What do you say to the parent who does not want a special needs student in their child's classroom?

Question

She does not think the student with special needs should be in the regular classroom because "it takes too much of the teacher's time". She thinks her child is falling behind because the teacher spends more time with the student with special needs.

The student has a full time educational assistant working with him. He is a great kid and parents do not yet have a diagnosis for him.

She is new to the board of our PTO and we do not want anyone thinking that the PTO thinks this way! It sickens the rest of us on the board that she thinks this way. As president of the PTO I want to talk with her but need ideas on what to say.

Here, the law is inclusion so if parents want it, students with special needs are in the regular classroom.

Thank you for your help and words of wisdom.

To Clarify --- this parent does not have a say in this. The student with special needs will stay in the classroom. And her child with regular needs will stay in the classroom too. I want ideas on what to say to her to enlighten her on inclusion and special needs. I could just tell her to stop talking but I would rather educate her. Scary thing is she is in education studying to be a teacher :(

The student with special needs is not affecting the other parent's child --- she is using him as a scapegoat in my opinion and as PTO President, I don't want her talking like that!

thank you for your great input.

Answer 1

I think the first thing to do is ask her how she feels this child being in the same class with her child is doing to make it harder for her child? To understand what her worries are is the most empathetic approach you can use. It could be just that she is jealous that this child gets extra attention that her child is not getting!

If she keeps going with how it takes up too much time for the teacher to have to accomidate this student -- ask for examples. I am wondering if the regular ed teacher has made some comments about her workload! It might be worth it to have a chat with the regular ed teacher and make sure that she is getting the support that she needs. If she is working with a child that doesn't have a firm diagnosis yet, she may not have the support she needs from a case manager. Having a full time aide for this student can be helpful -- if that aide ia aware of what needs to be done and knows how to work with this child. She may have a valid concern about her child -- in fact her child may have a disability as well -- one that she is in denial about facing. Or should could have abrilliant child that is not being challenged -- whether or not this child in in her class. It happens!

Absent all of that -- point out how working with many learning styles -- whether they are disbailited or not -- enrich the learnign for all students. Increasing instruction in visual and tactile formats helps stregthen the learning for all students -- it sure beats listening to only lectures! You can bring up tolerance and learning to work with others. This child will be a peer to her child for the rest of their lives -- or as long as they are in the same community. Even if they move -- there will be other folks that have disabilities or spceial needs everywhere they go. You can emphasize that her support can help her child not develop the prejudices that were previlent when she was gowing up. You may want to educate her on famous americans that had disabiliites and grew up to be contributors to society. Edison (deaf), Juliette Lowe (founder of the Girl Scouts, deaf), Einstein (LD), etc. Inside I would just want to say -- who are you to say that this person doesn't have the right to become the person that they are capable of being -- maybe a person that will solve world hunger! But of course stiffling that would make me the better person and be less likely to turn her off! hahaha.

And of course there are the laws. You can get her in touch with all kinds of reading material out there about the rights of the child to have a free and appropriate education -- one that does nto discriminate on them due to their disability. I would bring this up last -- because what she is really worried about is her own child and what is best for him/her. You can't legislate attitudes, you can just make it illegal to enact on them.

Answer 2

Most individuals do not have experience with disabilities until a loved one or close family member become disabled. It is pretty hard to educate people with that thinking but possible. I tend to think it is a lack of education on the parent's side about what special education is and the help the particular child is receiving.

The best analogy I can think of explaining the situation with her is pretty simple. Would you break the law if you disagreed with it? Most reasonable people would answer no. Tell her that special education student has the same right to be in that particular classroom as their child otherwise the school district would be breaking the law and wasting her taxpayer money defending themselves in court sometimes which could better be spent on classroom instruction or even new textbooks for her daughter to learn from.

I would also explain to the parent that the educational assistant is there to help educate the special education student without taking time from the other students in the classroom. They help keep the child on tract, answer questions they might have on something, etc.

I would explain there are probably other disabled children in the classroom without her knowledge. This particular child stands out since he has an educational assistant. For example, a child with glasses and a low vision disability might need a better placement in the classroom than an ordinary seating assignment. Would she consider that particular child taking away from her child's education because the child sits closer to the blackboard?

Good luck!

Answer 3

Special needs students are really no different than any other student. Everone learns at their own pace. The key to learning is removing the learning blocks and for special needs students this means socialization. They have a greater need to feel "normal" than do the rest of the students. As there is a full time assistant there, the idea of another child falling behind due to less attention is thin. We must also all remember that education extends beyond the school proper. If I felt my child was falling behind then obviously there is more attention needed at home. Teachers really only share information. It is the students responsibility to retain it. And a parents responsibility to, for lack of a better term, enforce it.
The three principle of power learning come from three senses, sight - I see, I read, I learn - hearing - I hear, I listen, my sight learning is reinforced, and finally touch. I write what I saw and heard and I retain that which I have learned in three ways.
Now there is a additional principle and it is the most dangerous when it comes to being taught. Someone I look up to reinforced my learning. This is completed by "let's do your homework", this is good. "That kid does not belong in your class they are a distraction", this is bad.
The best way to uneducate is to teach prejudice, create internal conflict, you see children do not know or understand prejudice, they learn it.

I would not talk to the person directly, I would read information to the PTO on learning blocks, assisted learning and how negative influences are more readily acceptable to children, when they come from those who should be our most positive examples.

Answer 4

As the parent of a special needs student, I commend you for standing up for our children. My daughter has suffered the same stigma you are trying to prevent.

First and foremost, child placement is decided by federal law. No local law can override it. The child has the right to the least restrictive environment in which he/she can succeed. In this case it appears to be in a regular classroom with extra support. How the child's needs effect the rest of the classroom is part of that consideration. If the child's needs are negatively affecting other student's ability to receive their free appropriate public education (FAPE) the district is obligated to move the child to a different setting. This can be done even if the parents do not agree with the decision. It takes more time and effort. Either your school district does not feel it is necessary or may be in that process, you just don't know about it.

More importantly I think for you, is the fact this woman seems to think your organization has some power in this situation. I question whether she joined your board to attempt to influence this other child's education. How this child's placement was decided is not only confidential, it is not within your organization's ability to influence. I think this is the most important idea for you to convey.

Maybe explain to her what your organization can do, then gently explain what discussions are not appropriate, this child being at the top of the list. If she feels her child is not receiving the education she deserves, encourage her to speak to her child's teacher or principal.

Maybe bring another member of the board with you so there is no confusion as to what was said. Explain to her you chose to have this discussion privately, however, if she attempts to bring this into the public forum, you will have to remind her publicly of it's appropriateness.

Maybe your PTO could ask the special education department to give a presentation on how placement on IEP's, placement decisions, and adaptive supports. Educating the group as opposed to the individual would be less intimidating and may educate others with the same opinions. Even if the Special Ed department is busy, try a parent advocacy group. In my home state we have PACER (Parent's Coalition for Educational Rights). Most advocacy groups love to get a chance to educate others.

Again, thank you for standing up. Good Luck to you.

Answer 5

One of the problems with people like you are describing, is that they will ALWAYS look down on those differently abled then them (or their children) ... because ...

She was CAREFULLY TAUGHT from the time she was raised to FEAR the differences. She has NEVER known what it means to bring a child in to this world with disabilities, and how the educational aide of the child is able to HELP the entire classroom, and NOT just the child they are assigned to.

That FEAR, the inability to learn about disabilities, and the arrogance to DEMAND that the child be removed -- well, you can't do anything to change her mind ... SHE has to be WILLING to change and embrace the differences that EVERY MEMBER of society has.

I've PERSONALLY had to experience the UGLINESS of individuals like this as the PARENT of Special Needs Children (now adults) -- and all my children did have Educational Aides -- and yes, it was NOT just a parent who did this -- but I also experienced TEACHERS who did NOT want MY disabled child in the classroom either.

The LAW is the law. YOU can politely point out to this woman (by giving her a copy of the Inclusion Law) that there is NOTHING in the world that you will do to DENY the Special Needs child Inclusion in the classroom. The Special Needs Child has as MUCH of a RIGHT to a Free and Appropriate Education as their non-disabled peers -- and ...

In the case of this Long Term Single Parent, MY Asperger's Syndrome (High Functioning Autism) Child had the HIGHEST IQ of the Students in the classroom -- the child just needed the Aide there to help with the challenges of being autistic -- and the fact that the child's NON-Disabled peers were the ones who were CAUSING the class to fall behind (which that parent did NOT understand at all) -- was DISTURBING to hear -- but I kept MY child in the classroom.

The mother with the problem attitude has a 'choice' -- she can request A DIFFERENT Classroom for her student (IF it is available) or she can change schools entirely (if she wants to transport her child to another school, or she wants to pay tuition for private schools), but even if she does change the classroom/school of the child ... there is STILL the requirement that children with disabilities be placed in the LEAST RESTRICTIVE Environment possible -- and that is the REGULAR classroom with a Classroom Aide assigned to the child who needs it.

Answer 6

Maybe communicating the idea behind the law that advocates inclusion in public school classrooms will help her. You might offer her info or pamphlets from your dept of ed explaining inclusion. They will probably mention that we are a diverse society; that inclsn allows children who will reach adulthood and llive in communities together with different types or people to learn together while they are young. Inclusion with children of other learning skills, races, cultures, etc. can build students skills at working with others and help eliminate prejudice.

There were periods in our history when children with special needs were institutionalized and kept out of mainstream society to avoid inconveniencing, embarassing, or discomforting "normal" people and because it was inconcieveable that they could benefit from education. Those dark times are over and now we know that research has proven that the oppostie is true.

If this parent wants her child to be educated in a school that excludes special needs children she will have to look into the private schools in her area. In our area the parochial schools do not provide special ed services in the regular classroom, some don't even have ramps for wheelchair access. Children that attend these schools need to hire tutors if they learning disabilities and will be expelled if mental health or emotional behavior outbursts cause them to disrupt the classroom. Since this is so, parents should be sure that they know that their child will not be needing any special services like those offered in public schools.

Answer 7

Tell her Federal Law and State Law gives the child to be educated in the least restrictive (a reg ed class) environment. That she should consider the needs of the special education student to be able to learn to function with non disabled peers. Ask her to put herself in the shoes of the child. Sometimes you just have to point out tactfully firm that she is discriminating against the child because of the disability and that is against the law. Also, as a person studying education, the welfare of each child should be considered, not just the re ed children. They also need to learn to accept people that are different.

If it is truly taking time from the other students, it is the schools place to then hire an additional staff member or accommodate this child in some way.

Is there truly a situation of not enough help or discrimination? Pose that question to her.

Answer 8

You didn't specify what special needs the child has. This mother of the "normal" child need to get over herself and perhaps realize that maybe the "special needs" child is NOT the reason her child is not doing well in school.

I would give her information about the needs of the child and the law that pertains to him being able to stay in regular classrooms. I would have the teacher assure her that this child is not affecting her child's education. Perhaps also it is time for a parent/teacher conference to discuss the reason(s) why this child is falling behind,

Answer 9

Tell her that the special needs student has the same right to be in that class as her child and there is nothing she can do about it. The only thing she can do is move her child to a different room. The special needs child should be in the classroom with an aide helping him with his work leaving the teacher to the classroom as a whole.

Answer 10

I am a special ed. teacher and the parent needs to know that she doesn't have choice in the matter, by law there is nothing she can do. I am sure others think of her as insensitive. The student has an assistant with him and that will help the teacher with time. I have been through this and you are going to have to let her know the law and then refer her to the principal. If this does not help tell her there are private schools that she can send her child.