I think my Girlfriend has been raped =/?

Question

I was talking with her earlier and I made a joke mentioning the word Rape. She got a bit funny and when I asked what was up she said "I don't want you using that word in a conversation near me again" I asked her about it and said "I know it's none of my business but are you Ok?" and she was like "It IS none of your business" normally I'd just leave it but if something has happened how do I proceed because lately we've been getting quite "intimate" and I don't want to make things worse if there's something underlying. Am I being stupid or am I right to be concerned?!?!?!? Please Help =/

Answer 1

it was me

Answer 2

Most guys wouldn't be that in tuned to a woman. I think if you REALLY feel that something has happened to her then you should suggest talking to a therapist. Just approach it gently. This is a very emotional subject and even if it didn't happen to her, it may have happened to someone close to her. Make sure to let her know you are only bringing this up because you care for her.
As far as the intamicy between the two of you...take it slowly. It is kinda hard to tell by this if something has happened to her or not. Some women who have been raped will be petrified of sexual contact and then others will seem like a nympho. If you love her then don't pressure her, but do let her know you are concerned about her and want to help her.

Answer 3

Be patient with her, she is telling you she doesnt want to talk about it for a reason.. Give her time and when the time is right she will open up to you. It may even be that it is something that has happened to someone else she knows or is close to.. Who knows? Carry on being the gentleman you are and enjoy your intimate moments, she wouldnt go ahead with being intimate if she felt she couldnt. Be a concerned lover who will stand by what she says and respect her x

Answer 4

Wow, what a truly caring man. It's a shame that you stand out so much just for being so decent and kind.

I think you should write her a short note and say in it that you notice she became quite upset when you mentioned the word, and that her reaction seemed very strong...and that leads you to believe she may have experienced an assault or maybe is close to someone who was assaulted, and that concerns you because you care for her and for her well-being.

Just say that you won't be pushy, you won't probe, you will try to be considerate of her feelings and what upsets her. Mention that you love time with her and the intimacy of the relationship, the physical side is fun (try to find a better word than that!) as well but you don't want to make things worse for her by being too forward.

It seems you are interested in a closer relationship with her so just be honest as gently as possible, she will learn to trust you.

What I wouldn't give for my daughter to eventually find a man so kind! Dispite the problems with your girlfriend, I sure hope she appreciates you.

Answer 5

You are quite right to be concerned and you're not being stupid whatsoever but the thing is you do not know all the details.If you are the caring boyfriend that you come across as in the question then you'll respect your girlfriends privacy and will wait for her to tell you the details.Do not try to force it out of her and don't plan a way of getting information out of her either as that could end up affecting your relationship.The more you are there for her and supportive of her then the more she will feel like she can open up about anything not just what you are concerned about right now.
Good luck.

Answer 6

Using the word rape around women who have either been raped, or had a friend or family mamber that was raped, can make using the word carelessly in general conversations upsetting and destabilizing. She has indicated she doesn't like you using it. I would suggest minding you P's and Q's anytime you are in a womans company, but especially in hers at this time. And before proceeding in ANY "intimacies" with her, I would look to have some honest and open converstions with her concerning this particular aspect. I say this not for you to go pry, but to have an honest and open relationship, one must be honest and open and be willing to expose oneself to things that aren't so pretty. Making yourself available to talk when she is ready, being trustworthy and caring and all that nice warm fuzzy stuff is great. But bottom line? You should know what the girls history with this is before BECOMING any more intimate, as you could be in for a bumpy ride and you should be aware of what you are signing up for, not only for your sake, but for hers too. If you are only in it for now and a playboy type, you could leave devastation in your wake that you didn't intend, and if you are a loving caring person, you could be the one she can turn to and trust. In any case, I would be frank with her, nothing is to be lost by asking hard questions, at appropiate times of course. And by asking her to please speak frankly on this subject to you and that you want to understand what she is feeling and why may open the door to being on the same page. It could be that she simply finds use of the word in common conversations inappropiate or there may be a deeper, more serious reason, which I think, if you are interested in this girl, should be addressed. I don't think its necessary for her to give you details of any deed done, but if you are in a relationship with her, it is your business to know where she stands on this subject since it is your emotions also being invested her. You should be aware of what you are signing up for. You seem like someone who cares and could be a genuine man in her life willing to step up to the plate. A counselor once told me that one of the things that is taken from a person in the act of rape, is the ability to feel safe and to trust others. And that when developing a new relationship, it is difficult for a victim of rape to let down those walls that were put up to protect the victim. She said that while it shouldn't be everyone's business about what happened, that a potential partner should be informed at the appropiate time so that they could participate in any recovery and assist with the victims ability to trust again and have the expectation of confidentiality and respect for their feelings. Leaving a partner in the dark, is not only not wise, but can lead to complications when behaviours are not fully understood. You are taking steps to make that bridge and I commend you for that. I wish you and your sweetheart luck and I hope that it all turns out for the best!

Answer 7

Your concern is justified but I wouldn't press the issue and just follow her wishes not to discuss it further unless she chooses to . I've read statistics that as many as 1 in 4 women are raped at some point in there lives , I don't know if thats true or an understatement , perhaps a few of the females here will enlighten me on this.

Answer 8

Whilst it sounds like she could have been - it may just as well have been a member of her family or a close friend.
If you two hav been dating quite a while then I think you should take her aside and ask tell her you'r concerned about the reaction she had and could she feel she could talk to you about why she reacted the way she did - if you two are a new couple - then Id respect her wishes and not mention it again. xx

Answer 9

You are right to be concrened for your girlfriend, you obviously care about her which is a good thing! You cannot force her to talk about whatever is upsetting her and it wouldn't be wise to try either. All you can do is be supportive and patient with her, don't force her into anything she doesn't want to do or isn't ready to do and don't make her feel bad if she holds back. If she's ever ready to talk about it she will come to you and you will just have to let her do it in her own time under no pressure and just listen (possibly with a box of hankys and chocolate!).

To sum it all up be patient, supportive and don't pressurise her. Good luck to you both, I hope she can get over whatever is haunting her.

Answer 10

I hope she is ok but i have never heard anyone make a joke out of rape it is just a no go zone.Rape is the worst crime next to murder hopefully your g/f wasn't put through the trauma but try asking her to get help if it happened.

Answer 11

Yes, you have a right to be concerned. Just let her tell you when she's ready if something did happen. Let her know you're there for her if she needs you. That's all you really can do. Just don't push the issue or try to have sex with her right now. She might have some "issues."