I can't get over this depression, what do I do?

Question

I'm a transsexual and since my transition, I've gotten more and more depressed. BEFORE anyone starts telling me about God and how he's trying to tell me I made a bad decision, blah blah blah..don't go there. I'm HAPPY with my transition, it's the treatment by society that has me feeling this way, not my own decision. I've been transitioning for going on 3 years now, and this whole time, I have been single. I can't find anyone who will entertain the idea of dating me, and it's always because of something I lack physically...for gay men I lack a penis, for straight women, I lack a penis, for lesbians, I lack a "lesbian" look , instead I look male, for straight guys, I lack the ability to look like a woman. I can't win, and I can't find anyone who can break out of their brainwashed stereotypical thinking of gender roles. I've come to realize how cruel society can be, and also how ignorant. I can't believe I've existed in a society like this for this long. Sometimes I wish I wasn't.

Marsha, you are (I'm assuming) NOT a transsexual. Those people that ARE, would totally understand where I'm coming from. It's possible to be happy with yourself but not be happy with society. I didn't "choose" to be transgendered, I CHOSE to do something about it. That choice makes me a transsexual. Until you have walked a day in the shoes of people like us, you will NEVER understand. You risk losing your friends, your family, employment offers (when how you look doesn't match the gender marker on your driver's license), you can get very lonely, because no one wants to date you because they don't understand you. I only judge once I've observed. This is what I observe and I'm just relaying the information. I have been called a "freak" that "I am a waste of space and should be exterminated from the earth", I have been called an "it", which to me is infuriatingly disrespectful, walk a day in my shoes, otherwise...SHUT UP.

Answer 1

Gender.... it's not black and white when it comes to who you really are when you let yourself be truthful. Everyone sees me as a woman but I don't always see myself as a girl- I can't even say that I see myself as a guy more often. I just know that I do not like the boxes that we are put into when we are conceived- because you know it starts there. The parents start planning, "If it's a girl, she'll do that and have this but, if it's a boy, he'll do this and have that". Society can be rough. All I can say to you is stay tough. You've already taken a huge step to make yourself happy. Don't let anyone take that away from you. Let's only be ourselves and good things will come.

Answer 2

Oy! Keep your hopes up, because you never know what's around the next corner. One day I was laughing to a friend of mine that God probably planned for me to be a nun or something, with the way I only seemed to get crushes on people who were taken or straight. The next day I met an absolutely amazing girl who (ironically) was MTF. She asked me out a week later, and in five months we've built an awesome relationship (so much for being a nun)...

I guess this story says something else as well - Not everyone freaks out when they're faced with something or someone that doesn't fit into a neat little black-and-white labeled box. Penis, shmenus. If the equipment down there was the only way to define a gender, there wouldn't be only two genders (male, female, true hemaphrodites, pseudohemaphrodites, intersex, androgynes, etc...) Not everyone thinks in binary. I don't, and lots of people I know don't.

So, just to throw in a few thoughts - Are you meeting people in the right places? Have you tried GLBT groups that aren't focused on hookups (like choirs, hiking, bowling, volunteer groups, etc)? It's amazing how many contacts you can make in those kind of groups. Also, are you comfortable enough in your own skin that you can look away from "what you lack" and love another person for who they are?

In any case, keep your eyes peeled, smile, be approachable, get out there and enjoy all life has to offer, and you'll find that special someone yet. :) Good luck!

Answer 3

Over the last five years I had begun to have increasingly withdraw into a downward spiral of depression..

But now with the method I can fully focus my energy and thoughts into a decisive line on how to make my life better constantly. And it works like magic! I'm beginning to attract people to me once again and things have just been looking up since then.

Helping you eliminate depression?

Answer 4

I'm really sorry you're going t hru a t ough time. I don't know what it's like to be a transsexual. But I can tell you one thing I'm pretty sure of: you need to see a doctor regarding your depression, especially if it's gone on for more than two weeks. And it sounds like that's the case to me.

I understand your point that you're not unhappy with who you are, and what you are. Being treated unfairly and feeling a complete lack of acceptance from most people is more than enough to cause major depression.

I don't know what type of health insurance you have (assuming you're in the States), but you need to go to a psychiatrist. A psychiatrist is a doctor (MD) who specializes in treating mental health issues, including mood disorders such as depression. You might need to get a referral from your primary care physician, depending on your insurance. You are probably aware of all of this, but I thought I'd throw it out there just in case it helps.

Please seek out professional care. It's a medical issue. People with major depression are more likely to become physically ill, have relationship problems, problems at work, etc.... Because it really is difficult to function when you're feeling this way. Also, depressed people are more likely to commit suicide.

I think you're very brave, by the way. Good luck, my friend.

Additional comment: I am so sorry that some people feel the need to post judgemental comments, and that they take such a self-righteous tone. They evidently have no understanding of what you're going through, and apparently they don't want to understand. I apologize on their behalf. Perhaps no one taught them better.

Answer 5

there is no way that i could ever understand how you are felling because i have never had to deal with that isue personally. as far as depression i have dealt with that my whole life and the best thing you need to do is tell your doctor and maybe he can prescribe something that will not counter react to your hormones.
but as far as society and how cruel they are i do know about that. i didn't choose to be gay but i chose not to live in the closet. i have lost both my sisters and their kids and all of my grandparents and aunts and uncles and cousins. the only poeople in my family i have not lost is my parents and my brother before he passed. i have been called a freak,******,queer and **********. i have had the crap beat out of me from people i didn't even know that knew i was gay. i have had a man hold a gun to my forehead and tell me that he had the cure for ******* in the chamber. thank god the dumb *** stole the gun and didn't realize it didn't have a firing pin or i wouldn't be writing this now. i have been spit on,fired,ridiculed and made to mve because the landlord and neighbors didn't want a pervert living in their neighborhood. i have even been run off the road. i have lost friends and been stabbed in the back by people who said they were my friends. i have been told by more people than i can count that i am going to burn in hell because i am gay. i have been called a child molestor by my own family. so just because you have had a hard time walking in your shoes doesn't mean that others haven't had a herd time in their shoes. i have had only two serious relationships in my life and it is because i am not the best looking guy around. i have and i do not fit in with the general gay crowd. so when i meet people and try to talk to them they just shrug me off and laugh and walk away. so don't think you are in this alone. our situations may not be the same but i do know how you feel. now make an appt with your doctor tomorrow or your therapist and tell them how you are feeling and that you think you might need something for depression. take care of yourself and email me if you want to talk.

Answer 6

I think you've made an intelligent choice by reaching out. But here on Yahoo answers you're going to get a lot of the same sorts of thoughtless responses as you're already getting from society. I would LOVE to be able to help you, but I'm not transgendered and have no real clue what you're going through, even as a gay man (who, incidentally, can "pass" as a straight man when I go to the supermarket, or to a bar, or to work, etc.)

My advice to you is to do everything you can to find a support group--CREATE one, if you have to. Only other trangendered folks can really connect with how you're feeling, and I bet they've got a lot of great advice and, most importantly, support to share with you. And I bet they need you as much as you need them.

Answer 7

I can understand what you're going through to some degree, & it's very difficult to have to face the constant battle every day. Sometimes you just gotta put your big girl panties on & deal with it. So.. here's what I propose to you.. don't give up, don't stop living your life. Take one day at a time, & live your life for YOU to the fullest every day. Let go of the negative stuff & look for all the good positive things you can find. Let the sunshine in. There is someone out there for you who will love you for who you are & not "what" you look like. You can beat this depression & quite honestly you NEED to beat it. Don't let it defeat you... if you do then no one will see you for who you truly are... they'll just see someone with a frowning face all the time. ;)

Answer 8

I truthfully have been laid low with positioned up partum melancholy for the previous one 3 hundred and sixty 5 days as quickly as I gave delivery to a toddler boy. i could not provide up thinking approximately how my husband loves him better than me and how issues would desire to be better if he wasn't born in any respect. as a result, I stayed removed from him because of the fact I knew that i could do something i will remorseful approximately for the the remainder of my existence. only approximately directly I went to a therapist and convince them that i desire help. between different issues, i've got tried organic supplementations and different e book to handle melancholy yet not something works like the melancholy loose approach. So now i'm proud to declare i'm between the happiest mom in the international. My husband loves us the two very lots and that i thank the Lord for the blessing he gave us. melancholy loose approach?

Answer 9

I can totally relate. I am judged by my looks all the time. It is something yuo have to make a conciense effort to get over. I took me a long time to accept that I am happy with how I am and then not letting how other people judge me affect my life. I am a very effeminent bi male and in relationships with men I prefer to be the top. Most men who are bottoms want a man who is butcher than theri are to top them so won't even give me the time of day.

Have heart though becasue I have been in a wondwerful relationship with that kinda man. He unfortunately died in a car accident, butt he time I was with him is very precisou to me. I have been singel for a long time now because of my looks and socities rigid view points. Hang in there.

Answer 10

I share your pain... well, sort of. I'm depressed too, but in my case I think it's because my transition is stalled for the moment which is mostly my own damn fault... went back to school, and had to choose between living on the street or moving in with family members who'll accept me as a part-time crossdresser but not as a full-time girl. I can find guys (and a few girls) who'll **** me, but none who want an actual relationship.

I just keep hoping, and focus on the good things in my life, and it gets me through.