Pregnant by rape. what to do?? Abortion?

Question

I am pregnant and i got pregnant through rape.My future husband wants me to have an abortion because he says hes not taking care of a baby that was'nt his. I strongly didagree with abortion. i believe abortion is murder and that everything happens for a reason. I told my husband i was not going to get an abortion and now he threatens to not take care of my child and leave me. i don't want to lose him but he says he will not live with this. What can i do.

i will not give my baby up for adoption. its MY child.

Answer 1

I had to read this a few times to get a good feel for what you are asking, and I came to the conclusion that you want an opinion that is both fair and honest.
~So here's what I got:
Even though you (your body) is what was put through this horrible ordeal, your husband is probably dealing with it also. I can only assume what he is going through and if you look for a moment at what he is feeling, you might just understand why he is asking this of you. Not only was something precious tainted in the woman he wanted to spend the rest of his life with, but now something special (conception) that should have been done between the 2 of you has been taken away from him. The fact that you want to keep a living breathing reminder of that is probably killing him. Rape is about power and control and now that you are pregnant and feel compelled to keep the result of it, you are in a sense allowing your rapist to rape your guy.

I am prochoice and I feel this choice is yours and yours alone to make. All of the information I gave you is nothing more than food for thought about the effects this rape and pregnancy is having on your guy. Often when a woman is raped people only think it effects her, but it really has an impact on all of those who are close to her. Good luck with what you decide.

Answer 2

That's a tough situation. How do you feel about adoption? That's a better option that abortion. I'm against abortion also. Regardless, God allowed you to get pregnant, and the baby is still your baby...has your genes, and you are the baby's mother. If the future husband isn't going to be supportive, you need to choose which one means more to you. If he's unwilling to support the child, then maybe adoption would be the best thing in your case if you don't want to lose him. There are many people who would love to take care of that child and would care for it as their own. And maybe God has allowed you to have this child for someone else that really wants one, but for health or other reasons can't get pregnant. I'm so sorry you are having to deal with that. That's not an easy situation to be in. Personally I think it's kind of rotten that your man isn't supporting you. Seems like if he really loved you he would respect your feelings on it and be more supportive, and let you make the decision and back you on it. It takes more than sperm to be a dad. He could be the father of that baby as if it were his, but he's choosing not to and that just tells that he would probably have resentment towards the baby if you were to stay with him. Then again, if you did have the baby and he stayed with you, he might just grow to love it. It could go either way. My only advise to you would be to talk to him and tell him exactly how you feel about it, and how much it hurts you to have to make such a hard decision, and with his lack of support. At least if you tell him all that you can judge his reaction and it might make your decision a little bit easier. Good luck. I hope everything works out for you.

Answer 3

Wow. You have a very hard decision to make and unfortunately it is one that you will have to make all on your own. First of all, I hope you are seeking counseling for the rape...and if your boyfriend intends to marry you and stick by you, then he should be attending counseling as well. I am not going to tell you that he is an unsupportive jerk because he is entitled to his opinion and his feelings. He is probably having a hard enough time dealing with the fact that the woman he loves was violated by another man. In addition, I am sure that his pride is really being tested to know that that woman is also carrying someone elses baby.. and that this child is the result of such a violent and emontionally devastating act that not only affected you but your boyfriend as well. Perhaps in his mind, he cannot understand why you would want this child regardless of wether it is your baby or not....it was created with a man that hurt and disrespected you.
If you decide to keep the child, you will probably end up doing it with out the help of your boyfriend...and even if he did decide to stick it out, there will come a time when he resents that child. He will most likely never be able to look at that child without feeling some sort of anger.
i know that you are torn on this decision but you need to weigh the pros and cons here...what are you going to tell the child? You baby will either grow up with a father that is not biologically is...or not have any father at all. You will have to face issues and feelings of anger with that child as well. Maybe not soon, but at some point in this childs life, it is going to want to know the truth and if you tell it the truth, it will struggle with the answers as to why it's father could do this.
You boyfriend should love and support you, but at least give him credit for being honest. If he feels this is something that he cannot live with, then say goodbye and move on. Don't force him into it as he will only resent the both of you.
Good luck.

Answer 4

If you strongly disagree with abortion and he knows this and he is still threatening you/trying to intimidate you to abort, then that raises some very serious red flags in my mind.

Essentially he has asked you to do something YOU consider murder. There is nothing he could ask you to do which could be worse, so what is off limits for him? Would he expect you to lie to the police, cheat on taxes, agree to a threesome with a college buddy?

If he cannot be respectful and gentle when you are dealing with a pregnancy as the result of a rape, how will he deal with day to day disagreements?

I could see it if he said raising the child would be too difficult because every time he saw the child he would think of you being hurt. Then, talk about adoption. But that doesn't sound like the issue at all.

You are the victim here. You have every right to be angry and lash out at people. Instead you are courageously refusing to abort a child who has done nothing wrong. You are sticking by your principles in a time when your world has been torn apart.

If he cannot see what an incredible woman you are and how much grace and strength you have, then he is a fool.

You say you are afraid of losing him. If you abort this child (against your convictions) to appease him, aren't you afraid of losing yourself?

As I re-read your whole question, one phrase jumps out at me: everything happens for a reason.

Horrible as this sounds, maybe this man is not right for you. Perhaps going to couples counseling or talking about adoption will help.

No matter what happens you seem like a woman with a strong sense of who you are. Hang on to that and go spend time with people who realize what an amazing person you are.
Best wishes.

Answer 5

How do YOU feel about raising a baby that was conceived through rape? Have you two discussed putting the child up for adoption? That is, if you don't think you could love and nurture the baby as you should because of the circumstances. Your husband shouldn't get upset with you because you did not ask for this to happen, and like you said, things happen for a reason. If your husband is a spiritual person, then maybe he should have a little talk with GOD to see what HE wants you to do. God Bless.

Answer 6

first of all, let me say how sorry I am for the situation you're in. Rape alone is not easy to handle, but to have a child from it.... you are a very strong person. As far as having an abortion or losing your future husband, my advise is to not be miserable. whatever that decission is, don't be miserable. Whatever YOU need to do, that's what you should do, I think deep down, you already have your answer. If your future husband cannot support your decission, regardless of what it might be, then find someone who can emotionally support you better. Again, you seem like a very strong willed individual and I'm sure that you can handle anything that comes from this. I wish you my heart felt best.
p.s. i agree with you that everything happens for a reason...

Answer 7

You should definitely look at the study "Victims and Victors". It's a case study chronically over 50 women who are facing just what you are facing.

The women who chose to have the babies and give them up to adoption or raise them on their own had less long-term negative side effects from the rape, than the women who committed abortions.

One reasoning for that is that Post-Abortion Syndrome (PAS) has similar symptoms as to Post Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD) that occurs after a traumatic situation, like rape. Having a woman go through a painful, invasive procedure after already having a rape happen to her body can be really traumatic and negative.

Also, some of the side effects of abortion can lead to sterility or other long-term negative fertility issues. Imagine the guilt and frustration your future husband will feel if his pressuring caused you to be sterile.

Please try and go to counseling and either offer the baby up for adoption or raise it as your own. The baby is an innocent victim, like you. Two wrongs do not make a right.

One of my best friends is a "product of rape." She's a happy, healthy, wonderful person who is now raising a child of her own.

I hope this helps!

Answer 8

If you do not believe in abortion then carry the baby to term and give it up. That child will be loved by you no doubt but with your husband not wanting to keep it then the best thing to do is let a family that can not have children adopt it. You can choose the family if you like or let the social services handle it. I hope that every thing works out for you and the baby. God bless you. Hugs.

Answer 9

Adoption might be a good option for you. Maybe if you talk to your husband and tell him that no matter what you really dont want an abortion but that you would put the child up for adoption he could accept that. I can really understand how he feels but also understand how you feel I would not want to have a child from a rape. This would require you to tell people what happened tho' so they dont expect you to keep the baby. That part might be really hard. Oh gosh good luck to you I hope it all works out.

Answer 10

Your future husband needs to get off of the white horse he rode in on. Every human is sinful, including him.

The unborn or any child born into this world is a person, not a mistake. He/she deserves the best and fullest life we can bring.

I would suggest that you get counseling on this issue, the both of you. There are underlying issues besides just the pregnancy.
He is making demands, is insistent on this and "threatening to leave you" which is blackmail, not love or understanding. Perhaps you need to re-examine your relationship. His attitude towards you and his control issues will crop up again in the marriage, and you will feel destabilized by his behavior.

You may decide, that in the interest of your future together, that it is best to give the baby up for adoption. He will need to see the light of not taking a baby's life. After the baby is born, and it he/she is in his arms, he may regret his words of anger during the pregnancy. For the baby will be a part of you -- is he rejecting that aspect of the new baby ????