I have been with my bf for 6 years. We have 2 beautiful children together and lately things have been kind of rough. I love him so so so much but I don't think that I am 'in' love with him. He feels the same way. What should we do? We both never really 'dated' because we were together our senior year in high school and have been together since. We've always been faithful to one another. What should we do?
2006-11-09 01:53:57 · 11 answers · asked by KrisJH24 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
I think that's perfectly normal. The "in-love" feeling doesn't last in married type relationships. Every couple is different so some last longer then others but eventually it will sizzle out and marital love which is an unconditional love for your spouse will surface.
I am adjusting to that myself. My husband is a great guy and we realized how much we truly and deeply love one another but we are not "in-love".
You know, my mom always warned me about this kind of marital love I would be facing. She use to say "Etoile marital love is different from being in-love, that feeling you are experiencing while young ...you'll see..." now that I'm married I finally understand what she meant by that...
lol luckily my parents displayed love and affection around the house so it left a good impression on me as an adult.
Hope this helps I know this gave me a chance to vent a little, thanks ^_^
Best wishes to you and yours sis!
2006-11-09 02:06:54 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 4⤊ 0⤋
Read Gary Chapman's 'The Five Love Languages' and know that you are not alone. That 'in love' high that all relationships start with is a chemical/hormonal reaction. It is supposed to settle into a more comfortable, lasting love. There are lots of things you can both do to 'jazz' things up. Start dating (each other, of course). Take some time each week away from the kids to do things just for the two of you.
In this day and age everyone wants instant gratification in every aspect of their life. Their expectations of their marriage/relationships are affected by this, too. Excitement is all well and good but that deeper, more committed love is what it's really all about. Relationships have highs and lows - you are in a low right now and just need a 'tune up'. Regular maintenance is required for relationships just like it is for your cars.
Listen to your heart and soul.
2006-11-09 02:42:59 · answer #2 · answered by greyrider 4 · 2⤊ 0⤋
How do you know when you're "in" love? If you don't feel like you used to, try going out, having a romantic night at home (if you can send the kids to their grandparents for the weekend or something), try something to bring the passion back. If that doesn't work, then try couples counseling. If you still love each other, do whatever it takes to stay together. If all else fails, though, end it before you both become bitter and angry. It would be better for your kids to have you two amicably separated than together being bitter and angry. Kids pick up on stuff like that. I'm no professional, but I hope this was helpful.
2006-11-09 02:04:31 · answer #3 · answered by ? 2 · 2⤊ 0⤋
So you have true love, but you've fallen out of infatuation.
Here's a big secret to life that so many people do not get - infatuation is supposed to go away! It's supposed to be replaced by that quieter, more profound, true love.
You have a family together, and you have that true love - don't give it up!
I think it's important however that you still date each other. Pick one night a week that you spend together just the two of you. Court one another and consider marriage - if you have that true love, then you already have exactly what it takes to make a great marriage.
best wishes
2006-11-09 02:33:59 · answer #4 · answered by daisyk 6 · 4⤊ 0⤋
My husband and i went through something like this a few years ago the only defiance was that we had been married for 10 years and he still loved me, i couldn't feel his love any more couldn't see it when i looked at him and was leaving BUT we had a young child together, knew she needed both of us and what this would do to her , we talked and agreed that if we couldn't work things out in the next year we would both walk away, ur kids need ya;ll to try to work thing out, to stay together for them, stay happy , the love ya'll felt for each other still there, take time and find each other again, talking, trust, and love the most important part that keeps people together, i am happy to say that because we saw there was a problem and took time to try we have worked thing out and are very much happy and in love again, most important still together
Having kids takes alto out of you both and also take from your marriage but if you want it to work it will, only 6 years i wouldn't think ya'll would be going through this so soon
2006-11-09 02:29:44 · answer #5 · answered by Marie 1 · 1⤊ 0⤋
i passed for that situation no so long ago.
i thought i wasn't,t in love anymore ,but i was wrong.
i just was to experience the things that i dint do wile i was single.
i dint dated , got married after 8 weeks.
but i wanted do do this and that ,because I'm young , much to learn, why get stuck now.
i dint see anything in my life.
so i did it.
said to my wife it would be better to separate from each other for a while to try do do the things we always wanted.
in the end it was a mistake . she found out that it was someone in this world that was better than me.
alone and single was the final answer.
now I'm married , have my house, and still waiting for her to change her mind about kids .
she don't want any kid,s for now.
i hope i was a help for you.
Orbytall
2006-11-09 02:18:14 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Everyone is going to go through some rough patches, it's part of being a couple. maybe this is just a phase. To me being in love and loving him with all your heart is the same thing.
2006-11-09 01:58:11 · answer #7 · answered by dizzymisslizzy 2 · 2⤊ 1⤋
Loving and being in love are two completely different feelings. For example, you love your Dad but you are not in love with your Dad. See what I mean. Being in love is like you can't be without the other person. You do things without being asked or just "because" and expect nothing in return.
2006-11-09 02:06:11 · answer #8 · answered by knowsbetter 1 · 0⤊ 1⤋
I can't believe you just asked this question. I was just logging in to ask this EXACT same question and BAM there is was.
Unreal...just wanted to say that....Except I've been married for 8 yrs.
All the best. :o)
I'll be reading all your answers !
2006-11-09 02:04:12 · answer #9 · answered by Lexington 3 · 2⤊ 0⤋
You now have two children and it's not the time to think like this.
2006-11-09 01:58:28 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 2⤋