How do I get him to help?

Question

My fiance and i have been living together for 1 year and a half. everything is great, but i am fed up with his messiness. everyday is the same routine. he gets off work, and messes the place up. i can't stand the wet towels on the floor, his work clothes strewn everywhere, bags of chips and soda cans on the floors, the list goes on and on...trust me. i've tried talking to him, and he will help for a few days, but then it's back to the same old thing again. i feel like i am cleaning 24/7....it gets so frustrating to the point that it brings tears to my eyes at times because i hate my house being messy after i cleaned it all day. friends say men are just slobs, but is there any way to get him to start helping around the house>

Answer 1

Ok...I gather you hate messes...but this is what needs to be done....don't wash or clean anything that is his. If he can't put his clothes in the hamper....well, only wash the ones that are in there. At some point, after no clothes being clean...they will eventually make it there..for the mess on the floor....Pile it all in the center of the room and vaccuum around it...dust around it....just keep piling it up...finally he will realize that you mean bizness. Wash only your dishes or put them in dishwasher...leave his wherever he puts them.....etc....you gonna have to be tough and this will last for about 2 -3 weeks like this but he will see the light. I promise...had to do the same with my hubby....now....everything gets put away corectly.

Answer 2

Honey, I am 48 years old and I have never been able to "house train" any man. If he is a slob he will stay a slob. Now, I live in my own house. I'll visit who I want to see, at their house. ANYONE who has lived with me knows the rules coming in, you drop it, you pick it up, you open it, you close it, etc. If they can't follow the rules they can go live in their own house. OR they can pay a housekeeper. I'm serious, I am not the cleaning woman.

HOWEVER, there are some duties that I will negotiate. The list of household chores is endless. Is there a yard to maintain? Who does the laundry? The shopping? The cooking? The cleaning? The garbage? Plans the budget? Maintains the vehicles? Yada, yada.

I have been known to take strewn about clothing and wet towels and put them somewhere that will inconvenience them, such as their side of the bed. And I have learned to "ignore" the mess. You want your clothes clean, fine, then you put them in the hamper. And then you shut off the "guilt button" that we women have when it comes to cleaning. OR you learn to live with it.

Peace.

Answer 3

You've said you have talked to him, but have you explained to him how it makes you feel when he treats you like the maid? Think long and hard about respect before you marry him. He isn't showing you much respect now. Explain that to him.

It sounds as though he grew up in a household where his Mom did everything. Mine did too. I explained to my hubby that we are a team -- that his parents had very out-of-date attitudes about expectations around the household duties. I also told him that he already has a mother -- he should have stayed at home if he wanted a maid. He's gotten better.....

You both live in the home - you should both tend to the upkeep. Work together to divide ALL of the household duties. I tend to do more inside while my husband does more of the outside duties.

Men are NOT "just slobs". Unfortunately many people develop bad habits over the years -- it isn't easy living with another person and you'll have to work together to find out what works for you.

Good luck!

Answer 4

--Hire a housekeeper and send him the bill.

--Tell him the wedding is off and/or you're moving and follow through.

--If you possibly can, let his crap sit exactly where he left it for as many days as you can until he's knee deep in his own s***. (I agree with some of the other posters about disposing of his clothes, leaving his crap on his side of the sofa, the bed, the table....AND while you're at it, get yourself your own towel and keep, use it, launder it separately--hell if you've got a 2nd bath, use it and keep it for your own use ONLY and let him know it, keep a cupboard of your own set of dishes and wash ONLYyour own if he's never heard of Dawn or his wrist is too broken to load/unload the dishwasher....)

--Couples counseling that sticks.

Consider this: He does it bc he can, bc he continuously gets away with it, bc the consequences of his behavior haven't made themselves clear enough (your leaving) or painful enough (your disrespect for HIS disrespect and contempt) to make a lasting impression.

He's thoroughly selfish and this is never, ever, ever going to get better, only worse, especially while he's got you, the live-in maid and sometimes nagging mother. He's being totally inconsiderate of you and your feelings and the home you share. Besides, Is this the example you want to teach/show the kids? Won't that be a pretty picture.

When he's the one acting like a child instead of a considerate, lovign partner, then the medicine needs to be particularly tough and bitter. You CANNOT and MUST NOT blink or back down. And, you've got to do all you can to get this resolved now or don't walk down that aisle or you'll be chained for life--and you know yourself, you're already drowning.

Sorry for the bad news. Good luck.

Answer 5

I married at 18, JUST out of high school. I had never lived alone and my mother was a 'Housewife". I had never done a dish, washed clothes, run a vacuum, nothing. My new wife was not quite the housekeeper my mother was and I made a horrible comment one day about the sheets not being ironed. She made it perfectly clear that the housecleaning was to be a joint effort, that no effort like ironing the sheets would ever take place (unless I wanted to do it) and if I wanted to compare her to my mother then I could drag my *** back there. Well, that seemed to have done it. 27 years later I'm a bigger stickler for cleanliness than her. I do most of the laundry, almost all of the straightening up. She does the deep cleaning. With the limited info you gave, I would assume that you have asked for help but never really put it out there as to how important it is to you. Once you put it out there that continuing to trash the place after you cleaned is not acceptable and he can go back to his mother if that's how he wants to live. Trust me, you do not want to marry him until this is resolved.

Answer 6

Other then taking a cattle prod to him?

This is not just a "male" thing. You already talked to him. Let it go for a couple days, then he may say something about how messy it is. When you get off work both of you should be cleaning, not just one of you.

If you do not work and get to be at home all day, then this is your job and should be no complaining. Go get a job and tell him the chores will be split in half....

Good luck!

Answer 7

hire a cleaning crew on a twice weekly basis and stick him with the bill to prove a point, invite his friends or co-workers over and don't clean up, gather everything up and place it either outside the front door or on the inside blocking either entrance or exit to make him have to deal with it.. put everything on his side of the bed , withhold sex i mean be creative and find what will work! Good luck with Mr, Slob of Love! ;-)

Answer 8

Since talking did not help. I suggest that you used action.

Examples of what I would do.
His clothes are everywhere get a trashcan and throw them away. Wet towels everywhere he use no towels. He better used his hands and air dry. After a while he will get the point

Answer 9

if he wasn't trained to begin with....it's not gonna happen
since he's done this over and over and isn't sensitive to how you feel about this or how hard you work all day to make his home presentable, maybe it's time to just move on...at least you found out early and haven't invested a lot of time or your life on a lazy, insensitive bum...if you decide to have children, this attitude will rub off on them
Thank God mine was trained by the military or I'd have to kill him :oP

Answer 10

does he support you?? sound like you sit at home cleaning all day as you say. well learn to clean up after him as it is your job get used to it. and quit complaining unless you go out and get a job and do the same thing and see how he likes it and invite his friends over after he made a mess. if your getting free room and board for sitting at home all day to do what ever you want get a freaking life and learn to kiss *** as he does all day at work