Everytime my husband and I fight my daughter likes to get into the middle. She doesn't want him there because he disciplines her and I work alot plus go to school so I'm not at home alot of the times. We are having problems, he's staying somewhere else. She gets mad because I talk to him. He's my husband why wouldn't I talk to him? I tell her to mind her own business but she tells me it is her business because it effects her too. How can I tell her that whatever happens in my marriage is between him and I?
2006-11-09 03:49:49 · 11 answers · asked by FEDUP!! 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Wow how to answer this without attacking is going to be tricky.
First things between you and husband do affect your daughter. And you are damaging her severly. For one you yell at her and tell her to stay out of your business and you belittle her. Your making her feel very un-important and you are damaging her self-esteem. For two you are her role model and you are teaching her terrible things from your relationship. This is something that she is going to take onto her realationships forever and you are ultimately damaging her future relationships.
So what do you this at point first you make her feel important and that you do love her, you are her mom and you really need to make her feel secure that she has your love. And then if you decide to work things out between you and your husband then do not fight in front of her at all. Do not argue about things in front of her. Discuss these things with your husband there is no need to do this you are setting a terrible example for her.
Learn how to communicate better in your marriage a lot of your problems could be solved if you just compromised. Secondly your taking on too much and your not giving your family enough time. Try working part time and see how that goes. If your never there its hard to keep things under control and a nice happy environment.
I hope that things work out for you for the sake of your daughters well being. On another note you need to demand respect from her and you need to be there to discpline her. Shes almost 18 and maybe going off to college? If she does maybe you should hold off with school until then and spend more time on repairing your relationship with your daughter and stop concentrating so much on the men in your life and yourself. I hope I didnt come off too harsh because that wasnt my intentions you should just look at things in a different view. GoodLuck!
2006-11-09 03:54:07 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 3⤊ 0⤋
You're right, it's none of her business. Refuse to discuss it with her and keep right on telling her to mind her own business when she tries to butt it. Naturally she's not going to want to listen to him or anyone else that has a role in disciplining her. Don't you just love teenagers? Unfortunately I've found that they really don't start listening until they get a bit older. Stand your ground, you sound like you're doing the right thing. Have you tried really getting into her business? Have a ton of opinions where her and her friends are concerned and be super vocal about it...let her know that it "affects you too". Give it right back to her! Good luck to you with both your husband and your daughter.
2006-11-09 11:59:10 · answer #2 · answered by grannyhuh 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You're paying the price for fighting openly in front of her.
If you and your ex need to discuss ANYTHING personal (as in, not family plans but personal topics), move to a private area; if your kid tries to go there too, the BOTH of you should agree to ask her to go away until you're done - ORDER HER TO LEAVE AS A COUPLE if necessary.
She's trying to butt into your personal affairs as if she's an equal third partner - she is NOT. She is your child and has no more right to interfere in your relationships than you do telling her to stop dating someone.
2006-11-09 11:59:09 · answer #3 · answered by drumrb0y 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
just like that.
tell her she doesn't have the power to make your decisions or her father's decisions.
she's old enough to understand that parents are people too
even if you do have these discussions with your husband a lot at the house, she should learn to respect your authority in the matter.
but, try having the time spent with him outside of her vision for a while.
2006-11-09 11:55:28 · answer #4 · answered by smartkid37138 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I was in a situation similar to this not too long ago... my 15 year old told me I had to make his step dad leave... NOT IN THIS LIFETIME>>>they had an arguement over me. He (my 15 year old) was trying to defend me. But, my hubby is still there and they are gettting along fine. All you have to do is make up your mind as to what you want and let her know. She will be happy when she sees that you are happy.
2006-11-09 11:56:26 · answer #5 · answered by LittleLady 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
But you have to remember, it affects her too. Are you sure there isn't another reason she dislikes him so much? I knew someone who was molested and her Mom never believed her. Not that I'm saying that's happening here but talk to her to make sure it is something stupid, like her hating his discipline, vs. something serious. Good luck.
2006-11-09 11:55:33 · answer #6 · answered by Christabelle 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Your wrong, she the 16yr old is right! YOU need to get your crap together and make it a stable home for her to grow in, either end this terrible relationship with your husband or get counseling!
2006-11-09 12:01:23 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
i think you have no respect for your kid
she is a child, treat her like one and not an adult where you take out all your problems out on her
act like the mother, not the wife!
2006-11-09 11:53:22 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
She probably doesn't want him around because she doesn't like competing with him for your attention.....I am assuming this is her step dad, right?
2006-11-09 11:56:28 · answer #9 · answered by redbeansandrice 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Maybe she doesn't want him there for another reason....Try sitting her down and have her talk her feelings out to you....
2006-11-09 11:53:48 · answer #10 · answered by ♥Amanda♥ 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋