I'm going to tell my mom I'm a trangender today, but how?

Question

Hello, my name is Stephen, and I'm 14 years old. Today, I'm going to tell my mom that I'm a transgender and that I want to start taking estrogen and antiandrogens. How should I approach this? I told my 15-year-old brother, Danny, about it. He said he suspected it/knew it, and that he's going to help me tell my mom. Should we go to a physician, or order the hormones online? Please help.

Answer 1

Coming Out to Family as Transgender

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Our kid changed his gender appearance, his name, his sexual orientation and his religion all at once. We didn’t tell our child that he was a bad person, or immoral or sick. We told our child that we needed time to accept the change. And there was rage, on both sides. With time and the support of other parents of trans children, we came to love the son we never knew we had.


— Pat Milligan, father of a female-to-male transsexual and host of northern New Jersey T*FAM (a support group for the families of transgender people)




There are some similarities between what transgender people and gay, lesbian and bisexual people face when coming out to family members. Both groups are likely to fear that their parents will reject them after they come out. If you’re still living at home, you might be afraid that they will throw you out of the house or stop paying for college. Family members might tell you you're immoral, end communications or simply stop loving you.
While it's true that many parents are shocked when their children come out to them, it is also true that for many parents, it's very hard to permanently reject their children. Parents might react in ways that hurt. Some cry, get angry or shut down emotionally. Some try to send their child to counselors or therapists in attempts to change their child. Many go through a cycle of anger and loss that for some eventually turns into acceptance.

Remember that your parents grew up in a time when some of the misperceptions about gay, lesbian, bisexual and transgender people were more prevalent than they are today, and many of those that concern transgender people still persist. Remember, too, that they probably think they are trying to keep you safe from something they don’t understand. It’s important to give your family time to adjust to the news. There's really no set schedule for how long it takes parents to adjust. Some take months. Some take years. And, of course, some have known all along.

“There was some information online written for parents about having a child come out as trans,” says Tomas Moore, female-to-male transgender graduate student. “Reading it really helped me understand what they would be going through and allowed me to give them the time they needed to process and understand.”

Many people will have questions when you come out to them. You might want to be prepared by having information about gender identity and expression to give them. Researching local support groups for parents and families of transgender people is helpful, too. Many communities have local chapters of Parents, Families and Friends of Lesbians and Gays, which has a PFLAG Transgender Network, T-NET. T-NET is not a chapter of PFLAG, but rather a special affiliate that focuses on promoting the health and well-being of transgender people and their families and friends. They produce a booklet, Our Trans Children, that your parents may find helpful in understanding what you have just told them.

After coming out to their families, some transgender people find that their relatives can be some of their most supportive and dedicated advocates.

“When we were growing up I was the big brother who protected my sister,” says Donna Rose, an information technology specialist from Austin, Texas, who transitioned from male to female when she was in her 40s. “But now that we’re grown up and I’ve transitioned, more often than not she is my bodyguard!”


Articles and more look to hrc.org, go under hot issues and click transgender. good luck

Coming Out as Transgender: A Lifelong Journey
What Does 'Transgender' Mean?
Coming Out to Oneself
Sexual Orientation and Gender Identity
What is Gender Identity Disorder?
Coming Out to Family
Marriage and Coming Out as Transgender
Coming Out in Society
Coming Out in the Workplace
Entertainment and Media
Books and Videos on Transgender Issues

Answer 2

Not sure you can get the products you desire without parental consent. Not even sure you can get a doctor to write the 'scripts' because of your age, it depends on a lot of stuff.

It is my understanding that most doctors will require you to dress and live as a woman 24/7 for a least five years before they assist medically. First with hormones and later with operations. This will likely be five years of living after the age of 18.

Start by asking your mom about how she knew that she was female and prefered males. A chance to let her know your feelings may arise, if it does not, do not force it. Also understand that even happily married men can enjoy the occasional dress-up from time to time.

You may need to take a personal inventory. Do you desire romantic closeness with a man? Do you find women so beautiful that you want to participate? Are you just truly just curious? Is it pure hate for your parental figures? It may take some real soul searching and perhaps a dress up session in TOTAL privacy before you have a handle on these questions and the full extent of your self image.

That is what being a teen is, these things come up and sometimes they do not mean exactly what you think they do. Not trying to be cryptic, just letting you know you are not alone. Seek out an open-minded person you can trust and talk to about this. School/Guidance is a great place to start.

However, as you are so young, may I encourage you to focus on school. You have your entire life to mold your outer person to fit your inner person. All of this should have little impact on your desire to educate yourself and set goals for a secure life. If you let self-image and personal sexual exploration become your main focus now, you are asking for a life of being used and defining yourself by other people. Define yourself by your smarts and goals the rest will fall into place, woman or man it does not matter.

Answer 3

print out some information explaining what transgendered is so you mom has something to read over from a reputible web site preferably a site with medical background. and ask her to help you get the hormones.

self medicating is very dangerous with hormones. the wrong dose can cause liver and kidney damage. also your going to need her approval for a doctor to treat you.

good luck. i wish i had the guts to come out as young as you are.
starting young is the best thing but do it the right way. your results will be that much better if you do.

Answer 4

the best way to tell you mom is to be foward with her. tell her you need to tell her something important and when will she have time to listen. if she says now, say no, i really need you when you have about an hour so we can thouroughly talk about this issue. (dont tell her when she drops you off to school or when she is cooking dinner, explain that it is an important issue and you want to make sure there is time to absorp all the information that is going to be exchanged) when she agrees, meet her and start talking.

tell her you love her and this has nothing to do with her as a mother, that she has done a very good job in raising you. (give examples like how well you think for yourself, or how compassionate you are because of the things she taught you.) tell her that you understand this is going to be a shock and that you would like her to remember to love you unconditionally even is she doesnt understand your choices. if she reacts negatively, tell her you understand her panic and that you love her unconditionally and that you hope someday she can accept your life choices.

this conversation may open up a line a communication that is fabulous, or it may close the doors on your realtionship, either for awhile while she processes this or maybe forever is she cannot understand it. either way you must forgive her and love her, she is your mother. and you must find a way to stay true to yourself and love yourself also. sometimes negativism can cause us to judge ourselves and then we start to shame ourselves and feel like we are unworthy.

pray about this and ask God to help you find the right way to communicate.

lifting you on eagles wings,\
lily

Answer 5

Hunny your still young but if this is what you want for sure then by all means go for it. It's gonna be hard for your mum to understand and accept at first but it doesn't change the relationship you have with her. the best thing to do is just be direct about your wishes and explain to her it's no fault of her own. Tell her how you feel about it all. That's all anyone can say really. Good Luck hunny! xoxo

Answer 6

Def tlk to Mom first...Hey you already have brother on your side to help...it out to be easier that way. Keep in mind that you are 14. Your body is still changing everyday and before you start anything to change your body allow it to grow healthy and strong. Then once you are grown you can start with a clean slate and change at will. If you start to change things before you are grown it may make it harder to make yourself exactly the way you want to be. I have a friend who has gone through a sex change and waited till she was in her 50's to go from Rick to Pamela, Boy has she got great gams!!! You take care of your insides and Mom...The rest will be there waiting.......

Answer 7

I just want to reinforce the going to the doctor, thing. Don't take hormones with out a doctor's guidance, and perscription.

Answer 8

i doubt she'd let you start ordering the pills straight off, unless your real good at convincing people, i'd have her sit comfortably, maybe make her a cuppa tea or something, then look her in the eyes when you tell her, and stay calm and reasonable, dont have a fit if she refuses the drugs idea right away. then when your done talkin, sit back and let her take it in, good luck buddy.

Answer 9

Best to go to a doctor....you neevr know who'll rip you off online.

As for telling your mom...good luck with that! Hopefully she's really understanding, and might actually look forward to having a daughter!! :)

Good luck!

Answer 10

one thing at a time, Stephen..tell your mother first...then decide what physician you want to go to and he/she will decide on hormones...you only have 1 thing on your agenda today...telling your mother with your brothers support.

Answer 11

Make sure you can answer the questions that are going to come with it. Or make sure you can at least find some of the answers