How can one cope with a suspicious husband?

Question

My husband consistently searches my handbag, phone log and even smelling my hankerchief. This has brought a lot of ugly confrontations as i detest this. How can i cope with this?

Answer 1

This is terribly WRONG behaviour on the part of your husband. It is a clear warning sign and you need to be vary careful.

Check out the link below, and the rest of the site, about domestic violence and the warning signs and the path of escalation.

Unless he has specific reason to suspect you are cheating on him, which I assume is not the case, then you need to be very very careful.

Counselling may help him and I suggest you propose that to him if you wish the marriage to continue.

Answer 2

If you have done nothing to warrant this behaviour I would say you have to give him a fright - tell him you will end your relationship if this behaviour does not stop and give him a time frame and stick to it. If however you have cheated in the past and he has found out I think you have to give him another chance - say you understand why he is behaving like this but that at the end of the day there is nothing his checking up can do other than make things bad between you - it won't stop you cheating again. I hope things work out and he learns how to calm down.

Answer 3

This sounds similar to what my husband was like. He was a lovely man, do anything for me and the kids, handed over his wages every week and was interested in everything I done. And that was the trouble I'm afraid. It gradually got to the point where I had to account for every minute of the day, where I'd been, who I talked to, who came into work, what was said by whom to who. The final turning point came when we went out for a drink from work. I only had a glass of coke and was leaving the pub when my husband was spotted coming down the street looking in all the pub windows. He spotted me, with my coat on so he knew I was leaving and walked past. I went home and when he came in, an hour after me, he took off! Accused me of all kinds of things so I decided that enough was enough. Two months later, the youngest daughter left home and I told my husband I was leaving too. He was devastated and couldn't understand why. To him, nothing was wrong, but he didn't understand how he was suffocating me and my confidence went right down. I had to watch everything I said or did because he would take it the wrong way. We've now been apart over 12 months and I'm a lot happier in myself, he isn't. It caused a lot of problems when I left, especially with the kids, who took their fathers side but slowly they've come round to accepting it. I go out with him now and again but always leave early and on my own. So my advice to you is get out now! It will only get worse, jeolousy cannot be cured. Keep friendly with him but on your terms. I was married for 25 years before I got the guts to leave and its hard to start over again. But I did it and I'm quite proud of myself. Good luck to you too

Answer 4

have you tried talking to him and asking him why he does it???
what doesnt he trust?
has he been hurt in the past??
has it just started or has he been doing it the whole time??
are you doing anything differently, e.g started a new job, socialising with friends more, going to pubs wen seeing friends rather than meet for a coffee?? try to analyze the situation, if nothings changed and he been doing it the whole time and he never has been hurt in past then i think if he dont change his ways you need to ask yourself is it something you can live with? Good Luck!!!!!

Answer 5

A relationship can only survive if built on respect and trust.

Your husband is neither showing you respect or trust.

You need to remember that those who are the most suspicious are often the ones with most to hide. Perhaps he is abusing your trust.

Unless you can resolve this matter, and he shows a willingness to improve his behaviour, I'm afraid your relationship sounds doomed.

Answer 6

If he's not listening when you confront him, your only options seems to be to leave him. I guess it depends on how much you love him?

Maybe you should leave notes for him such as "well what did you expect to find". If you do it a few times, he'll soon get the message.

Answer 7

He has to understand what an utter invasion of privacy this is. Two options I can think of:

a) Return the favour - start going through his wallet, coat pockets, etc, etc. Make sure he sees you do it!

b) Call in the professionals - see Relate or other marriage counsellor.

Answer 8

When did he start doing this? did you give him a reason to be so suspicious? If its started for no reason then maybe its time to leave before it doesn't stop at searching your things.

Answer 9

what the fu*k is wrong with this guy? looks like hes lost the plot!! ask him straight up what the fu*k his problem is?? if he still doesnt stop this bullsh*t of his, break a stone on his face!! he deserves this for hurting your feelings and not trusting you. without trust, it simply does not work out. screw this mother fu*ker. what if you were suspicious about him?? would he tollerate that fu*ked up sh*t?? maybe hes cheated on you and so he thinks you are fu*cked like him in the head. tell him you are not. and also tell him i f*cked his mama hard in the pus*y, it was borring but i still did it. just to piss the f*ck out of him.

Answer 10

Tell him there is absolutly no relationship without trust and that what he is doing is devastating to you because it shows he doesn't trust you.
Ask him why he doesn't trust you, and reassure him that he has no reason not to trusrt you as you are ony interested in him that's why you married him!! Tell him that you love him.

I used to be like your husband, I used to check eveything everyday belonging to my boyfriend and it ripped our relationship apart.
My answer is, you should not 'cope' with this, you have to talk with him absolutly seriously and tell him that it's NOT ON!
I wish you the very best of luck!!!!!