A little bit over a month ago, I came out to my parents. They were loving about it, but not exactly accepting. Since I have come out to them, I have been left out of family dinners and functions (all of which my parents have incredible excuses for). I'm even being left out of the family picture christmas card!! Needless to say, since my coming out, my parents avoid the topic at all costs. Having said this, they had no problem letting everyone they know that I am gay (irritating).
I've been out to everyone else in my life for quite awhile (I'm 25). I have been seeing an incredible woman that I am in love with for some time. This monday she proposed to me, and gave me a beautiful ring. I am beyond thrilled; I am over the moon. It is just weird to not share this awesome news with my parents. They don't even know that I am dating someone!
I know it will take some time, but how do I go about breaking this awesome news to my parents????
2006-11-09 04:26:13 · 15 answers · asked by ? 2 in Society & Culture ➔ Cultures & Groups ➔ Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual, and Transgender
Stand up for what you believe in. Sometimes it takes parents a while to come around to things, & sometimes they don't come around at all. Talk to them.. sit them down & have a discussion. Tell them how they've made you feel & remind them that you are still the same person they raised. You simply have your ideals & opinions & what you do with your life has no reflection on them. It's who YOU are. Tell them how pefectly happy you are with who you are & see what comes of it. If they seem to understand better, & begin to include you in family functions again then give it a little while.. 2-3 weeks perhaps & then announce to them you are engaged. I'm guessing you don't take your ring off around your family.... so I'm sure they're curious but affraid to ask.
You know.. maybe they're just affraid of what the neighbors will say. Maybe they don't know enough about same sex partnerships... I don't know your parents or family, but sometimes the unknown can be quite scary. They may even be thinking they just don't know who you are... so sitting down & talking with them about who you are & what you believe in may make things more clear for them.
2006-11-09 06:48:20 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
If you are truly in love and think this person "is the one." RELAX. You have just found what millions of people out there are looking for. RELAX. Don't worry about your parents, family, friends reaction. It will now be about you and your mate. The both of you together can go and let everyone know your engaged. You could even do it on thanksgiving. If someone isn't happy for you such as your parents then give it time. Take it with a grain of salt though. If gays and lesbians didn't go through with a ceremony every time their parents were not farting rainbows about the whole thing, then we'd neve get married, or have ceremonies. Or the majority of us I should say. Good Luck. You;ll be fine. BE HAPPY. You're in love!
2006-11-09 12:40:33 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Congrats. Rosie O'Donnal had the same thing going on. It took some time but sounds like her inlaws are finally except the whole thing. As for you will tell the truth it always best even if it does hurt. If they don't come to the wedding make sure to have a spare tape to and photos to give them someday when they can finally except the whole thing. Good Luck and Congrats again. I'm not a Lesbian myself but find nothing wrong with anyone finding love in this world.
2006-11-09 12:44:14 · answer #3 · answered by missgigglebunny 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Why bother? They cut you out of the freakin Christmas card photos, they leave you out of family gatherings. Do you think announcing you're engaged to another woman is going to change all of that? If you want, send them an email. It's not like they're going to be disappointed they weren't there for the big event. They obviously don't approve of it anyway... Just because they tell everyone you're gay doesn't mean they're cool with it. They're just trying to get the word out that they know before someone finds out by seeing you kissing another woman on the street or something.
The news is "awesome" to you, not your parents.
2006-11-09 12:32:17 · answer #4 · answered by bodinibold 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I'm so sorry; this is a miserable situation.
But congratulations!!!
For what it's worth, in my own family, my parents were actually BETTER with my orientation once I had a partner who I could introduce them to; it took away their fears about promiscuity and loneliness and all.
It helped that they really liked my partner.
I realize not all are as lucky as I am, but really, how much worse will it get? They have already excluded you and made you miserable.
Unless you actually fear physical violence, I think you can tell them, "You may not be thrilled with this, but I need you to know that I am. She makes me happy and I am ready to spend the rest of my life with her. Of course, it is my hope that you will welcome my new family into your life, too, but if that's not possible for you yet, I hope you can be happy knowing that I am happy."
Even if the results are unpleasant, well, seems like they're already making your life unpleasant. What is there to lose?
2006-11-09 12:38:48 · answer #5 · answered by Ethel 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sounds to me like they still have acceptance issues, so how you tell them isn't likely to be a big deal. If they're cutting you out of family events, they almost certainly won't come to your wedding.
There's still hope that over time they'll come to love your wife and accept your relationship, but it sounds like that'll be a long time coming. Until then, draw strength and love from the woman you love and concentrat on building your life with her.
2006-11-09 12:34:57 · answer #6 · answered by Rob B 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It sounds to me as if your parents may feel they've done something wrong themselves that make them feel responsible for your sexual preferences. As such, along with how a majority of people don't seem to accept the fact that some people are going to be attracted to the same sex, they may be embarassed because of your same sex relationship. It's your life and you go around only once in a lifetime so do what makes you happy!!
2006-11-09 12:34:35 · answer #7 · answered by KC V ™ 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I honestly don't think it's going to matter how you tell them. It's terrible that you think they are being loving by leaving you out of family functions and out of the family picture. You have effectively been disowned. Tell them, if you feel it's important. But, focus on the good thing you have with your fiance.
2006-11-09 12:31:46 · answer #8 · answered by Angel Baby 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think you should just come right out and tell them. If you hide it then that is giving them reason to keep thinking there is something wrong with what you are doing, but if you are proud of it and of your relationship you would just let them know and act proud. Hiding it is just making the whole situation worse for everyone!!
2006-11-09 13:04:48 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well, unless you live in Vermont or Massachusetts, you pretty much cannot get married in the USA. If you two have a commitment ceremony than no one can stop you but you cannot get legally married in any State in the Union but Vermont.
I think your parents will be happy you have found someone, especially if they like your fiance.
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Same-sex_marriage
http://www.religioustolerance.org/hom_mar8.htm
2006-11-09 12:42:43 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋