when it was him tat went off with a younger girl
2006-11-08 23:40:57 · 12 answers · asked by mary l 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
well girls have more love for there dads known as Daddy's little girl. She will soon learn. Hang in there and Good luck
2006-11-08 23:49:47 · answer #1 · answered by chass_lee 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Perhaps she feels that you, as wife and mother, were so grossly unfair to dad about a variety of issues, that dad had no "choice" but to go off with the younger girl.
Things like this are always very complicated and there never is a way to understand why a person thinks as they do. Maybe dad presented a real good case so the daughter accepts it.
You have given few details, so this is just speculation on my part, but I never feel that an affair is ever justified.
2006-11-08 23:46:25 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 1⤋
It sure seems like there is more than just him ruining around with a young chick. Undoubtedly you and your daughter do not have a very good relationship.
Then again it may be just the opposite and she is very glad to see her dad out of the house. That way she can manipulate you easier.
It would be a good idea to talk to your daughter but not lecture her.
2006-11-09 00:04:30 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
I would suggest getting her and yourself counseling ASAP.
Who has been the main caregiver for most of her childhood? If it was your husband, chances are he has made little disparaging comments or used reverse psychology to 'convince' her that what he is doing is justified. You need to ask yourself why would she believe it, though. Be honest with yourself.
My ex left me for a 200lb. coworker who was 16 yrs. younger than he is (but she thought he walked on water and did anything he wanted her to do so that was probably the appeal). Our son hated my ex for leaving at first - he literally wanted to kill him. I had to put him in therapy for nearly a year. That helped immensely (for both my son and myself). Rest assured though that the relationship probably won't last longer than 2 - 3 yrs. My ex's didn't. Most relationships based on lies and deceipt, paired with a large age difference and your husband's midlife crisis (I presume he is 40 or older?) just aren't able to go the distance.
Seek counseling for yourself, if you haven't already. Don't jump into another relationship right away - give yourself time to heal and to get to know yourself as a single person again. Your daughter will respect you for this later. Spend time with your girlfriends and family, join a support group, take up a hobby that you've always wanted to but never thought you would be able to, and, most of all, be there for your daughter. Don't badmouth her father to her but don't make excuses for him either. If she still lives at home she is probably too young for gory details - leave those out. Although kids hate to hear 'You won't understand - you're too young' let your daughter know that she will one day know the truth when you feel she's old enough to handle it. I kept everything - the cell phone records, the video of my ex and his wh---, letters, receipts and credit card records showing where he was and what he was doing (along with notes on where he told me he was going to be), records showing his membership to a popular sleazy dating site (while I was going through chemo and cancer treatments), etc. I have all of these tucked away in a safe place so that if there is ever a question of it from my son I can show him all of it when he is older.
Your best route in all of this is going to be to be the better person. Be calm, firm, and understanding with your daughter. Let her know that you both still love her and you will be there to answer as many questions as you can when you feel she is ready. Whatever you do don't try to 'buy' or bribe her over to your side - that always backfires.
Remember - your best revenge is going to be moving on and living a full life. You will get through this - it will be tough in the beginning but it does get easier. My ex left 2 1/2 yrs. ago. I still have tough times but I have moved on.
2006-11-09 00:31:23 · answer #4 · answered by greyrider 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I hate to say this but, she may care for him more than she cares for you, or maybe she's too young to understand what kind of effect this could have on you, or maybe she just think that she should take someone's side and choose his, there are multiple reason, but don't let it bother you. Being a female, I'm on your side, so just see it through the end.
2006-11-08 23:46:15 · answer #5 · answered by jazzy_jazz16 1 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Your daughter should never have been made part of this issue...it is between you, him and the younger girl. Children (regardless of age) should never be involved in the issues of a parents marital problems, and should never be asked to choose one parent over another...totally unfair
2006-11-08 23:44:54 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 1⤋
How sad that your daughter has to pick sides when instead, she should be free to just be loved by both parents. This isn't about her, it's between you and your husband.
2006-11-08 23:47:41 · answer #7 · answered by meoorr 3 · 0⤊ 1⤋
I don't know how old your daughter is but my guess is, your husband is probably putting ideas into her head and using her against you to get her to take his side.
2006-11-08 23:43:46 · answer #8 · answered by Aurora 2 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Does she know the reason why he left?? Sounds like she knows more than what you think so does. Or, is she a Daddy's girl......and he can do no wrong.
2006-11-09 00:23:39 · answer #9 · answered by Lori 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Maybe your daughter has a greater affinity with her father than you. Ask her why she thinks it is ok.
2006-11-08 23:57:31 · answer #10 · answered by Triestobewise 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋