Thirty something, married, kids..... What Now?

Question

My wife and I are in our early thirties. We have three healthy and happy kids. We have been reasonable successful in our lives. And I am bored to death and I am pretty sure she is too. I love my wife and kids. I still think she is beautiful. I enjoy spending time with them, but sometimes I can not imagine going though another week of work, how did dance lessons go, dinner was great, stop hitting your brother, time for bed, turning on the light so my son can go poo, replacing light bulbs that are to high for my wife to reach, looking at a garage that looks like a toy junk yard, what are we going to get the kids for Christmas, well you get the idea. I am not unhappy not depressed and not having marriage problems and certainly would not trade my kid for the world but man I am board to death. I think it might be that we have achieved many of the goals we had when we were just starting out and now, is a time in our live that is filled with more routine than anything else. Anyone else experienced this?

Answer 1

Welcome to married with children.
Guess what big guy. You are on children hold.
It will get better when they are going to college, then the challenge will be tuition.

Based upon our experience your marriage will be reborn with the empty nest.

Answer 2

If you say your are not depressed but just "bored" you may be in denial about a whole lot of things but you might now even know it!

Have you ever told your wife how you feel? If not now is the time to do so. We all get caught up with responsibility and the issues of life.

Having kids brings on the daily routine (believe me I know I have two of my own) and things can become very chaotic and very mundane. However you may want to change things up a little with your kids. Try something new every day. Also spice things up with you wife. Every marriage or relationship for that matter can use more spontaneity.

If you still feel like this over time maybe you should talk to someone who you can trust about this. Like a counselor or pastor.

They could give you wisdom beyond belief.

Hope all works out for you!

Answer 3

There are millions and millions of parents that are shaking their heads right not and saying does this guy think he's alone or what. It's all part of the game of marriage and parenthood. It's great to hear that you are not unhappy with this situation but just bored. If you feel that you have been successful in achieving some or most of the goals you set when younger you should first off be very grateful for this as many others are not as fortunate as you in reaching their lives goals. Secondly go about setting new goals that are realistic but need hard work to reach. It sounds strange but you know what when the kiddies have grown and left the nest you will look back at these things that are going on today with fond memories and most likely miss them. This much I know from personal experience as all my kids are grown men now. Relax, have some gratitude but humility and recognize that you are not alone with these feelings.

Answer 4

It's easy for others to say, take a vacation, set new goals, thank your lucky stars you have it all, but if your in that rut, it seems almost bottomless. You look left, you see more boredom, you look right you see more boredom, and looking straight you see the boredom stretched out before looking endless. It doesn't sound like a problem with the family, it sounds like a problem with you. Instead of including the kids and family on a vacation, take one yourself. Re-set your personal goals, not your family's. Pick up a hobby that is just for you. The only thing I can say for sure, this boredom will not go away on it's own. You have to address it and I'm not sure anyone else has the solution either. Good ideas, but without being you, their solutions might not work. Whatever solution you try, just make sure it harms none, including yourself. Don't let this boredom drive you to cheating or any other destructive choices out there. And always remember, (I hope anyway) all marriages go through this. Today is boring, but tomorrow could be filled full of fun.

Answer 5

I think everyone goes through this, whether you're married or not. You just need to make some changes. Do something different with your wife. Take some ballroom dance lessons or find another hobby you enjoy. I have some friends of mine that started having "date night" once a week. Which they said helped them tremendously in getting out of their slump. Try making house changes, even something as simple as rearranging furniture together, painting rooms, remodeling your bedroom, or cleaning the garage. Sometimes a vacation does amazing things. Try a weekend get-a-way once every three months. Or, even a family game night once a week. Not sure how old your kids are, but there's always something..even if it is Candyland.

Answer 6

You and your wife need to call grandma and grandpa and set up a time for the kids to spend a week with them. Then one of you needs to plan a week long getaway and the other needs to not know anything about it. Go someplace that is different that you have not gone before, take off your wedding rings and act like the two of you just met. You need to try and convince her to come home with you and she needs to be the not so willing date. Have fun, be creative, get crazy, get a rental car and have fun in the back seat, kiss her like it is the first time, not the 10,000th time, smack her on the butt and wink at her, steal all of her underwear and tell her you want her to go commando, both get naked and then you can paint her toenails with a blindfold on... there are a million ways that are fun and non-routine that you can shake things up and it can be fun... Most married couples hit this point and since you see it, you can do something about it...

Answer 7

I think its best to express your boredom to your wife and suggest going on a vacation trip JUST THE TWO OF YOU to rekindle the spark in the relationship, to escape from reality and to get a breather. It will make you appreciate the routineness of life alot more. You have it good, don't ruin it. If you guys can't afford a vacation right now, start a new routine with your wife, go out on dates without the kid more often, take her out to a new resturant, something as simple as going for a walk and admiring the stars and the moon... escape for the weekend to a B&B or a HotSprings. Routine is part of life... and for some people, they need to sow their oats entirely before they get married... you've already taken that step so you can't backtrack... so I would suggest trying new things WITH the wife, get away from the kid, suggest a threesome if you're into that. Go to a football game... go snowboarding and stay in a cabin right on the slopes... just do something out of the ordinary and have fun~ That makes the routine of work/kid so much better, you have something to work for and look forward to.

Answer 8

That is the way life is. It's called settling down. It doesn't matter who you are with, the mundanities of life will hit any relationship when the newness wears off. It's time you took some time off of work, hire a babysitter and get some fun back in your life and relationship. Go do something together at least once a month. Something fun and exciting like take a dance class or learn to skydive or you know, something you've never done before.

Answer 9

Many times we feel we are caught in a rut. The reality is yes, sometimes is so obnoxiously frustrating that we are almost at the point of discus. However dealing with this is simply making adjustments that meet the criteria for the day. Every day seems the same, but, its not. If we wallow in the world of what seems to be plan Jane then we find ways to get out right? So, here's my remedy. I too have a family of 4, including my wife. Your not the only one who deals with the battle of boredom. Make a new schedule. Rearrange your life style. Right now its hard to make changes but they can be done. Schedule your children for time with them and do the same with your wife. Set aside a personal time space for everyone and then talk about it. Just remember that your children are never bored and we tend to get caught up in adulthood so much that we forget how to have fun. Just observe your children and see if you can match your creativity to their's.. Good luck.

Answer 10

Do some volunteer work. seeing how other people are living, and how they would give ANYTHING to be bored, helps you appreciate and have a renewed enjoyment of what you have. A homeless shelter, salvation army, SOMETHING. Even doing nursing home visitation. When I get bored, I watch one of those "feed the children" shows. When you see orphan children sleeping behind a dumpster, or families living in a landfill, scouring for trash to sell... it gives you a whole new perspective.
Sadly, I need to watch these shows fairly regularly, as boredeom sets in again when you forget. Best of luck, and good for you for looking for a solution before its too late. Too many people give up everything if they are not constantly high on life.

Answer 11

I can't say I have... I enjoyed single life, but I also enjoy the "routine" of the married life (although, we don't have kids yet). I'm thirty-something, too. I would suggest maybe looking into doing a "special" vacation every year; my happiest memories from childhood come not from the boring school year, but from the vacations we took in the summer. My parents, too, still talk about these times as the happiest time in their lives. I think, routine is good for the day-to-day stuff, but it's important to "break away" from it every once in a while.