I like to think I can have male friends. But my husband is not comfortable with that. I respect his wishes but I'm curious do you think that is healthy to exclude half the world as possible friends because of the gender difference? What do you think?
2006-11-08 18:03:22 · 21 answers · asked by Justin 3 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
It's not wrong to have friends of the opposite sex, but I would be careful on making sure it stays a friendship. My husband and I are very careful with our friendships...here are a few steps we take:
1. We involve each other with friendships of the opposite sex. It doesn't mean my husband has to be friends with one of my guy friends, but I do make it a point to talk about my husband (ALWAYS in a positive light) to them...and I tell my husband everything about the friendship. It keeps us accountable and leaves no room for temptation.
2. No alone time with the opposite sex. Even unintentionally, temptation can arise.
3. No exclusive outings with the opposite sex. While it might be innocent on your part, it appears in a very different light to those who are observing you. This tends to be the start of many false rumors.
Some would think these are strict boundaries for us. But we'd rather protect our marriage than have a potential to destroy it. No friendship is worth me risking my marriage over.
2006-11-08 18:07:50 · answer #1 · answered by Mary K 5 · 6⤊ 0⤋
Having male friends though you are married sometimes depends on the culture of the country where you were born or lived for a long time.
If you have been friends since about high school or even college and you live here in the Philippines (where I am) that will not be difficult. We are still somewhat conservative though slowly adopting some western idiosyncracies.
If you are in the west like the US or UK it is somewhat dangerous. That is a too harsh word, perhaps risky is more appropriate. That is because in such countries men and women easily get into sexual relationship as if it is just a matter of touching each other's hands.
That is the reason why your husband is wary of you having male friends. Nevertheless, there are rare cases in western countries where such situations do not apply. Very rare indeed.
Well perhaps if we became friends, you there in the USA and me in the Philippines, your husband will not be so concerned.
2006-11-08 18:19:25 · answer #2 · answered by seabug_46 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
My husband is the same way, and I guess I am a little that way too. I have male friends that I work with. I love the friendship we have there. They make me laugh and I can be 'a girl' rather than a wife or a mom. But I would not take that relationship beyond the work place. I know my husband has the same kinds of friendships with the females at his work. I have seen some of them light up like a Christmas tree when he is around, and I know they look up to him, but it would bother me if he was like going out to lunch steady with one or more of them.
Some people say that boundaries in a marriage are a sign of mistrust. But I don't see it that way. I see it as, when you have a beautiful garden, you nurture and protect it from invasion and harm. The walls are there to keep out the vermin, but there is also a gate that we control, and we let those in who are safe and welcome.
No relationship with any man on the planet would be worth hurting my husband over, in any form.
Just my opinion...hope it helps a little.
2006-11-08 18:30:35 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think your husband is a bit insecure...was he ever hurt by another guy who took a girlfriend away from him? My husband has no problem with me having male friends and I have no problem with him having female friends...sometimes you need to have friends of the opposite sex to gain insight from them...so long as you know whose bed you sleep in at night, then you really should not have any problems...maybe you need to talk to your husband and explain why you want to have male friends...
2006-11-08 18:27:22 · answer #4 · answered by ToadysFroggy 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Ask very honestly to yourself how comfortable would you feel if your husband had friends of the opposite sex. Most people (man or woman) would not feel very comfortable with this. As my wife put it once, "men and women can be friends, but you can't".
2006-11-08 18:11:47 · answer #5 · answered by John Dull est 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think that you can have friends of the opposite sex, but I think it would be totally inappropriate for you to hang out with one of these friends alone. It doesn't look right, even if nothing is going on. This is the arrangement that me and my husband have. And the moment one of our friends, seems to be wanting for than friendship it absolutly has to end.
2006-11-08 18:06:06 · answer #6 · answered by Jessica T 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Hey Melanie.. Its nice to really have friends of the opposite sex.. but then there are some limitations like your husband being uncomfortable.. I would definitely like to have one.. but the same limitation comes into picture.. But, in a way its good..
2006-11-08 18:13:41 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Your husband is wise. Can you not find worthy friends from the thousands of other females available to you?
Everyone knows Folsom has many nice women you can be friends with. Maybe you can make friends with a nice republican lady.
2006-11-09 05:02:01 · answer #8 · answered by onlineseeker 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sorry but I have to agree with him on this. I have a lot of male aquaintances but not close friends as my husband doesn't like the idea either.
2006-11-08 18:33:20 · answer #9 · answered by Aurora 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I have a friend that is married. just 3days agoshe told me that her in-law once told her that he caught us kissing and I asked her what was her how did her husband take it she laughed and said that her husband told her that he knows what she can do and beside that whenever her husband (he is a sea man) wants to send money to her wife he usual calls me to give her the money and later credit my account whenever he is on land.
I don't think anything is wrong with that
2006-11-08 18:19:15 · answer #10 · answered by jus wanna know 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋