me and my partner have been together now for nearly 8 year's met him when i was 18 and he was 33. we now have two children together but i feel like i cant do any thing I'm not aloud 2 go out clubbing I'm now 25 but he goes out with his mates hes now 39 i don't have any friends now because they feel unwelcome where the come round what could i do i understand he works all work and wants to unwind but what about me i have the 2 kida 24/7 which i dont mind but i would also like a night of from cleaning doing house work and looking after kids.do you think im being selfish?
2006-11-09 01:15:27 · 42 answers · asked by pauline_rk 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Other - Family & Relationships
for got 2 say when he goes out he dont go clubbing he plays on fruit machines all night and he doesnt drink so he doesnt like it when i do
2006-11-09 01:22:16 · update #1
i have talked to him about this but he thinks im going to go of with some one else and he wont come out with me or baby site & if he dose baby site so i can go out he is on the mobile every half hour
2006-11-09 01:35:09 · update #2
i have talked to him about this but he thinks im going to go of with some one else and he wont come out with me or baby site & if he dose baby site so i can go out he is on the mobile every half hour
2006-11-09 01:35:10 · update #3
No, you are not being selfish, you are being a 25 year old girl. This is why realtionships with such an age difference dont work out, the 2 of you are at TOTALLY different points in your life, all I can say is good luck!
2006-11-09 01:17:24 · answer #1 · answered by BiancaVee 5 · 1⤊ 1⤋
No. You are not being selfish, your partner is.
Sad to say, he has controlled you since the beginning of your relationship (it’s all part of his plan). It appears to me that all you can do for him is give him sex (mostly he’s being satisfied), baby-sit his children, clean the house, cook his meals and avoid any close companionship, except his, of course. But hey, I could be wrong, right?
Your man definitely has a control issue, and being that you were only 18 when you met, he slowly infiltrated your young and immature mind to take on his thoughts, diminishing yours everyday over the years. The only thing that I see missing in your relationship is a ball & chain and a prison cell (he’s the warden).
Sister-Girl, you deserve so much more. Life is for living, your way. It’s not to be lived being placed in a closed box, having only one person holding the key, and that person is not you. You are a queen! And if he doesn’t treat you as such, then I would ask you to check yourself and ask why is it that you are willing to except anything other then the best. Could it be male attention that you were seeking at 18? Desperation? Seeking someone to love you, no matter the cost to your soul? Think about it…
He’s attempting to cut off all possible ties with the outside world, except the computer. Hopefully, he will not take that away too. If you every need an ear, don’t hesitate to email me, I’m willing to listen.
Be blessed and learn to love the complete you.
2006-11-09 02:06:07 · answer #2 · answered by Decent 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You are not being selfish at all! Everyone says that age doesn't matter, but it really does start to matter when u get a little older. He is almost 40 and u are in your twenties. He is feeling very insecure right now and knows as long as he keeps u in the "mom" role and with as few friends as possible then u won't be tempted to stray or be influenced by others. Please don't allow someone to control u. You need to get out and have fun in life. The best thing for u to do is try to make him realize that u are not wanting to go out to find someone new, that u just want to have a life outside of housekeeper and mother. He is having a life and its very unfair that he doesn't think u should. Don't let him isolate u. Talk to him, but either way start living the life everyone deserves, because in the end if u don't u will really regret it and be very unhappy. Good luck
2006-11-09 01:25:31 · answer #3 · answered by Amber 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You made a bad choice too early in life. This man did not just get this way overnight and you know it. Maybe in the beginning, it was cool to be with an older man or great that he was domineering because it showed that someone cared enough about you to keep tabs on you. Now that the polish is off, it's not fun anymore.
What is at the "club" that you want? It is 2006, why can't you go where you want? Are you being threathened or abused? Then why are you still there? We teach people how to treat us. You are supposed to do housework. It's your house! and your children! Ultimately, you are responsible for their health and wellbeing regardless. Revaluate. If there is no committment, then there is no relationship. Start PLANNING your exit peacefully. Grow up and stop whining. You are not a victim.
2006-11-09 01:22:59 · answer #4 · answered by annettetyler77 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
How about u and yr fella sitting down together with a trusted friend/family member and working out fair play? Say one night out for you, one for him when you can have your mates around too AND one night out together doing something you BOTH enjoy (cinema, go carting, whatever floats your boats). You will always be going in and out of sinc on some things because of age gap, so its important to make sure you pay attention to the things you do enjoy doing together and trust each other enough to persue your own interests apart too. Also since he is the older dont forget he may be a bit sensitive to the possibility of you meeting someone younger and wanting to trade him in, even if doesnt admit it I bet it worries him a bit when you go out partying. Massage his ego a bit, being nice goes a long way to creating security in a relationship and getting what you want!! Good luck, lifes short, be happy
2006-11-09 03:16:25 · answer #5 · answered by sunshinerythym 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You have made your bed now lay in it!!
Sorry
Ok if you want to change your life, take the bull by the horns leave him with the kids and get out on a friday night with some of your old friends.
At 25 you should be out and about. But at 39 he is almost due a mid life crisis.
Why couldnt you find someone your own age.
2006-11-09 03:16:38 · answer #6 · answered by Fox Hunter 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Ask him when he became the master and you the lonely, child bearing house working slave of the relationship. Yes you should have your fun but as a mother of two do you need to go out clubbing? Personally as a male and as a husband I'd have problems with my wife going out clubbing too. Communicate with your partner what you need and perhaps suggest to him that you BOTH should go out together at least once a week. If he can't understand your needs then you need to find yourself someone who won't keep you locked up from your friends and the outside world.
2006-11-09 01:32:16 · answer #7 · answered by dirkthesmirk 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Girl, the only person who is being very selfish is yo man! He gets to go out wit his frends wheneva he wants to and gets back from work to relax! U can tell he's bein mo selfish when he isnt even allowin yo frends to visit! You gotta lay down the bottom line and tell him that u also want a night off from lookin afta the kids and go out, have fun and jus chill. If he dont undastand that then he aint bein a man and u can find someone better. He shud look after the kids while you go out too, you gotta tell him that he is the father of the kids and he also has duties! Gd luck girl x
2006-11-09 01:24:49 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
You're not being selfish - it sounds like he controls your life.
You need ME time and tell him that. Suggest the 2 of you go out together and get a babysitter. If he doesnt go for that idea then tell him nicely that you're going out one night, if he doesnt give you some quality time to relax and catch up with friends then he'll lose you or maybe deep down he's scared that if he agrees to you going out then he'll lose you anyway to a guy your own age who is doing what you should be doing - ENJOYING YOURSELF!!
Good Luck !
2006-11-09 01:47:59 · answer #9 · answered by Chick 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You're not being selfish at all honey. Sounds like you've got yourself a bit of an abusive pig! They alienate you from your firends and family in order to have 110% of your time and attention, if you go out and have any kind of social life then you won't be there for him.
Have you tried talking to him about any of this? If not, you should give it a go at least.
To be honest I used to be in this kind of relationship with a guy but in the end enough was enough, took me 3 years to realise it..!
You need to think about what's best for you and your kids in this scenario honey? Make a decision to either have a life or be a skivy to this guy...
Good luck babe.
2006-11-09 01:23:12 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
He has to understand that there has to be give and take, you will go mad if you don't get to let your hair down once in a while. I don't think you are being unreasonable at all- he needs to learn how to listen and compromise before you reach the end of your tether and fly off the rails!
If he doesn't start letting you have a little fun now and then one day you will be 45 and go off to greece to do a "shirley valentine" on him lol
S
x
2006-11-09 01:43:53 · answer #11 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋