Before I met this girfriend, who i adore, my wife asked for a seperation (i found her having an affair). I dont know how to tell my girlfriend that I have a 4 year old son, and scared if i do I will lose her, is there a way i can tell her without risking loosingherr?
2006-11-09 09:41:19 · 45 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
I am not sure why she would be upset that you have a 4 year old son. If she is going to be upset, she really isn't a very good person.
Just tell her how you feel....that always works with girls.....face your fear...it is always rewarded. If you keep hiding it, that is what will upset her, not having a son. Good luck!!
2006-11-09 09:44:58 · answer #1 · answered by smwah345 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Well I will tell you what happened to me. I met a guy, fell in love with him and he told me that he had a son that was 8 years old about 2 months AFTER we met. I finialy got to met his son 6 months into the relationship. Then a year into our relationship he let me know about another son that he had (this one was almost 2 by this time). He knew about this other son of his before he even met me. Holding back this information put a serious hurt on our relationship. If he had told me up front about ALL his kids things would have been a lot different by far between us. You see all his kids (3?)were all from different women. By him holding back this important information from me, made me learn NOT to trust him as he was being dishonest with me and made me wonder what else he had and was keeping from me.
Thing here is that if he had told me up front how many kids he had and the whole story behind it all, I would have been able to trust him. The only son that I have met (the oldest) him and I got along fine and I treated him like he was my son. I told my bf before we even went out the first time that I had 2 kids of my own and where they were. I think that he should have told me at that time about his as well. My bf and I was together for 5 years before I called it quits because of the dishonesty in him about his kids and other things as well.
When you meet someone and either/both of you have kids, it is a package deal. How would you feel if she had kids and didn't tell you about them and she did you the way you are doing her? If she can't except your kid/kids then you need to find another, BUT you need to tell her now. Just tell her that you have something to tell her about you that you have not told her yet and that she needs to know, then tell her that you have this child with your ex wife and that you are sorry for not telling her sooner and hope that she understands you. The sooner you tell her the better it will be, I KNOW!!!!!!!!!!!
2006-11-09 10:27:15 · answer #2 · answered by SapphireB 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well, you will have to tell her won't you? And the sooner the better. Why not just tell her what you told us? The truth and your fears. Nothing more, nothing less. She may be fine with it but she will most definitely will not be if you let it go longer and longer! Tell her tonight, make a nice dinner and tell her how much you love her and how special she is. Tell you are worried and you need to tell her something and you are scared she may react badly and that is why you have not said anything yet. If she is scared of you having a kids, there isn't a lot you can do about that. Whatever happens you need to tell her the truth ASAP.
2006-11-09 20:49:19 · answer #3 · answered by Stephanie C 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
hi, believe me from a woman's point of view you have to tell her sooner rather than later, if she really loves you it shouldn't make a difference, but if you keep it a secret she will eventually find out and you could lose her, plus it is unfair on your son, cook a nice meal at home and bring the subject up tell her you thought you would lose her if you told her and how much you love her and want to be honest with you, a restaurant is not a good idea in case she causes a scene ...good luck
2006-11-09 21:34:28 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
She might be upset, but probably because you didn't tell her right away, not because you have a child. If you think you might lose her when she finds out you're a father, then what good is she as a girlfriend/partner anyway? Your child comes first. And if your girlfriend is pissed off because you didn't tell her right away but forgives you for that and accepts your child lovingly, then you're lucky to have a second chance to build a relationship based on open communication, not keeping secrets that you think might upset each other.
2006-11-09 09:47:10 · answer #5 · answered by Essmi d 2 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Tell her asap. The longer you leave it, the harder it will be to tell her, and she will wonder why you took so long to tell her, will think you dont trust her or you are hiding something else.
Come clean asap.
If she doesnt like the fact you have a child, shes not the one for you.
She may worry that you dont want anymore kids as well, so you really need to talk to her about this. She may or may not want kids, but you bth need to discuss this properly.
Honesty is the best policy, leaving it hidden from her is asking for trouble.
Hope it all goes well. xx
2006-11-09 09:46:01 · answer #6 · answered by lozzielaws 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
you've got to tell her if you want your relationship to last. the longer you leave it the worse it will get.
if she loves you she wont care and it's not like your asking her to take on your child, your just asking her to accept you have one.
tell her she doesn't have to meet him if she's uncomfortable with it.
your life with your son can be kept separate from your life with your girlfriend until you live together and by the time that comes around she'll be ok I'm sure.
just assure her it doesn't make a difference to your relationship, your child is more important, you may not think that now because of what your going through. email me if you'd like to talk
2006-11-09 09:50:29 · answer #7 · answered by tuppassister 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If she truly cares for you, she would accept your child. If she doesn't then she isn't the right one for you Hun. You should have really told her on day one of your child. I don't think she would leave you but she might be a bit upset for a few days.
But I have a question for you, why would you hide the fact you have a child from your girlfriend? Its like your almost embarrassed at the fact you have one.
(don't mean to sound mean or rude, sorry)
2006-11-09 21:53:11 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
You just have to come right out and tell her. Is there a reason why you didn't tell her before. I presume that she knows that you were married before, but I think you need to tell her right away and the sooner the better. She might be a little angry with the fact that you didn't let her know before hand. But if she doesn't like it then that is her problem. You have to tell her, and then it will have to be a case of love me, love my son.Obviously she doesn't have to meet him yet, but you need to tell her about him
2006-11-09 09:48:40 · answer #9 · answered by Baps . 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
That's one of the first things you should have told her. I dont know how long you've kept this from her. If it's been a while then i can understand why she wouldnt want to be with you. If she does however stay, you've got a woman for keeps. Good luck! Never deny you child!
2006-11-09 09:47:21 · answer #10 · answered by Mello Kello 2 · 2⤊ 0⤋