ok, so a few months back i went thru some s**t. basically i found out that my GF whom i have a child with cheated on me in jan. when i sent her to her home for the holidays. she had come back and things where not good since. we got into a major fight and she left me with my son to start a new life with the new guy. now she wants to see her son, who is with me. i dont want to seperate them but i can give him a better future than she can. she knows this too. but i dont want to even talk to her but have to find solution for this prob. i want to fight for full custody but lawyer said maybe i should communicate and find amicable solution with her.
what would you advise me to do?
2006-11-09 08:59:35 · 16 answers · asked by ali k 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
I think you should be really nice and gentel with her when you speak to her. Tell her that she knows you can take better care of the child. Let her knwo that you think she is a good mom and that you will make it super easy for her to see the child. Let her know that if the situation changes you will let the child live with her again at anytime. Make it sound like you are on her side and tell her whats in it for her to let you have the child.
2006-11-09 09:10:36 · answer #1 · answered by heidinichole 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well, I am going thru something quite similar to your situations so I know it can be hard.
It is true that a lot of times the mother wins custody but the truth is that the courts are starting to switch it up a little. My ex husband is in the military and I am deathly afraid of going to court b/c his occupation ranks highly in a lot of people's eyes but the truth is his occupation has nothing to do with the kind of person or father he is!
Now...I said that to say this...it is always best if the two parents can somehow come to an understanding but it isn't the easiest thing to do when one of those people have either hurt the other or is immature and incapable of dealing with tough situations. I know how it feels to be turned away from by someone you love especially if they leave you and your child but the truth is that you have to put your feelings on the back burner no matter how hard. Your child deserves that much. (I'm sure you already know this :)
Believe me if it weren't for my daughter I would never ever talk to my ex again but I have to put that to the side in order for things to remain amicable!
Truth be told, your ex's behavior is both immature and selfish so I believe you are a lot like me and you'll end up being the one who has to invest more time and patience than she. It will be hard but just be consoled by the fact that it is all in your son's benefit! Unless she is a danger to your son then try and come to some sort of agreement with her before you resort to the courts! Try and write up an agreement with her. Do it together, have the both of you sign it and make sure you each have a copy. (Notirized would be best!) If she ends up giving you a hard time in the future then go to the courts to enforce the agreement you both reached! I know it can be hard so I wish you tons of strength and patience in dealing with this matter. I wish the best for you and your son!
2006-11-09 17:18:20 · answer #2 · answered by Melissa 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well the only thing I can say is that ANYONE that can leave her child DOES NOT DESERVE any right to see that child ever again. I am a mom of three kids and there is NO WAY IN HELL that I would ever put some other man or ANYONE before my kids, she does not deserve to be a mother of any kind, she shouldn't even call herself a mom what a BIT*H this makes me so angry when ignorant woman (if we can call them that( do this kind of stuff. Go for FULL CUSTODY and let your son be happy OBVIOUSLY she doesn't want anything to do with him and you do not want your son to feel like he is a burden and end up hurt if she rejects him again. that is alot emotionally for a child to have to go through. Make her pay you child support or sign over her perantal rights. Think of your son's emotional well being first. Good luck to you and your son
2006-11-09 17:17:41 · answer #3 · answered by melissa052572 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
To go to court with another lawyer if he doesn't whant to help she is the one who left so there are points for you and less for her and if you can prove that you can give him a better life than her then the judge will give both a joint custody so she can visit him but you will have full custody and don't take long,if not go to child support office they will be able to help you too or at least advice you in some other way !!! good luck and best wishes!!!!
2006-11-09 17:05:37 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Lets see here this is a difficult situation and this is what I would do, You and your ex should work something out that you both get to see your son and just remember that your should never fight infront of him becuz he has been through enough with his mom leaving and all he needs right now that both his parents love him and that you did not break up cuz of him. You both have to grow up and realize that you are parents and have others to think about otherelves. I know this sounds harsh but realatiy is a kick in the a** don't ya think. My brother and his ex are going through the same situation and I told them the same thing and if you do not like it then thats just okay with me
2006-11-09 17:07:41 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Oh Boy! I've seen every color in this shade! If she is sane and not on drugs than you should make a truce with her for the childs sake. Just like a baby needs their daddy, they need their mommy too! For the child I would make a business like friendship with the mom (the two of you have something very precious in common, and you can't regret that) and fight to have the majority of custody! Good Luck, I feel in my heart that you will make the right choice.
2006-11-09 17:06:03 · answer #6 · answered by JustCurous 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If I were you, I'd do what's best for the kid. Obviously he needs his mom, but I would fight for full custody with visitation priviledges. You are gonna have to talk to her. In a public place, with your lawyer present, without your son present. This way she is less likely to do something stupid. And the lawyer will be able to read her better than you since you have such an emotional investment in this.
2006-11-09 17:04:07 · answer #7 · answered by bubb1e_gir1 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Try to work it out before court. The mother usually wins the custody....unfortunately....so keep her on your good side to try and get the little boy. And by all means don't use the boy as a pawn.
Good Luck.
2006-11-09 17:03:48 · answer #8 · answered by voandginger 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Communicating is always good....talk to her...
The " new " guy isnt your son's father, you are.
You are hurt, very understandable, this isnt about you and her though, that is another issue.
Talking is a start, find out what she actually wants and take things from there.
I have been there my friend, I know it sucks, I have learned lessons, if you want to email me, I have no problem with that, I am at manx4080@yahoo.com
Good luck..........for now...baby steps..always think before you do anything.
I will help you in anyway I can....take care...david
2006-11-09 17:13:42 · answer #9 · answered by manx4080 3 · 2⤊ 0⤋
seek mediation services that way you 2 can sit down and discuss waht is going on and there will be a middle man that listens but doesn't side with either party. You two will eventually have to come to a conclusion about this anyway.
2006-11-09 17:06:29 · answer #10 · answered by Tanyah 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋