I did. Who knows, some day I might remarry and then and only then will I change my name again. Although I do NOT plan on ever getting married again. My married name has nothing what so ever to do with my ex except for the fact that it is his last name. I sure as heck don't have any feelings for my ex!
2006-11-09 11:06:24 · answer #3 · answered by SapphireB 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Yikes.. my best friend is going through the same thing. Do what is best for you. I know that you don't want to hear this but you know that if you ever get married again then you won't have the same name as your children? I also know that it is probally a mess to change back to your maiden name. However it really bothers me that my husband's ex-wife still has his name and they have 0 kids. But I think that it is totally your call and do what makes you feel comfortable!!
2006-11-09 11:44:50 · answer #4 · answered by gaillee9 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It's completely up to you. In a practical sense, it really doesn't matter if you and your kids have different names; I know several couples (including myself, my parents, and my grandparents) where the wife kept her name after marriage, and the kids were given the father's last name. It didn't make any difference at all - I didn't think my mom was any "less" related to me just because she had a different last name.
If you feel more comfortable reverting back to your original name - you should by all means go for it. "Starting fresh" is a great idea after a divorce.
2006-11-09 10:22:46 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I had a very bitter divorce myself and felt the same way but after I looked into the costs of having all my cards and info changed and thought about it I realized that it wasn't really worth it and that my last name really didn't matter. Now I am remarried have my new husbands last name and am very glad I did'nt waste the time or money.P.S.my 2 kids and I all have different last names and it dosn't matter they use my last name for most purposes except legal stuff
2006-11-09 10:31:50 · answer #6 · answered by buffybot67 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Hell yea u should go with ur maiden name. I mean dats da reason why you got divorced right? To get rid of him. And hey it's easy, if you really wanted to you can change your kids name too. But hey it's not their fault so really dat shouldn't be an option. This is about ya and what makes ya happy!
2006-11-09 10:16:04 · answer #7 · answered by nicenjuicy 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Since you have children, I suggest retaining the name. If you revert to your maiden name, your children may have to explain the difference in the last names. That is awkward for them. Divorce is hard on all parties involved but so much worse for children, they don't understand what we, as adults, do. Good luck and may God bless!
2006-11-09 10:23:02 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
The decision is yours but if the reason for wanting to change it is that you just don't want to hear it anymore then don't bother. You are going to hear it as long as it is the children's last name. You have to do what is right for you though. A name change doesn't make you any less their mother. Don't let the kids decide for you. Your happiness counts too.
2006-11-09 10:49:43 · answer #9 · answered by Jules 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
when my sister divorced her husband she went back to her maiden name . but it didn't seem to matter people still refer to her as his last name . and its been 4 years sence the divorce . so i don't think it would do much good for you change back to your maiden name.
2006-11-09 11:14:03 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋