I want to forgive my brother, cuz I know holding a grudge isn't good for me, but I really can't come to do it...He made me break up with a wonderful guy (who I'm now seeing behind my brother's back) and he got himself in legal trouble, which hurt my family...I just hate him, and I don't want this in my life, but I can't let go!! help me...but please no God stuff, because I can't do that right now either
2006-11-09 02:06:09 · 9 answers · asked by Anonymous in Society & Culture ➔ Mythology & Folklore
Okay, I know he didn't MAKE me, he threatened to tell my parents lies about the guy, and I didn't want to hurt my parents, or their image of me...second, he doesn't want me to go out with the guy cuz 1.they used to be friends and my bro feels betrayed (even though my bf asked his permission before asking me out!!) and 2. because my bf has more relationship experience than I do.
2006-11-09 02:35:36 · update #1
Forgiveness shouldn't be automatic. If your brother isn't changing his opinion of your action, there is no reason to change your opinion of his action. If your brother apologizes and tries to make amends with you, then you should give him a chance to do so. However, it doesn't sound like he's going to change his mind on you being with this other person. You also don't have to forgive him for hurting your family, if he hasn't attempted to make amends for that.
That said, there are two points you should consider. First, just because you can't forgive your brother's action, that doesn't mean you have to hate him entirely. People aren't totally bad nor totally good. You can like or even love your brother while there are certain things you can't forgive him for. Those few actions your brother did don't define him in entirety.
The second point is that your brother's actions don't have to affect you. You are your own person. The only way your brother's actions can really harm you is if you obsess over them and let them affect your relationship. In that sense, you should let your brother's opinions go. You could interpret that as a type of "forgiveness", but it really is just letting other people have their opnions while you have yours.
You don't have to let your brother's opinions and actions affect your life. And you don't have to hate your brother just because you don't like some of his actions. However, you don't have to like someone just because they're related. Don't let other people emotionally affect you for no reason.
One more point, even though you don't like your brother's opinions about your boyfriend, do consider them. Perhaps there is something he knows that can help you. It might just be a stupid prejudice that you should just ignore, or it might be a type of personality that your brother has more experience with and he's trying to warn you about. If he didn't care about you, he wouldn't be chasing boyfriends away.
You have to come to grips with what you feel and why. Then you can deal with more specific issues and move on. Also, you should take people as they are, both the good and the bad. Adjust your relationships with people so you can work with them on the good side and avoid the bad side.
2006-11-09 02:08:30 · answer #1 · answered by nondescript 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Hate, is an emotion that errupts inside you when you feel controlled, slighted or bullied and the only way to get rid of it is to forgive. You almost never should forgive for the sake of the other persons feelings (unless you were wrong) If you were slighted... you forgive them FOR YOU! Otherwise, you carry around all that crap and it only effects you! It can begin when you come to understand that the mental and emotional condition of the other person is not really your problem and you should not live your life for their moods or whims.
You can't please everyone... the only person you really have at the end of the day is you. and Unforgivness comes when you can't express your right to be you and do what is best for or sometimes not at all good for you.
Maybe your borther knows something about this guy that you don't? Although it is not really all that fair for him to hold on to why he feels that way, he may not be able to tell you!
I had a friend once who's brother was doing everything he could do to keep his little sister away from a guy because both the boyfriend and the brother were gay! He couldn't tell her why, because he wasn't out yet and didn't want anyone to know. They argued terribly over it for a long time and the boyfriend had the brother by the throat because they knew each other were gay but neither one wanted anyone to know... It went on for about 2 years until he came out to his family THEN told her why.
They broke up shortly afterward and all was forgiven. You can't always see the reasons that are not obvious and maybe just can't be shared.
2006-11-09 02:20:25 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
The best way to forgive your brother is to forgive yourself. His problems r just that, His Own To Deal With; Just like Yours, belong to you. Now forgiveness doesn't mean forgetfulness, that is almost impossible...almost. What I, Wood do, is simple; Life is what It is, until it isn't anymore. That's the essence of forgiveness allowing your Brother to live his Life, mistakes and all. While you do your level best to live yours, with people that you like and the ones that you love. Hopefully this helps and forgive me if it doesn't; forgiveness is the test, living with it is the lesson. Simply stated, live your life to It's fullest making yourself happy and forgiving yourself for not being able to help others the way that they would want. Don't front on yourself. Help them the best way that you know how. Also, forgiveness is reserved for children, correctness is what usually helps adults. Meaning children are forgiven for not knowing while most adults, make moves on purpose. Remember Misery does love company, Anyones company. if you want to forgive your brother do so, by leaving Him alone while you find out what makes you happy. Then try talking to him after you've done that, about why you did it.
2006-11-09 03:09:17 · answer #3 · answered by wood 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You probably would have got more answers if you had put your question in the family and relationship category....don't you think? To answer your question...since I'm here...He made you? Oh, come on!! How can someone make you break up with someone?? Behind your brothers' back; what is he...your pimp?? You hate your brother? You need help!
2006-11-09 02:20:40 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Relationships can be complicated. Do not dismiss your brother or his opinions...you may yet need that trust and love. Blood is thicker than friendships. When we cannot forgive right away, we can release. They way we do this is...send it to the higher power you believe in. Wrap it in a white light so that it is healed, even as you are incapable of that healing thought.
2006-11-09 02:45:14 · answer #5 · answered by jmmevolve 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Honestly? You need to get in to see a good counselor you can trust and start to sort out your own feelings and past history. There is a deeper story here and it is taking you into a swamp. Go get some support. Face your own past and problems. Stop the cycle before it gets any more out of control.
2006-11-09 02:09:02 · answer #6 · answered by Isis 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
To start, he didn't make you break up with anyone. He may have pressured you, encouraged you, even lied to you to manipulate you, but ultimately you made that decision yourself. You need to accept and learn from your actions before you focus on your brother's.
2006-11-09 02:19:07 · answer #7 · answered by lcraesharbor 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
remember all the good times you've had and think about how it would be never to speak to him again. you brother accepts you as you are as you never could pretend forever with him. you need him. so let go of all the negative and thank god you have a brother who cares.
2006-11-09 02:17:07 · answer #8 · answered by sumaravindran1958 2 · 0⤊ 1⤋
For all that is love & glory, you must.
2006-11-09 02:19:10 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋