How to get over someone after 10 years?

Question

I have been married to my wife for over 8 years and together for 10 years. I found out 3 weeks ago that she wanted a divorce. Once I found this out I started snopping around her stuff. I found a halloween card from another man that said he couldn't wait to make love to her again. I kicked her out of the house. I have really strong feelings for her still. It seems that she has no feelings for me. How can I move on with my life. It just feel like she is still there but just distant to me.

Answer 1

Find an old pic of her and blow a wad all over it. That should make you feel better.

Answer 2

I really enjoyed what "Betrayed" wrote. She is so right about so many things. It has only been 3 weeks since she asked for a divorce but I bet you noticed some things were wrong long before she asked for one. I am very sorry that you are going thru this but if you go thru all of these "boards" you notice so many people going thru what you are going thru. I really got my world torn apart about 2 years ago. I made this huge mistake about 9 months ago and started in contact again with him. Very wrong to do. It just tore the scar off the ole wound again. You need to understand that she has decided what she wants and it isn't you. I am so sorry to say that but the sooner you understand this, you will start going thru the phases that Betrayed mentioned.

You are going to make it and you have to just tell yourself that every damn day. There are going to be some really hard days and you just need to tell yourself that this is part of the grieving process. You are so not alone. That seemed to help me the most when I was first informed that I was expendable. Please find a really good friend that you can call when you are having a tough moment/day. Also just so that you understand this is normal, you could be having so many good days in a row that you think that you are over her. Then the next day you want to just curl up in a corner and go to sleep forever. Those days seem to last too long. It is normal, it is just part of the healing. I wish you the best of luck. God bless.....

Answer 3

Well, I'm in the same sinking boat. I recommend that you DO NOT be bitter, whine, or beg for her to come back. This WILL only drive her away and justify her positition. Give her space and let her no occasionally how you feel. You have probably made some changes and you just need to display to her that you are a great guy.

Women can be pure evil sometimes. So there is a chance she won't look back at what she had. I hope kids weren't involved. You did the right thing about kicking her out. Get a lawyer just to cover your butt and document every word that comes out of her mouth.

Answer 4

If you are unsure of where you stand with her you have to have a talk with her about why she felt the need to have an affair. Go talk to a councillor together before you get a divorce and clear the air. If you both are not willing to work things out a divorce is probably for the best.
You have to move on if you know in your mind and heart that things will not get better. Trust and communication is a big factor in a marriage and losing one or both can be rebuilt if all the parties are on the same page. Good Luck.

Answer 5

You both need to talk, preferably with a marriage counselor. There are probably deeper things going on in your marriage that need to be discussed and brought out into the open.

At some point soon, there needs to be an overall forgiveness. First of yourself, whatever you may have done (or not done) to make this marriage not work. When you get clear with this you must forgive yourself. Then go to your wife and ask for her forgiveness of you - for whatever you may have done, or not done to create the conditions that have brought you both to this place.

Then, you need to look deeply at your wife, beyond your own anger and emotions, and see what has brought her to do the things she has done. You have to have empathy and truly understand her first before you can really, truly, forgive her.

Only through forgiveness can there be healing, or else there will be a residue of anger that will not go away.

You both can change and repair those parts of you that are preventing the marriage from working.

Marriage is hard, there is constant growth. You have to continually work hard at your marriage so that it stays in harmony. No many people get there, but you can, you can really make it work through forgiveness and personal transformation.

I hope this helps a little. God Bless and Good Luck.

Answer 6

I am a happily married woman, and my husband is the best man I've ever met (aside from my father...he's a good man too)
but there are times where I get hung up on the past with my POS loser ex boyfriend for no reason at all... I can't explain it, i guess it's just certian traits unknown to me that I still long for. (I would never cheat on my husband...Just had to make that clear)

I'm sorry this happened to you, just take day by day as it comes. There will be good ones and bad ones. There's no "miracle cure" for a broken heart, and there is no "golden answer" here. I'm sorry. It may help you in time to pray for her and ask that she find everything she's looking for. She may not, and she may lead a miserable life, but you'll be a stronger person for it. I believe there is no situation that can't be overcome, and every moment of life is a learning process. You'll learn how to handle this over time, until then, god be with you and comfort you. Good luck.

Answer 7

it is hard to know it's the end of life as we knew it with someone we loved and trusted, but she is cheating on u, and it can never be the same , when it happened to me i just felt terribble, self blaming, the what if's came to mind, but i knew i could not get past it, and the deceitful ways he chose to be with the other woman. sometimes it is just easier to divorce them, and move on, and find someone else, we will never stop loving them, but for our own sanity and well being we just have to get a divorce, and find a new love who will treat us better. to move on as hard as it is, throw away all memories of her, get her to come get her things, and file for divorce because u already know she chose the other man over you,and if she did come back, you could never be sure if it were that she loved u, or if it was that things just didn't work out between them. get a good support system, meaning a good trusted friend, maybe your minister at church, maybe a therapist, because u can't get through this alone, and also pray for understanding. know that u will never feel the same about her even if she would come home. we will never know why we were betrayed, or why they chose another over us, certinly hurts our self worth, and defines us for awhile. but there is life after divorce.pain doesn't leave us where it finds us, the pain does diminish, after a time. but it is absolutely the hardest thing that we will ever have to face in a lifetime.

Answer 8

Go to a counselor so you can deal with your feelings in a productive way.

You've been dealt quite a blow and probably still in shock. The first thing you need to do is get help gaining perspective so you don't do or say anything you may regret later. You need to make sense of how you feel, then you'll be able to move forward, whether you are able to eventually work things out with her or not.

Answer 9

the fact that she kept that card is a sign..........and a divorce? i think you did the right thing by putting her out. but as far as getting over her?.......thats gonna be the really hard part! your hurt at her actions on top of it....you feel betrayd i would imagine.. but youll never forget her ...shell always be a part of you ....forever.. but you go out and meet new people...youll have to force yourself to do this. a new girl will come into your life and itll make getting past your x alot eiser....shell fill in alot of the emptiness ...but she wont be the woman you married....and youll have to not compare them to give your new love a chance. it wont be easy by any means ....but when your around your x you gotta act as if the world is yours.....that your doing great and are in control of yourself and the situation.....you gotta keep looking good...neat and together,,like she did you a favor....get the picture? it will be killing you inside....but dont show it......if you feel yourself about to break down....say u gotta meet someone and you cry where u cant be seen by her........but leave .......but it does get better...i promise !!!!!! i too lost someone after 10 yrs.....she got tired of my games. so i wish u the best my friend....

Answer 10

Man am I the last one who should be answering this one,I've been divorced over 4 years and would still go back to my ex in a heartbeat. Here's hoping it's not that bad for you,good luck to you, but I swear when it comes to women I sometimes wish I had been born Gay,eww gross but I guess if a person were gay they wouldn't think so,lol Seriously good luck.

Answer 11

I have been with my husband 28 years and found out he has been seeing a women in his office , he broke my heart, he always told me how much he loved me he still loves me and wants to make it work,
your wife wants to leave
i know it hurts but think god have someone better waiting for you ,and the sooner you move on the sooner god can bring her to you..
but i'm just a stupid woman