Christmas obligation?

Question

I moved to Indiana last year when I got married. For every major holiday we go to visit my parents in Wisconsin and/or my in-laws, who live in Tennessee. This year, Christmas is being held at my sister's house. We don't get along for millions of reasons. Literally. Every year she picks a fight with me about whatever shallow, judgmental thing happens to pop into her head, and I end up leaving mad (to avoid losing my temper). This year, my husband and I are tossing around the idea of doing Christmas at home, and going by my parents for New Year's Eve and Day, instead. This is going to upset my mother, who expects to see my kids on Christmas, and who buys them TONS of presents to make up for seeing them only once a month. Am I obligated to make an appearance for mom's sake? How can I break the news to her, that we're not coming? I don't want to spend nine hours driving with 4 kids and a dog in the car, just to listen to my sis's usual B.S. Help!

My in-laws are not an option, since they'll be in Alabama with my husband's sister. Her baby's due on Christmas Eve. And yes, my mother knows this, so I can't use them as an excuse.

Answer 1

Of course you would like to spend Christmas at home with your immediate family, but Christmas is a time of year when ALL the family get together, remember your mom will not be here one day and to her Christmas is seeing her grandchildren. Being a mother myself with 3 children I will be alone as my 2 sons have to work, my daughter has decided to cut me out of her life so I will not see my grandchild for the first christmas . I miss and love them lots, and would give anything to see or hear from my daughter,(her partner started an argument last Christmas)and she has not spoken since. so Please consider your options very carefully.

Answer 2

I think that if you don't do something with your heart, then you shouldn't do it at all. Why not taste the warmth and peacefullness of your own home this year? Kids don't care if they get gifts on the 25th or on the 30th. They just care to get them! Tell your mother you want to experience ONE Christmas with your husband and kids because you've never done it before and as a family you have every right to do what the members of YOUR family desire. Tell the kids they'll be doing fun things with mom and dad (and do it!) and then reach the rest of the gang for New Year's Eve. It's YOUR Christmas, your life, your desires. Nobody will remember you didn't show up by January 6th.

Answer 3

Tell your mother that you and your husband have decided to start a new tradition of spending Christmas at home. Of course, if you do this, then you won't be going to your in-laws for Christmas any year either. So be sure it's something you really want to do! Tell her you will come for New Year's instead. Your mom may get upset, but she'll get over it.

One year, my daughter and her family went to spend Christmas with his parents out of state. At first, I was crushed! We had always spent Christmas together! But I soon calmed down, and realized we could celebrate any day. We had our Christmas the next weekend, and it was just fine.

It isn't as if your mom would have to spend it alone! So just tell her as nicely as you can, and don't feel guilty about it. Your kids will probably love it! They will get to have two days to open presents!

Answer 4

Well, in my family my sister and mom do not get along very well(their personalies collide). My sister and her family still come down every Christmas and Thankgiving no matter what. They actually get along for this is the time for family to gather together and exchange gifts and eat great food.

If you and your family do not want to go, tell your parents the truth, it is always better to tell the truth than a lie that can blow up in your face later. Call her up or next time you see your mom let her know how you feell and that you think it would be in best interest of everyone in your family to exchange gifts New years.

Or you could call your sister up and tell her how you feel and see if she will play nice with no probems for the special holiday.

Answer 5

Ahhhh family. I have found that in life the best way to say things and not get an argument is to NOT OFFER REASONS OR EXCUSES. Just say we won't be coming, we will see you New Year's. No reasons for them to counter and argue with. Give them NO fodder to work with. If they ask why, and they will, just say my husband and I decided to stay home. No one can argue with that!!!!

Answer 6

Sounds like you are in a bit of a pickle eh. Start a new tradition I say. You have your own family, why can't you celebrate it in your own home? Who says you are obligated to go anywhere?