right....basically at the weekend myself and my husband hosted a halloween party....i was very drunk so much so that i didnt know what was going on when every one left it just left my hubbie his best mate and me...i sorta passed out but things happened with my hubbie and his mate...i have bruises on my arms and legs from his best mate my hubbie was drunk outta his mind too and we are still sketchy on what exactly happened...i have not spoken toi his mate since as he wasnt drinking much so i know he was aware what was happening but did it anyway...since my hubbie has been real weird with me...but i have tried to explain to him it wasnt my fault and i dont remember much....we have been together for years and have a very happy marriage ...
can we get over this i really dont want to lose him...any comments would be really appreciated...!!
2006-11-08 22:55:27 · 29 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
what i have said is that i only remember bits and so does my hubbie....i have bruises so i was obviously restrained my hubbie says he dont remember what happened...and i dont drink that much so thats y i got so plastered so quickly so noooooooooo im not an alchoholic i have children to look after so dont drink...my hubbie is sincerly sorry and has apologised about not protecting me cause he was drunk and i dont ever wish to speak to his mate again...what gets me is ...i have known his mate 10 years has he been waiting all this time to do this...i have had the morning after pill jus in case but have just started my period so know i am not pregnant...im just at a loss at what to do..xx
2006-11-08 23:08:38 · update #1
First off...you should never be so drunk that you're unaware of what is happening to you...secondly...you were raped. As soon as you saw bruises and realized what happened, you should have gone to the ER. See you gynecologist to make sure you have not contracted any STDs or gotten pregnant. Lose this guys friendship...he is no friend to have done this to you
2006-11-08 22:59:25 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 4⤊ 1⤋
Bad situations usually involve best friends and one or the other's significant other. First, it's always a bad idea to get overly drunk around your husband's friend. He's probably got the same taste in women as your husband, meaning he would like to be with you and the only thing holding him back is common sense (not present when everyone is drunk). Just because he might be able to remember better than you what was happening, doesn't mean he was in any better control. Your husband is probably suffering from a bruised ego at the moment. It hurts to feel betrayed by the one you love thinking he/she would be intimate with someone else. The only way you 3 are going to work out this kind of situation is to sit down and talk about it, have an agreement not to do it again, and make sure that the situation never presents the opportunity again. It's going to cause hurt feelings for everyone, but no worse than what's already happening. I have first hand experience in this kind of situation. It's never easy and puts everyone involved on a kind of probationary period since there is no trust left anymore. You're going to have to rebuild that trust. Best of luck, it ruined my friendship, but not my relationship. Maybe it will work out better for you than it did me.
2006-11-08 23:08:50 · answer #2 · answered by John * 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sounds like rape to me and this should be addressed ASAP. My question is why hasn't your husband already ripped his friend's head off? If your husband was so drunk that he doesn't remember but his friend wasn't drunk than obviously the friend deliberately abused you and he should be held accountable. I think your husband needs to step up to the plate and defend his wife even if it means loosing his best friend. I would not let this go until I found out the truth of what happened that night and make his buddy pay for what he did to you. Hope this also serves as a lesson not to ever drink that way again. For your sake and your children's sake, stay away from alcohol. Good luck!
2006-11-08 23:58:30 · answer #3 · answered by jazz_lover_25 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Either you or your hubby shouldnt' have been drunk in the first place. My husband NEVER gets drunk when I'm drunk, just to make sure I don't fall down any chairs or get in any trouble, and I'd do the same for him.
You said things happened with your hubbie and his best mate? Then your husband was fully aware. I think YOU should be the angry one for your husband letting his best friend take advantage of you while you're drunk.
And what kind of character IS his best mate to take advantage of his best friend and his best friend's wife while they're both plastered? What a ******* asshole.
Your husband should wake up to the real world and give YOU a ******* apology. You've been basically date-raped or whatever. I don't care who you're married to, it's not okay to take advantage of someone when they're drunk. I'd advise you never EVER speak to his mate again. What a HORRIBLE person.
On another note, your hubby SHOULD NOT be angry with you, he should be angry with his friend. What a jerk.
2006-11-08 23:01:41 · answer #4 · answered by kenniemcooper 3 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Demon Alcohol.
No one does anything drunk they haven't thought of sober.
Its just that the inhibitions are gone.
If you were so drunk you could not stop him then you were raped. Which is it?
In either case your husband needs to kick the crap out of his "mate".
Based on your follow up, you were raped. That your husband was not able to stop it is playing on his ego, protecting your honor and all that. This guy was no friend and deserves a bat across the shoulders tied down and a that bat shoved up his *** so he knows how it feels. Keep him away from your family permanently. Get some counseling and for your sake don't drink if only at social occasions.
Good Luck.
2006-11-08 23:09:19 · answer #5 · answered by Flagger 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Difficult one really. I have had a few threesomes and foursomes and they all ended in break up (sorry about that)
There are only a few people that can handle the inevitable jealousy etc that ensues.
The plus on this is that you were all drunk and if you can both accept that we all do stupid things when we are drunk, maybe it will be alright
You have to ask your husband why if he feels bad about it did he allow it to happen..if he give the response that he was to drunk to stop it, then he should be able to realise that you were in the same position
Bit worried about how the bruises occured as that implies you were forced and you should make this point to your husband
Good luck hope it all sorts itself out
from my perspective its a shame you didnt have your witts about you cos in my experience its always been quite nice, but each time it was with everyones consent, it doesnt sound like this was the case for you
2006-11-08 23:06:14 · answer #6 · answered by greydays 4 · 0⤊ 1⤋
I'm Puzzle..You said there "I have bruises on my arms and legs from his best mate"...but how do you know...You were drunk remember so how could you possible know...to me I don't think you husband's mate has anything to do of what happened..I mean did your husband did this to you?? He was drunk too, what if he did those bruises to you and something else and he didn't realise what he done..Would that be possible of him being weird with you?? What if your husband and best mate were in it together? There's alota questions on this subject and you have no way in solving this...I think you just gonna have to forget what had happened..A lesson for you,.You don't need to be drunk to enjoy yourself.. Take it easy next time...Take Care X
2006-11-09 00:47:58 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
if you don't know what happened how do you know anything particular major happened or that it was the best friend who caused the marks on you. I dont understand why you husband is taking the higher ground as far as i can see you have just as much right to be weird with him and hold him responsible as he really should have protected you from this friend while you were unable to protect yourself. I would sit them both down and demand that the evening be pieced together and find out what happened and tell your husband not to think about taking umbridge because you were all in this together
2006-11-08 23:06:14 · answer #8 · answered by honey 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Oh dear me that is awful! You shouldn't be afraid of getting drunk around people that you care about in the hope that they don't attack you so people who have made the comment about being too drunk it's a load of rubbish. I would suggest you, your husband and his frined sitting down and trying to establish what has happened. If you feel uncomfortable doing this then try and talk it through with your husband, chances are that he feels exactly the same just doesnt want to bring the subject up. I really think your relationship can survive this. xxxxxxx
2006-11-08 23:04:19 · answer #9 · answered by SARA H 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
It seems that you were involved in a threeway.
Your husband is probably acting weird because he has not resolved why it happened.
Booze loosens up inihibitions and people will do things they conciously want to do, but don't because they are restrained by shame or guilt.
Your relationship can be salvaged but don't expect it to be resolved by talking it out alone. Find a licensed counselor.
You 2 need to communicate your feelings on being part of the swingers crowd and your about each other.
2006-11-08 23:08:47 · answer #10 · answered by Trailcook 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sounds to me very much like you know exactly what went on-even if you weren't in a state of mind to stop it-and I suspect your husband does too.
You two need to have a very frank, straight talking conversation as soon as is humanly possible in order to bring this out into the open-and don't have a drink for dutch courage-do it sober.
Where you go from there is anyone's guess, but you're going nowhere if you don't.
2006-11-08 23:05:56 · answer #11 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋