He isn't on meds, as far as i know he is not cheating/./. But be only approaches me for sex about 1 time per month.. In the past we had sex maybe 3-4 times per week. In the last 2 years it has almost become almost non-existent. I am young and so is he-we are in our late 20's. We have discussed-he says when you are married for a while, this is what happens.. I dont quite believe him... Please dont refer to my looks. I am model-beautiful, and I am hit on every time i step out of the house ,so, it is not due to my looks or my body. (maybe he is a down-low gay.. i dont know.. what do your think.?) I am really thinking of divorcing him for this./what do you think?
2006-11-08 22:38:06 · 31 answers · asked by milkmansbaby 3 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
So you only married him for the sex ... how very shallow of you .... and I see you're very modest as well.
Maybe it's your attitude thats causing him to falter ... the more you pressure him the les frequent you're gonna get it .... so sure divorce him and go find youself another stud until you wear him out ....
Might do hubby good to be able to relax and not be pressured
2006-11-08 22:41:53 · answer #1 · answered by deadkelly_1 6 · 4⤊ 7⤋
This sounds like one serious problem. Before jumping right to divorce though, I would def. do some work to find out just what the issue is. With both of you being that young, his sex drive should absolutley be higher than once a month. If talking to him isn't working, I would tell him that you suggest getting some counseling, because this is a major problem for you. At your ages there is no reason that you shouldn't be enjoying each other a lot more than once a month. While granted the sex slows down after a time in marriage, once a month is just plain rediculous. As far as cheating, I don't really want to speculate on that one way or the other without really knowing more, and there is no reason to put that thought into your head. I think the best thing that you can do is just let him know how much this is bothering you, and tell him to what extremes you may be forced to take this is something isn't done about it.
2006-11-08 22:44:14 · answer #2 · answered by Mike B 1 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Even though i know the situation is tuff and you are very frustrated, i would suggest maybe that he go see a doctor, your husband has said that he has always been like this but maybe there is something wrong that the doctors can address!! I would also try to have another heart to heart with him and let him know how this is really affecting you and that you want him to agree to see a doctor! And please don't listen to what all those other people are saying about finding a sex buddy on the side ect ect, when you got married you made a promise "FOR BETTER OR FOR WORSE" so do your best to work through this!! Sex is not the most important part of a marriage, even though its important there are other things that truly out weigh this, please remember the reason why you married your partner and go from there!! And if you do have to, i do think its ok to invest in some sex toys so that you can get some self gratification if needed!! Good luck to you and i wish you well!!
2016-05-21 23:57:37 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
The DL possibility was the first thing I thought of too.
However, it is not the only possible explanantion. Some men just don't have a strong sex drive, unfortunately, and then there is also the question of stress. Do you have a mortgage? Is he trying to climb the corporate ladder? These things can kill a man's libido.
Do you have young children? Is he feeling all your attention goes to them?
You say he is not on medication, but that doesn't mean there is not a health issue.
Sit him down and talk to him along the lines of you don't believe this is normal and you really would like him to see a doctor.
Men AVOID seeing doctors about this sort of thing like the plague - some see it as if it is admitting they are not "up to it", rather than face the problem. Tell him it could well be a hidden health issue.
Do some research on the net for possible medical causes so you can show him there are possible medical causes.
In the end, only you can make the decision whether you love him enough to stay without sex.
Alternatively, you could ask him does he mind if you go elsewhere to satisfy your urges - that might give him a jolt into reality!
2006-11-08 22:40:29 · answer #4 · answered by Gillian 4 · 5⤊ 0⤋
Sex Once A Month
2016-10-16 07:13:47 · answer #5 · answered by graciela 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Once a relationship has 'settled' sex does drop off the radar a bit. My husband and I can go for months without and then be at it like rabits for a fortnight. I am lucky I supose that we have almost identical sex drives, but I can see how it would be frustrating for the partner with the higher sex drive, like yourself.
I have been in relationshipd before with someone who had a V high sex drive. He didn't complain as such, but made it clear that he needed his desires met and that I wasn't 'performing' enough for him. All this did was agrevate the situation and made me feel like a lump of meat, and I never enjoyed sex again with him. It all became a game of questions and promises which just made my sex drive plummet.
The worst thing you can do is make a big deal of things. It will only make the problem worse and he will start to dread that look you get in your eye when you want sex.
The best thing to do is get back to basics and try to relight those old desires. Sugest romantic evenings out, wear new lingerie, new perfume, suduce him all over again.
But you may have to accept that it is just his sex drive that is just lower than yours.
Or it could all be a temporary glitch which just needs some gentle persuasion as suggested above.
2006-11-08 22:51:35 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
I don't know why but this does seem fairly common when married for a awhile. I'm going through the same with my wife. For me one/two boring times a month don't cut it. As far as your situation goes. Look at his diet. Yes, diet. Foods like eggs are know to up the bodies Testosterone levels, which is helpful for his sex-drive. The older you get (as a man) the lower this level is. This is why 18-19 yr olds are so sex hungry. This also explains the 3-4 times a week you two 1st got married. And as far as divorce, talk to him about your happiness, or lack of it, this may help him take the serious matter into his own hands.
2006-11-08 23:45:28 · answer #7 · answered by Floss 3 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Going from 3-4 time a week to just once a month is extreme since you two are only in your 20's. If you were in your 40's that would be a little different, not much different but a little. Before you divorce him have him go see his doctor. If the doctor doesn't find anything physically wrong with him, then go to counseling. If it's not physical then it could be mental. If I was in you place I would be frustrated too. Something is going on with him and you need to find out.
2006-11-08 22:47:39 · answer #8 · answered by lady01love 4 · 4⤊ 0⤋
Sex in marriage is not only about the physical aspect. It involves the entiriety of your life as a married couple. Maybe you have problems or misunderstandings that need to be tackled outside the bedroom. Have an open, honest conversation discussing each others' needs. There is certainly much more to a marriage than just sex, and there are more things involved in sex than just physical appearance.
If all else fails, consult a counselor.
2006-11-08 22:43:29 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
You are pretty shallow to think you are beautiful and he should be all over you all of the time... You do not speak about the rest of the marriage... Do the 2 of you talk???? Is there some other issues you have not let us know??? Have you been having arguments??? Is it possible that you are a demanding person?? All of these things can stop either person from wanting sex... Sex is part of the intimacy of marriage and if the 2 of you are having issues- sex won't solve them...
You need some help if all of a sudden you think he is gay... get over yourself!
2006-11-08 23:52:05 · answer #10 · answered by P!ss Ant 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
WOW.. that is aweful young for a man not to have a sex drive ESPECIALLY if you are that attractive. Something is wrong with him. Is he having trouble at work, other family probs?.. need to find out what is depressing him, and FAST. Don't just up and devorce him just because of no sex, that is not reasonable. Need to help your partner RIGHT NOW !!!!.... Unless he has done something to make you not believe him, then you need to trust him and help him out !!!.... I noticed that you said that HE does not initate it, might want to start this course (unless it is against your religion) maybe by just sitting with him quietly and rubbing his belly and sitting or lying with him. Gently rub back of his neck and play with back of hair while gently touching him. Just give him a few days ..... try to do more off the wall things with him ... try to get involved a little with him in activities. But do not give up on your partner. If in a couple weeks you see no improvement, talk to him in seeing a doctor as you have noticed that something is wrong with him but you are not sure what it is and see if he will let you go with him to discuss with the doctor the problem. Personally, I believe that infidelity is the only reason for devorce. Everything else is workable including physical and emotional abuse cases, as scary as those become (I know, from the recieving end myself) and the same taking those kinds to doctors, they can get him a therapist and give him some really good drugs to help get him settled down till he can get control of things, and could be temporary maintainance, just if they are willing to get help. I am now 41 and sometimes I lose my drive when I am depressed. Thankfully I have an awesome partner who can recognize these things and helps me, and I do the same for her. Just be patient because he became #1 in your life for some reason, I hope not just because of great sex. I am sure this is just temporary.
2006-11-08 23:02:48 · answer #11 · answered by ludwigkicker 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋