(confused?? I am!)Since he left me, we stayed in touch. I've never asked him to come back or even told him that I am still so much in-love with him. I think it's obvious anyway to say it. Anyway, we are friends with benefits. But it's all up to me when I want him over. I made it clear to him that he better be honest with me when he starts dating/sleeping with other women, becauseI wouldn't want any part of him! For some reason this is helping me ease the pain and I figured since he still my husband and I don't sleep around (he's also my first) I can deal with it. It is clear to me that this does not mean getting back together. But for some reason, I get a feeling that he might be interested again. Just too proud to say anything. I know he checks me out when we're togheter and he has not declined any of my invitations. I've gotten him to stay over (entire weekend), had breakfast, gone to the movies, shop and dinner. Could he be re-thinking about us? or is it just purely "sex"?
2006-11-09 04:56:24 · 26 answers · asked by betrayed 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
He's flat out plain using you. And don't expect him to tell you when hes sleeping with other women. You need to be tested for HIV by the way.
Jeez women are dumb.
2006-11-09 04:59:36 · answer #1 · answered by Dovahkiin 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
From what you stated I see a few things that sort of underline a few issues.
Please ask yourself these questions:
1) If he can't be married anymore why hasn't he filed for divorce?
2) When you invite him over he comes. Why? Just for sex? A warm meal? Are you still doing his laundry?
3) Is it a companionship issue? Does he feel staying around you too long bothers him?
4) He's willing to stay the weekend but not during the week. Does he have some restriction on not being a compassionate human being long enough during the week that he stores it up for the weekend?
It's obvious this guy means a lot to you and you've been willing to make certain sacrifices to maintain contact with him, but if you've been married for 13 yrs and he's only been gone 7 weeks, having contact with him for sex during a mere 7 week period hasn't earned this guy the type of respect that's owed to you.
Please don't take this wrong, but you deserve to be treated far better than how he's treating you.
2006-11-09 05:14:00 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Confused??? U both r. Because he dont want b married but he wants 2 get it whenever. He wants his cake and eat it 2 thats all. Trust me he is not going 2 tell u when he is dating someone else. If u love yourself u would move on and let this b a lesson leraned. I know u love him 13yrs is a long time. Thats y is strange after so long he wants out, there is something more 2 that and u deserve better, he said 4 better or 4 worse , til death do u part. u have 2 think about it he lied in his vows because he left. Let him go u r only going 2 get yourself more hurt. Sex play a bug part in things it may not seem like it but someone will get in 2 deep and want more than just that and the other person is not going 2 want that. So move on you will find someone to treat u with respect and love you no matter what.
2006-11-09 05:05:48 · answer #3 · answered by Kiwi 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
well you can always try having him over and not having sex with him to see what kind of attitude he has Love is not about sex oh yes that is a plus but just sex is lust not love try just having dinner and talking to see where his heart really is and talk about how you feel and find out what it is he feels and yes with out honest there is no relation no matter how long you are together lies destroy trust and it builds a wall between people so if you all can be honest and open with each other you may find were the problem is it could be he wants a change in life i know you must be hurting but if this is just sex for him are you just prolonging the pain it is always good to stay friends with people more so if Children are involved. I will Pray for you That God give you strength and peace and that he takes the pain away from your heart i do Believe God can do anything even heal your marriage.
God Bless you always.
2006-11-09 05:07:26 · answer #4 · answered by jamnjims 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sounds like he has his freedom of the single life and the benefits of the married life, maybe you should start having a life of your own and give him the chance to miss out on the benefits. Sometimes you don't know what you have until it is gone. Give him sometime to see you as a independent woman with the confidence to stand on your own, it may be that he will come back. Either way take some time to find yourself and what you want for yourself, it may help make you and your relationship stronger if you feel better about yourself, I think men are more attracted to a woman that is more sure and happy with who they are.
2006-11-09 05:03:40 · answer #5 · answered by preshus 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
At a point in every marriage the balance between love/sex and foibles comes to a balance point. Then you find out that it is not all sex and love, it is caring for someone enough to put up with their foibles. Some find they can't handle the others foibles. Others find that they didn't realize they have foibles. If you can work it through, the marriage will be stronger.
To those who say he doesn't want the marriage, he wants freedom and sex.....it's a $1000 bucks to get a divorce. Neither of them have made the move. Going negative could screw up a situation that time may solve.
2006-11-09 05:02:43 · answer #6 · answered by Terry 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Awww sweetie. I am so sorry this happened to you. I know this must be really hard for you and I sympathize with you so much.
But to be honest with you I feel that you are prolonging your pain if you continue down this road. Continuing to sleep with him knowing he no longer wants the commitment of marriage is only going to hurt you more in the end.
I think the best thing you can do right now is cut off all sexual ties with him and allow yourself some space from him. As long as you continue to give him the benefits of marriage without the true commitment from him, you are allowing him to have his cake and eat it too.
I seriously doubt that he will actually tell you if he is sleeping with other women at this point, but truthfully he probably is.
I really hate to see you in this position although I understand, b/c you were married to him for 13 years.
Please be good to yourself and allow yourself time and space to heal. If he does want to be back with you he will come to you and tell you.
Best wishes in your situation.
2006-11-09 05:46:42 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Why does sex have to be involved? Maybe thats all he wanted in the first place! Get him out of your life if he does not want you to be his wife. How dare him sleep with you to help you cope with loosing him . Yes, he is doing it cause he wants to help you relieve your pain. I lost a person after 6 years (my fault) and my last realtionship ended after 2 years ( she left me ). A broken heart can be one of the biggest booboos in your entire life. I went through it twice and I am 26 years old, and I feel that each time this happens it makes it harder to go back into a relationship again. All I can tell you is that loosing someone you love is like, for example quitting heroin. You will suffer withdrawls and if someone placed the drug in front of you, you would take it right away because you want that pain to go away so badly. Well I hate to tell you this but you are going to need to seperate all ties to this man untill you can control yourself, and I even suggest not a single conversation for atleast 1 year and after you have dated other people and started your life over. It has been since june for me and I still love her but atleast I am healing because we dont talk. You are a strong woman even though you may not know it and you must tough it up and kick this guy out of your heart. After 13 years I would be devastated, and I would need alot of help from friends and family.
2006-11-09 05:20:47 · answer #8 · answered by Adam B 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sounds like hes using you. He knows you wont say no and hes familiar with you. You let him get away with this behavior. Id talk to him about it if he does want you then counseling may be in order. Did you ever find out WHY he didnt want to be married anymore? Could it be he was getting signals from someone else and is persuing them as you type? It takes time to get in a new girls pants ...well it should anyway....and in the meantime you are keeping him "warmed up".
Have a serious talk with him about this.... you are only prolonging the hurt of losing him by allowing this to continue.
2006-11-09 05:02:32 · answer #9 · answered by Coyote 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If you do want to be with him, than I would stop having sex with him all together. If it's the sex he wants and you are giving him none and he still is hanging out with you than it is more than sex. If he stops talking to you/hanging out with you bc you are not having sex with him, than you know what he wants of you! Why did he leave you in the first place? He either was seeing/doing someone else or he wants to see or do someone else besides you. Marriage is not about sex, yes it is important in a marriage but it is communication, love, humility, time, and if he really wanted to be with you like he's acting like, than he would have never left you. Don't fall for him again, you're just going to hurt yourself even worse than the first time. If he wants to be with you again, than he will try hard and not expect the sex from you. Obviously you like the sex too but you have to hold back until you know he's ready to be committed again and you need to know he won't leave you again. Best of Luck to your marriage and remember, God is Love.
2006-11-09 05:10:57 · answer #10 · answered by errnmann 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You need to ask him if there is any chance of getting back together. If not, you need to stop having sex with him. You will never get over him if you continue. If he doesn't want to be married to you any longer, you need to move on...and that means cutting ties. Don't do this to yourself. It is TERRIBLE for your self-esteem. I'm sorry this has happened to you, but your life is not over. I had a hard time getting over my ex (of 20 years), but now I am married to the most wonderful man in the world, and I realized that I had never truly known love before! Best wishes to you!! I hope this helps.
2006-11-09 05:01:42 · answer #11 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋