I found out my fiance has been lying to me ? Please Help?

Question

I have been with my fiance for two years. We have a 8 month old daughter. Heres my situation. Several times in the past I caught her lying about silly small things. I called her out on her lies and 8 months ago she broke down, apologized, & promised she would never lie again and there werent any lies un exposed. Her promise never felt right & she never admitted anything, but couldnt remember anymore lies she told. 4 months later I told her fess up in 2 weeks or im gone. On 14th day she confessed some lies and dropped two bombs. last year she spent a week with her mom as we were arguing over money and she called the guy she cheated on her ex with, but only 1 call, She cant remember making lots of txt msgs i found to him. Also while tired from our pregnancy she "accidently" fell asleep on her ex's floor when she dropped off their son. I asked her back then if she spent night at his house she swore no. Anyways, I'm heartbroke. I'm thinking she prob cheated on me. Help me please?

Answer 1

I'm sorry for you, but I think you had better not marry this woman or you will have more problems than you need. It will be awfully hard but you should probably move on.

Answer 2

Was married for 20 years to a secretive woman. Who was also in denial, like yours. I have no idea how she justifies her behavior to herself, but you can be sure she does feel justified, and part of the dysfunction is that she cannot share that information with you. She more that likely feels nonspecific anxiety much of the time, meaning there's an underlying tension in her life.
Liars can't change what they do, it's controlled by the same part of the brain that activates in drug addicts, and is a survival mechanism learned if early childhood and used just to survive in an unsafe environment. Unfortunately, when children grow up, the behavior is pretty well set for life.
You have a choice to make, but if your child is raised by her, the child will almost certainly pick up the behavior too, and will not thank you when you try to help her see the truth about her mother, and will probably cut off all contact with you because you are 'being mean', which is not supporting her in her dysfunctional behavior.
My friend, you've been royally and totally screwed, and now that there's a kid involved, there are no easy answers. Good luck, and don't trust her to look out for your best interests--she's already proven she can't do that.

Answer 3

First of all, she has lied, and made mistakes, in the past (WHO HASN'T?) Second of all, when she comes out and tells you the truth about something you go on and on asking irrevelant questions about her past which has nothing to do with the present. Third, she feels that her word means nothing to you. When she is honest you keep on hounding her about the same question and she feels she is fighting a loosing battle. Just like some of the examples you have used, she has been honest about and u still do not believe her.... She is heartbroke too... You think she cheated huh? Well, believe what you want but ya know I think if ya keep it up and question her about everything its gonna go into a deep dark hole!! Once she confesses the unknown to you (which you still wont believe) u need to patch the relationship and stop questioning or its gonna cause everything to fall to pieces. She TRULY loves you and realizes her mistakes and her lies (and a couple things she is working on to remember from past) but if you dont believe her when she says she didnt cheat now what makes you think you will believe her then??? And the "ACCIDENTLY" falling asleep was the truth!! I am SO TIRED of repeating myself to you when I have been completely honest with you since the last fall out we had.... But time will tell and I dont know how long either of us can withstand the torture. But I do know that time will prove to you I am being honest and either we will stand the test of time, or you will have so much untrust that you will leave or I will get tired of being interrogated about everything and ill leave but time will tell.... AND I TRULY LOVE YOU AND YOU MAKE ME OUT TO BE SUCH A HORRIBLE PERSON WHICH I AM NOT... NEVER TOLD MY SIDE OF THE STORY....JUST FOR THE RECORD I HAVE NEVER CHEATED ON HIM AND I NEVER WILL....

Answer 4

I know that you are heartbroken and I am truly sorry about this, but I wouldn't do anything just yet. You don't know for sure that she is cheating so what you need to do is make sure that you find out and have the proof in hand so there will be no lying out of the situation what so ever.. For people like her that is willing to lie and not be honest you have to take a more sneaky approach with it...And yes spying on her is not a good thing but what else can you do? So my suggestion to you is to find out if she really did and have the proof and that will settle that...One last thing don't hold your head down I know you are hurt just reading what you said was enought to make me sad...But hold your head up and fight and make sure you have that proof and from me personally you will be okay that is just the feeling I am feeling as I write to you.....Just keep your head up and go and do what you got to do.

Answer 5

Hey Hun,
wow this sounds like a really hard situation-you had a baby together.......and blaa. wow this sounds sad but to be completly honest with you i think she is still lying to you and cheating on you.....if u love her.... wait......-do u love her? ask yourself that first because there is no point going through all this for nothing....but i get the impression that you do.....anyway....if you do...u need to sit her down and just talk everything through-tell her u love her and you want to spend the rest of your life with her ,ask her if she wants the same.....and if she dose tell her in order to do this you need to be able to trust each other and u are confused about if she is cheating on you....tell her if she is she should just tell you and get it over with and that if she really dosn't love u she should also tell you........having a kid together dosn't mean u were right for e/other in the first place either,sadly.U guys kind of did things in the wrong order if u ask me but theres no going back now....u need to talk to her....look in her eyes and u can tell her honesty that way
good luck i hope everything works out for you
remember honesty and openess is always best
sadly i think this girl is jus one immature player and u need to take care of you baby girl and break off the engagment as hard as that may be-if she lied once she can lie again-some people change but i'm not seeing any signs of change here
take care
~Ally

Answer 6

Are you sure the baby is yours? I'm guessing that you are both young. This usually happens when couples get married young. The girls love the "dangerous" type, but want the "steady" type to be married to. She sounds like a pathological liar. She probably doesn't know when she is really lying or telling the truth. It will be better for you to move on before you are one of her lies.

Answer 7

First of all FIND YOUR BACKBONE! Now I know that you're upset and that you most likely love this woman. But you need to get it together! YOU ARE THE MAN! DID YOU READ WHAT I WROTE? YOU ARE THE MAN! Do not allow this woman to cheat on your good heart and still have your nose open to her! She is a liar, possibly a cheat and YOU ARE NO DOOR MAT! Now I need you to stop the Whimpering and Whining, FIND YOUR SPINE; and give her a*s an ultimatum! If you have to write it down on paper first in order to read to her, than you do that! Let her know from the door as of today, what you're not putting up with! Now if you can't do this, then she just needs to mop the floor up with your a*s! You see, I'm an aggressive woman, I don't tolerate crap! Especially when I'm doing everything in my power to keep a good relationship such as NO CHEATING 1ST OF ALL, keeping the home clean, cooking, washing, f*cking, licking, sucking AND I work 45 hours a week! OH HELL NO! I wish my man would f*ck up! So just make pretend that I have entered your body and GET YOUR SH1T TOGETHER! If you need me, just click on my name. I'll help as much as I can. But you got to help yourself sweetie!

Answer 8

Oh Bradl3y,
Please find the nearest "Exit" door. Get a DNA test to proof that you are the father of the baby girl.
Don't forget that their is no such thing as a "bad" experience. We all learn lessons (some hard and some softer) from all experiences, therefore all are teaching lessons.
This relationship don't sound to kosher. Get out and good luck

Answer 9

Get this female dog out of your life already. What is wrong with you guys? You turn into wimps when it comes to women. Don't give them any more power over you. Just because she is able to bear children, does not make her a decent woman. She probably thinks she has guys wrapped around her finger. She is just like any other woman. Knock her off that pedestal you have put her on...she should have you up there.

Answer 10

O.K., let me get this mess straight...one female, two dads, two kids,no marriages. This girl is trouble, just worry about your daughter and how you can give her the best life and best examples of what a women should be like. I feel sorry that you are in this mess, but I do not see any signs of maturity from this girl, let alone, her acting like a responsible mother. Sure she may feed her kids or buy them things but her actions are stupid and immature. Stay close to your daughter but far from you "fiance".

Answer 11

Ok picture yourself 5 years from now. Is this what you want? Worrying and being paranoid every time she doesn't pick up the phone? What is she gets pregnant again, will you trust her that it is yours? Respect yourself and move on.Someone who truly loves you will not lie to you. She has some serious issues and you need to focus on your child #1!!!! Do you want your kid to learn lying is ok? Be strong, move on.