I've been married 11 years.I have always had doubts about my marriage My mom pushed me on him. We married when I got pregnant. I didn't love him. I told myself I would make the best of it. I have developed feelings for him,but we've never had things in common or a connection. He has been distant, cold, selfish, and occasionally abusive, both physically and verbally.I told myself that this was a normal. Everyone has problems but last year when he shoved me and I got a concussion a light went off and I knew this was wrong. the abuse hasn't been constant, but about once a year it does get violent, he snaps quickly and breaks things alot I've begged him for 3 years to work on our marriage but he just ignored me. I was not a priority for him. 6 mths ago I met a guy from my past. I love him. Hubby found out and now decides he wants to treat me right and work on us. I say too late. he's had many chances. but he won't let go. he wants a chance to redeem himself.We have 2 kids,4 and 11.help!
2006-11-09 04:44:00 · 23 answers · asked by Kat 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
You cannot stay in a marriage simply for the benefit of your children, you will not be happy, your husband will not be happy and your children will not be happy. You know what you feel in your heart and you know your heart is not with him. It may not be easy as you will face opposition and criticism from friends and family but if you truly do not want to be with him and you two do not have a solid foundation based on love and respect then its best that you move on.
You've already received a concussion from him, why wait for it to get worse?
2006-11-09 04:57:32 · answer #1 · answered by Lucy E 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I beleive you should divorce him, for sure. I know several people who were abusive to their wives, then when the wife found someone she loved, he pleaded for a second chance. The wife would give it to them, and there relationship would worsen, not better. Eventually, 1/3 situations like this the wife gets murdered, and your kids too. Your kids are still reletivly young, and can learn to accept their new father gracefully if they learn of his kindness. I suggest you leave this brute as fast as possible. No second chances. Actually, no hundredth chances. He's hurt you to many times before, and this is simply not going to work. I dont think you want to die young, and miserable. Your kids with either a dreadful father, or lying by your grave. Take action! Leave him! Dont let his foolish pleading get to you! It's not worth your life! Divorce him, and remarry this man. If you must, I know this might a be a little cruel, try and turn your kids away from your husband. It will be easier for them to see the last of him. Good Luck with your new life!
2006-11-09 12:54:25 · answer #2 · answered by -:-vInTaGe PaSsIon-:- 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Tough situation. You need to have a talk with your children, just the 3 of you, in a private place where anyone can say anything without fear of retribution.
They need to understand the current situation: maltreatment, unhappiness. The other man that made you realize on how much you realized that you should be treated better.
Also, you need to have an open talk with the other man. Know where he stands if and when you separate from your husband.
Life can present us with choices that are difficult. There can sometimes be no correct decision; but by doing our best for those we love are important.
2006-11-09 12:47:47 · answer #3 · answered by tranquil 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
If you want to live and show your kids a good life keep your mouth shut plan what you will need to leave, when he is at work have everything ready to go, money and a place and school far away thats what my mom did,, my father was mean he broke her arms and cut her face with a knife. she made her plan and moved us 4 girls from back east to california 40 years ago. she did it and saved us all... she has a husband who loves her and travels all over the world she is in asia .. she started wth nothng and said she thought she would never be happy but is
2006-11-09 12:53:38 · answer #4 · answered by glitsyjewels 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I suggest you pack your stuff and move on. Sounds to me that you have given your marriage enough time. The abuse will only continue, especially if things aren't always going his way. You have lived your life long enough not being happy, think of your own happiness first, then the kids and everyone else involved will be happier in the long run. Good luck!
2006-11-09 12:48:42 · answer #5 · answered by mixemup 6 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Almost in the same situation...I have been married 7 years...wish I had my guy from my past but for me I have no one right now and I rather be alone than be with my husband...I have been staying around as long as I have for our two children (ages 6 and 2) but now it is time for me to be happy (I'm almost 33, I'm not getting any younger)...You need to move on...if he's abusive than you need to get a restraining order against him, it scares me a little to think he might do something to you if you file...but you need to get out of there fast...good luck!!!
2006-11-09 12:48:14 · answer #6 · answered by poker_fan_in_nyc 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
What do you mean he wont LET you? Do you hear how that sounds? Let yourself go. He does not own you. You can do what ever you want. The only reason he is being nice now is because you found someone else and he is jealous!! I would not give him a second chance. Think about yourself not him. This is YOUR life. Be happy...we are not here forever.
2006-11-09 12:52:23 · answer #7 · answered by lk7916 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Sounds like you should go for the boy from your past. Abusive husbands never change, and my aunt just divorced her abusive husband and her children are all exstatic over it. Your kids will understand, and you deserve to be happy. Abuse is not a norm, and your hubby has to go. Good Luck!
2006-11-09 12:47:57 · answer #8 · answered by Diagonal 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
First, see a lawyer. A consultation is usually free or not much.
Find out what your rights are and what you are entitled to.
Do not leave without the children or you will be charged with abandonment. You get the lawyer's advice first and you will leave if and when you are ready. Best of luck to you.
2006-11-09 13:17:36 · answer #9 · answered by serendipity 2 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Wow, i wouldn't want to be you. I think what you should do is take both of your kids take them to your mom, go get help from someone, get a lawyer, file for divorce, continue with your life. Because your husband is one of those that say they will stop, but at the end they don't.
2006-11-09 12:52:33 · answer #10 · answered by rejects_55 1 · 1⤊ 0⤋