I meet my wife in college .When we started dating things seems gravy until her parents found out about us. Their reaction was not to serve me in there Togo’s Eatery in Santa Rosa Ca also wasn’t allowed in their home for almost 6 months. We tried staying positive and combat their views with love and expectance. I would eventually be tolerated inside the home I would cook for the holidays only to be ignored at the dinner table. After 4 years. Me and my partner were engaged this brought out a lot of heat. Later an argument would blow out between me and my fiancée and her parents the comments were spitted out such as” you must think twice before marrying a black man” “If you 2 have kids adopt white kids” They had a personal right in practicing racial discrimination and that their daughter is a disappointment. Any how we left got married they weren’t their we bought our home with are good jobs and had our baby. That’s when the phone calls came in from all of our family members. Things are different with my wifes parents but I don’t trust them I don’t want to call them family nor in-laws. But they at least love our child. It’s ironic for many years I hope tried to establish relationship where I could one day be called a son in stead of a black man. Now we are invited to spend part of out thanksgiving with my wife parents and sons grandparents that he only meet 6 times in the four months that he’s been in the world. My wife is willing go but only if I want to go and I don’t. But in saying I don’t that makes me selfish because she wants to be around her family again. Yet I don’t want to go to a home were I have to be tolerated I want to be welcomed and loved. What do I do?
2006-11-09 04:38:17 · 8 answers · asked by Dennis m 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Other - Family & Relationships
Well, I completely understand where you're coming from. You want to be loved and welcomed, but unfortunately, not all in-laws work out that way (no matter what the race, religion, etc.). My grandmother's mom HATED my grandfather for years, and he wound up eloping to marry her. They are both the same exact religion and ethnicity too. Eventually, the mother grew to appreciate and respect my grandfather and my grandparents have been married for almost 60 years.
Thing is, you shouldn't have to deal with going someplace where you are "tolerated", but again you don't always have control over that. All that you can do, is just suck it up for your wife, kids, and be the better man. Eventually, I would say talk to your wife about having your OWN holidays though and if her parents want to visit YOU then that's fine, this way they are on "your turf" now so to speak and if they disrespect you, you can ask them to kindly leave your home.
2006-11-09 04:46:00 · answer #1 · answered by Tgrman80 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Hi, I'm "the wife" in this situation.
This situation is tough. I don't agree with what my parents have done in the past, and I realize that my husband has gone through a lot in order to be with me. So it's hard for me to ask even more from him (e.g. going to Thanksgiving at my parents house).
His family loves me and welcomed me into their family, I wish I could have given him the same situation with my family.
Even before our son was born, my parents wanted to be closer to us. And after he was born, well, lets just say they really want to see us more than they do. We started talking to my parents again earlier this year with the agreement that we would not tolerate any prejudice or negativity about our relationship. If anything did happen, we would nip it in the bud immediatly.
This is the first big holiday since our son was born, and despite all the stupid things that my parents have said, they love their grandson and want to show him off to the rest of the family. They are really proud of him.
But I don't want to ruin the holidays for my husband. Since my husband and my son are my first priorities, their feelings are more important than my parents, so it's up to my husband to decide where we spend Thanksgiving.
2006-11-09 11:40:36 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
First of all, you should focus your attention to how your wife reacts when you have been discriminated and ignored from her parents. Remember that when you married her, you take the whole package and that means her family and friends. But you don't have to take their rude remarks or criticism, after all you are their daughters husband, so they have to make the effort to change their vision. If they don't it is their loss, not yours. Talk to your wife and let her decide if you should go or not to your in laws house for Thanksgiving. Your marriage should be based on trust, honesty, communication and love to overcome any difficulties in life. Life has its twists and turns, but if you stick together thru this path, you will succeed in life. Focus on what you have and not what you don't have and life will be easier to live. Good luck in your journey and hope your inlaws appreciate you for the person you are, not the person they want you to be. Happy Thanksgiving...
2006-11-09 04:53:44 · answer #3 · answered by Big&Tall 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I'm sorry about your situation, it's sad to see that her parents can't look over your color to accept the fact their daughter is happy with you. I honestly think that you should let your wife and son go, but you should stay home. Or if you want to be with your wife and son, go with them but stay at a hotel. Since they have been blunt to you about their feelings toward you. You should be blunt to them that you have done nothing wrong to them and they have treated in an undeserved manner. You should let them know that you are uncomfortable with them, but you will deny them a relationship with their daughter and grandson.
2006-11-09 11:12:14 · answer #4 · answered by Linda J 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Yikes. Some people can be so ugly. I understand that you don't want to go but if things seem to have changed it might benefit your child to try it one more time. If they continue their crappy attitude this time, that's it. Make sure that if that happens, explain to them exactly why you don't intend to come back and make sure they know that you will not allow your child to be influenced by family members who think that that child's father is not good enough for their family.
Good luck.
2006-11-09 04:44:18 · answer #5 · answered by koral2800 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You reported you're apprehensive approximately your toddlers being uncovered to their father being bullied, yet you divulge them to it continuously. once you're rather worried approximately your toddlers, easily you already know they could be happier with 2 separated and sane mum and dad than decrease than the comparable roof as their mum and dad' dysfunctional marriage. In front of your spouse, grant your toddlers the selection of staying at abode and doubtless going out to Thanksgiving dinner with you, or going to their grandparents' with their mom. enable them to appreciate that the two selection is totally advantageous with you. As for making use of the youngsters as a ploy to get their mom to alter her plans, it particularly is purely too low for words. Your spouse is aggressive and you're passive/aggressive. it particularly is not a marriage in any respect, it particularly is a hostage negotiation.
2016-10-03 11:14:46 · answer #6 · answered by ? 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think you should be the better person. Be forgiving. This is something that you want to teach to your child. Family is important. Your child is too young to see it now, but be the person that you want to teach him how to be. You may feel cautious around her family, and that is normal, but try to do the right thing.
2006-11-09 04:48:59 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Let her go ..You stay at home. It sounds to me that they just want to see the baby anyway.
2006-11-09 04:42:14 · answer #8 · answered by ibsawdust 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋