Families get between our relationship?

Question

i went to see my inlaws recently, and they have really upset me. everytime i try to speak to them they totally ignored me. didnt even look at me let alone talk. they got along with my husband great (suppose they will as he is family). when they asked question about me, whether i can cook , they wouldnt say it to me directly, they would ask my husband instead, even though am sitting right next to them. i was being so polite, putting a smile on face thru out the visit. i didnt get any support from my husband while i was with them. he could have said "well,, why dont you ask her the question" etc.when i told my husband everything, he kept sticking up for his family. he doesnt care the fact i was hurt. and always says, you either ignore what happened to take it personally. its easier said than done. especially when i never ever got treated like that.he know i dont like his family. he see's them every weekend for good few hours whic i dont mind. we always have argumets cuz of them.

also in eid(bit like chrismas) he left me all alone. he went to his familys house pretty much all day. we dont talk much, just say things that will end the conversation.
we only been married for a month.
i feel so lonely. i dont have any freinds and family near by as i moved town, same town as his family lives.
i tell him everything evertime such as how i feel etc etc. but he never ever says what he thinks and feels. everytime i ask him, well what do u think?feel? he just says nothing..we have been agruing past few days, and i too now not saying how i feel etc. giving a bit of his medicine.
what should i do? i love him lots

I havent seen them since the first visit. wish i didnt see them, least i wouldnt have had that bad image of them.

also, i wrote an email to a freind saying what happened on that visit, he went through my email and read some comments i made about his family which he didnt like.
he was angry and said who am i to slg his family.
the comments were that his family need to be trained on how to be nice to people.

Answer 1

Wow! You are in the same boat I was! Don't worry about it! My husbands Mother was the problem in our family from the first time he took me to meet her! She didn't even give me a chance to be introduced to her. I was upset at first and used to let it get to me! Then one day about 3 months into our dating relationship I realized I hadn't done anything wrong or to her to make her feel the way she does. She had no solid reason not to like me so guess what! I gave her a reason! I wrote her the most vicious letter I could and hit every sore spot I could think of to tell her as a woman, wife , mother and human being! I was honest in how she made me feel and was truthful in how much she had hurt my feelings. I made it very clear to her that I didn't need her approval or acceptance in my life to be a whole person and that in fact no longer wanted her to be a part of my life either! I let her know that I was apart of his life rather she liked it or not and I was going no where! I was here to stay! I let her know She is not allowed in our home or to be included in any of our plans! I reminded her that She made this choice and now I was going to make her live with it! I let my husband mail it after he read it! I told him my point of view and gave him a choice to either back me up or get out of my life and go be with his family! It is tough Love but I was not going to have my life distroyed trying to be with a Man I loved who was related to rude ignorant people! I made him make the choice! I was ready to walk away from him and us over it! Well he mailed it! That was 5 years ago and we are married going on 3 years & happier now then ever and his Mother still has to live with it because I refuse to have any involvement with her in any way now! It took this to make him see his mother for who she really was! He still visits them quite often but he always puts our plans first! It isn't easy to make this choice but it is your life and up to you what you want in your life! If he isn't going to back you up then he didn't take your vows serious and he doesn't deserve you! There are a lot of great guys in the world who are related to great people. The choice is all yours now, Good Luck!

Answer 2

You know and realize you cannot keep up this charade don't you? You know there will be a breaking point and it is coming don't you? I know that you love him but there are limits that only one person can take and believe me he is pushing each and every one of them...If the family don't respect you then that means he doesn't respect you either and that is plain and simple...also he doesn't care about the pain you are feeling about this...trust me there is diffinitely something wrong and it is not you. And anytime when your husband has no respect for you and he is not listening or sharing what you feel then the marriage is doomed and set up for failure..I know that you don't want to hear that and that is totally understandable..But you cannot jeopardize your emotional happiness over this...So what I am telling you is this if you are having these kind of problems do you really think that it is going to go away especially the issue of respect?

The advice I can give you is this and I know that you don't want to hear it but you might have to give up on the marriage and leave... I usually don't tell people this because I think every marriage deserves a chance but you have been married for only a month and you are having problems on this scale and your husband is not listening to you and his family don't respect you...I am telling you this either you go and get the happiness you deserve or you will suffer far greater things as it goes along...Once again I am sorry and will pray to God that things will be better for you.

If you need to chat or if you really need a friend call me at [e-mail] I am always in need of good talk...LOL!

Answer 3

I know where you're coming from. My husband and I have gotten into many arguments over his mother. She is basically the only family he has. But she gets into the middle of our marriage. Being nosey and controlling.
Try marriage counseling. That is the best way to get through problems like these. So he can see from another persons point of view that what is going on is hurting you. If he's willing to go-great. If not-you need to tell him-go, or I'm leaving. Because you can't go on like this forever.
He isn't caring enough to see that you're hurting when you argue or visit his family. But see if counseling helps. Otherwise, things will never change. I hope this helped.

Answer 4

In laws are beasts, most times. My husband gets a long great with my parents but no matter what I try I can not get a long with his. They are silly ridiculous people and I refuse to give them any power. Christmas was always a battle between our family, my family and his family. So I started some new rules. Thanksgiving day is our family day. We go to see our parents for dessert and spend no more than one hour at each house. Christmas day is our family day. Christmas eve I throw a party for all the family members. His parents and siblings, my parents and siblings, our neices and nephews and of course our children. I make several cassseroles and have lots of finger foods and goodies. But it takes the pressure off me of having to spend time alone with just his parents and them putting me on the spot.

Answer 5

His family won't get between you & your husband unless you let them. Having said that, your issue is with your husband, & not them. Sure his family is very rude. It takes a strong effort on their part to treat you as if you are invisible, & frankly, I wouldn't stand for it.
But your real problem is with your husband. He needs to adopt an attitude with everybody, but especially with his own family. That is, that if someone shows disrespect for his wife, then they are disrespecting him. They are demonstrating that they don't have any respect for his choice in a wife, & are trying to send a message that they don't trust his judgement.
He needs to make it clear to his family that the rude treatment of you will no longer be tolerated.
If I were you, I would make it clear to him that the two of you aren't going to attend any more family functions together unless he sets a clear boundary with his family. If they start their rude nonsense with you again, then the two of you immediately get up from your chairs & head for the door, plain & simple.
As President Bush said right after 9/11 on the subject of the War on Terrorism, "You are either with us, or you're with the Terrorists". So tell your husband, it's his choice, "You are either with me, or against me".
Good Luck!

Answer 6

oh honey...i do feel for you...it must be awful.....you cannot jump through hoops for these people but i do think it's dam ignorant to talk about yu especially while your sat there...thats pretty bad of them to do that....how ignorant...tell your hubbty that the next time he visits them, that you will stay at home if they make you feel bad...dont fight with him because of them darlin....just try to avoid them if you can.....when it comes to christmas and family...they say it's the time of goodwill and cheer....be there, but if anyone starts again, just leave quietly and go home, it's obvious that they dont care about your feelings....dont let it worry you ok...

Answer 7

Ignore them my friends family did this to me for 5 straight years ..I finally just dont go anymore...