Should I be worried?

Question

I've been with my boyfriend for just under a year and feel very much in love. I am 28 and he is 41 though he looks a good 5 years younger. The age gap has never been an issue with me and my friends and family all agree its not an issue either. I was speaking on the phone last night with my guy and he said that he was a little concerned about the age difference! I asked why and he said he was worried about what other people might say, why bring this up now, a year down the line?! I cant help but worry now, what should I do, I cant bear the thought of us going under

He doesnt have any children and has made it clear he doesnt want any either which Im happy with as I'm not the maternal type

I admit I was a little worried when we first met that I was too young for him, but he reassured me at the time that this was nonsence, you're all right I'm going to have a heart to heart with him tonight and find out why he's thinking like this now. Maybe he's thinking to the future and the fact that he'll retire a long time before I do, but thats not a reason to end a relationship as good as ours!

I can imagine he's worried that I may want children in the future, he asked me after we'd been together a month what I thought about kids and I said I wasnt interested. He still gets nervous and worried though if I coo over someones baby or go gooey eyed over baby clothes in stores, I have to reassure him that I think they are cute to look at but Im and never will be broody. I've told him a million times that I'm not the maternal type but he still gets worried, I'll have to get the truth out of him tonight, if other couples with 20+ year age gaps can make it work then we sure can, after all we've made plans for holidays next year and are spending xmas together, poor guy needs a lot of reassure I think

Answer 1

Im 28 and my boyfriend is 38 we have been together two years and the age difference doesnt bother him or me. Women mature faster than men so you two are probably at the right maturity level. He should be happy that he has a young beautiful woman in his life and thanking his lucky stars that he still looks good for his age. If you really love somone little stuff like that doesnt matter and who cares what other people think they are not the onesliving his life and paying his bills. Just talk to him and tell him how you feel, Good luck

Answer 2

Why is he raising this now? Have you reached a serious cross roads in your relationship like are you thinking of moving in together or have you recently realised how serious the relationship is becoming? Maybe he is thinking of the future as in children. Has he already got children from a previous relationship who may be pressurising him about you? Or does he think that he doesn't want any more children but you being younger may well want some of your own? Perhaps he's feeling his age and something recently has reminded him of the age gap like perhaps you like a completely different genre of music to him. I should imagine things like that might make you or him feel as if you have little in common.

It is important to find out why he is raising this issue now and then get to the root cause of it. It is not as insurmountable as you might think. You have both invested a year into this relationship and have made it work so far. I'm sure this is just a little blip on the horizon and will be easily resolved and you'll live happily ever after.

Answer 3

The age thing would probably have its biggest disadvantage if you were thinking about children. As that isn't the case age shouldn't even come into it. You're both of a mature enough age to make this work, and if other people have an issue with it, that's their problem. If its not a problem for either of you then you should have nothing to worry about. I would have a word with your man, ask him how he's feeling about the situation as he has expressed some concern. It shouldn't have to be a difficult conversation, tell him you just want to make sure you're both on the same page.
Good luck.

Answer 4

I would feel exactly as you do - the age gap you mention isn't so big and if it was really an issue, surely it would have come up before now. Perhaps someone at work has been giving him a hard time about it? I think you need to talk to him, tell him he's making you worry and make sure that this isn't a precursor to him backing out. I'm sure it isn't, he's probably just feeling a little insecure, but you need to find out for your own piece of mind.

Answer 5

Its a catch 22, #1 do you want a family is there a possibility of marriage? If might be difficult at 60 chasing around a teenager, then again men out age dont seem to have it together its difficult to say. Think about the future you want or is this a "for the moment" thing?

Answer 6

Worried?? Maybe, maybe not.
Maybe someone mention it to him and brought it up in conversation to get a feel on that issue. sort of like fishing, its an open end question, seeing if you heard or some one mention that to you. Let it go, its not worth it to go in farther than that. If he brings it up again, then yes, talk , ask the questions you need answer.

Answer 7

his either having second thought or his letting other people get the better of him. i think everyone will agree if he is worried whats stopped him in the year. I think his being stupid and you need to stand your ground and say its never been a problem for a year what the hells changed now.

Answer 8

maybe..
try to act on it right away..
maybe he needs reassurance from you.
tell him that you love him cause that's what really matters.
you said that the age gap is okay with your parents and friends. maybe he's having problems with his side. if this is the case, try to get closer with his family and friends.
if your families and friends all accept your relationship, then there's no problem. you should just ignore the comments of stupid people who don't really matter to you.
remember, it will not be they who will be with your guy, its you.

Answer 9

well hunnie;
me and mine have the same thing going on kind of i guess he's 29 i'm 19 he worries about our age difference ALL THE TIME and i just reasure him ALL THE TIME that everythings ganna be aight........ and we've been together for a little more than you and yours we've been dating for 6 years 9 months and i'm almost in my 5th trimester of pregnancy i'm due in April we're getting married in february... so tell him to chill, everything will work itself out aight?
still dreaming in idaho
stacy

Answer 10

Well.. it should be a good sign.
May be a year ago, he didn't think too much..
but now, may be the think for long term..

it is always better to think now than later