is there such a thing as a biological urge to cheat?

Question

my mom cheated on my dad and after my first love, i cheated on every boyfriend i had until now. i have been married almost a year and it hasnt been hard NOT to cheat. but now... its not that i desparately need to sleep with someone else, i just cant get it out of my head. please help! any advice, insight... whatever you can give me!

Answer 1

No, not biological; simply lessons that need to be learned.

That the pain caused by infidelity can be so deep that it affects the offspring. Please forgive your parents and yourself.

Those infidelities are the past. You have a chance to do better with the present.

Answer 2

Babygirl, I used to have the same problem. It's called sexual lust. I'm saved so I asked God for deliverance. Being as though your mother cheated on your father it gets more complicated. There has been a generational curse passed down from your mother to you and it may have even gone back further. If this is something that you don't like to do then you can break the cycle because most likely you'll pass it to your children and no one will ever have a chance at a marriage without infidelity. It's really something that no one sees as a big deal but spiritually it's a problem and can be fixed. I'm not talking about "religion", religion is so puffed up. I'm talking about a personal relationship with the Lord. He's the answer. If you really want help with how to live and have life more abundutly, try Him. I promise you won't be disappointed. I haven't been let down by Him yet. I swear to you I had the same issues, my mother had the same issues. I cheated on my husband after being married for five years. It was like I couldn't help it. There was something that I couldn't explain pulling me into wanting to sleep with other men, next thing you know my husband couldn't satisfy me anymore, I fell uninterested in him, but I loved him and I couldn't explain why I wanted to stray especially when I had a good man. It was the spirit of lust. I didn't realize it until my husband found out and I started asking God why, and what made me do it. I don't know you or if you know God but, He's the answer! Call on him. Say this simple prayer: Lord I want to know you. I'm a sinner and ask for forgiveness for everything that I've done. Come into my life and take away the old me so that the new me and my new life can begin. I want to have life and have it more abunduntly. Teach me how to walk, talk, and think like you. I'm tired of living life like I've been living it. I want to live the life that you intended for me to live. In Jesus nam I pray amen. Contact me if you have anymore questions. [e-mail]

Answer 3

I suggest this book to anyone who has an interested in understanding male behavior, female behavior, and the way the two interact with each other, and with members of their own gender. "Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus". In all seriousness, this book will explain so many things that we all wonder about.

It is an accepted bit of anthropological belief that men and women (men much more so) have an inherent urge to move on to another mate after a while. For some this is only a matter of days, for others it may be years - decades even. It's not uncommon at all to desire someone else. It's also not uncommon to be more attracted to someone who is already spoken for.

While I believe that our desire to have someone other than the person we are currently with is normal, it's what we do about it that defines the difference between a stable, committed, loving, trusting, bond between two people - and sexual flings without caring, concern, empathy and love.

Can you help how you feel? No.
Is it your choice to cheat? Yes.
Should you stay in a relationship you are unsatisfied with? No.
Is there someone out there that will satisfy your desires? Yes.

I hope you find someone that takes care of your every need and thereby blinds you to all others. :-)

Answer 4

In many more traditional societies it is not considered wrong for a man to cheat (as long as he is not cheating with someone else's wife). Women have little power and therefore cannot object or initiate divorce. And the men need to keep it this way, because, since only women can get pregnant, the women control access to offspring, and so the men must control the women. In a society where women aspire to equality, they can either seek monogamy and a stable two-parent family in which to raise their children, or have multiple sexual partners in an attempt to get the best genes for their kids. While it is true that a man can have hundreds of children and a woman only a few, the woman in that scenario is much more likely to have a close relationship with those few, and this means they are more likely to love her and care for her in her old age. My point is that sex is intimately bound up with family and child-rearing, and these in turn are the bedrock of society, civil rights, and democracy. You can't affect one of these without affecting all of them. Also, do you want to live surrounded by dishonest and selfish people who think that getting what they want is more important than sparing their loved ones from hurt?

Answer 5

I dont really know if its genetic but what i do know is you tend to live by the examples set for you. I wouldnt blame this on the mom but it sure didnt help anything. In my personal opinion i think everyone deep down inside at some point feels the urge to want to cheat on there spouse although they might not act upon it, its still there. I know how you feel i have been going through this here latley as well. I think alot of it is just knowing in your mind that your not aloud to do something so you want to do it even worse. Be sure to always be faithful but remember there is nothing wrong with fantasy.

Answer 6

No there isn't such thing a a biological urge to cheat. you can't blame your parents for what you have chosen to do although the social learning theory would suggest that you have learnt and copied the behaviour from your mum.

i think you need to look yourself in the mirror and ask yourself if you love your husband because if you did then you wouldnt want to cheat...

Answer 7

Maybe learn about trust, since you didn't really have good examples as a kid; the whole concept makes you insecure and compels you into compensatory behavior. What do you really want? To be loved and trusted? Then you need to give that. Or why did you get married in the first place? Go to the marriage/love/relationships section of the library.

Answer 8

In the sense of the way your asking, in the corner of some primitive mind, yes. Selecting the strongest (most desirable) male insures that your child will be strong. This isn't the stone age however, we have developed the intellect (if not the desire) to overcome basic urges in more socially acceptable outlets.

The real question is what is motivating you to pursue self destructive actions. I would advise you to seek counseling and attend marriage counseling with your husband. This is not something that will just go away, treat your spouse with respect and include him in your struggles.

Answer 9

i don't believe there is such a thing. but traits and patterns are indeed passed from one generation to the next. just tell yourself you do not want to do the same thing. once you are truely content in your marriage you should have no need or desire to cheat. so if your life is not 'fulfilling' at the moment find something (s) to fill the void other than someone else. you need to trust in yourself before expecting your partner to trust in you.

Answer 10

Biology plays a part in the make-up of our bodies... hormones included... like when hyperthyroidism runs in a family thru a parent... it can cause mental/nervous/physical problems in the children.
The thyroid gland controls all the other glands & can produce normal amounts of hormones, too many, or not enough hormones.
Sounds like there's either a hormonal imbalance that's driving you to do it... or... your mom cheating is so stuck in your mind that it's causing cheating to be on your mind so much, that you're following blindly in her footsteps.