Asking a question about my parents?

Question

Im 16 years old in my sophmore year of highschool. Im an all honors student and currently getting a GPA of 3.4. My parents (dad especially) think that im never going to amount to anything and that i will never go to a decent college. He makes it seem like im failing in everything. He starts arguements about the same things that we have gone over many many times before on a weekly basis. Also, im one of the fastest swimmers in my school and a potential candidate for captain this year. Today i didnt have a good swim meet and all my dad did was put me down about it and connected it with my "horrible" academic accoplishments. Dont get me wrong, I have a great relationship with my father but im getting sick of him putting me down all the time. He always compares me to the best students or athletes in my school and gets angry when i tell him im towards the top of my class. He put me down so much today that im feeling quite depressed. He never encourages me when i do something well. wat to do

Answer 1

My mom was the same way! My GPA was 3.5 in high school, and I did very well in sports too. If I got a B, it wasn't good enough for her... and if it were an A-, it was the same. Yes, it is depressing. I feel no matter what you say to your dad, he (like my mom), will always have something else to say to put you down. I went to college- some classes I didn't do so well in, others I did great. I was depressed as well because every single time I talked to my mom, all she had to say was how I need to get done, and get out... and how my grades were unacceptable, and that I needed to get better jobs while in college to pay for everything. Seriously, it was all about grades and money, and after my grandmother died, I failed a class. That didn't help-and neither did her hassling me.

What you need to do- is do everything for yourself. If you are content with how you are doing in school and with your swim team, that's awesome! Let your Dad know that you aren't perfect, but do a great job at those things. Tell him you love him very much, but you aren't going to get any better by being put down. I did my best trying to stick up for myself, but my mom wouldn't stop, and it seriously brought my grades down- I'd be crying and felt at the lowest point in my life. But only you can bring it back up- and it will come back up. My mom is still like this to this day- where she has control over everything... so I'm doing my best to do everything on my own- I had to quit college to help pay for my car and living expenses- so I went to work full time. I actually just had a baby 13 months ago... but plan to get back to school to finish very soon. So I went very downhill after my mom stopped helping me out with college, but have been doing everything I can to bring myself back up, and soon I will be done with college- I don't have much left! And once I pay my mom off with my car payments, I will be free from her hassling... so I thought...

She just recently (for my son's 1st b-day) made a big fuss about the party...and how SHE wanted it to be... but it wasn't about her, and isn't about her anymore... it's my turn to be the mother to my son... and this time around, as much as I do love her, I won't be like her in most ways- especially when it comes to money and grades... yes I want my son to be successful... but there are limits. Don't go and turn wild and do things you shouldn't- but turn your life around for the good... and keep it that way... do it all for yourself most importantly. Your dad may be just like my mom, and always be that way- we can't change them, but yes, we do love them. But when it comes time when you have your own children, love them and cherish them. Don't expect them to be 100%...they can strive for that, but don't expect it like your Dad does.

Try to talk with him... I know it may not help any, but you can at least try and see if it helps some. If not, I'm sorry- I get emotional when it comes time to my mom and sometimes depressed to- all I want is to be a great friend with my mom...one I can come to and talk to and not be judged. My husband says she will never change, so when she does something (as she did for my son's b-day party), don't let it get to you - you can't. You have more to live for.

"Live, Love, Laugh" and you will be happy! Cheer up!

P.S... not sure how your Mom is... but my Dad- I love him to death, but never understand why he sticks up for my mom in some cases...

Answer 2

My brother actually had this problem... and I sort of did with my dad too. He always seemed like I wouldnt be able to do anything. I still have a problem with it and Im 24 years old. Thats just how my dad was and I just took it... even though it hurt very bad. I did my best to show him that I can amount to something and that was the best feeling of all. Seriously, to just prove to him that you can be good! I know its hard, but you have to be strong. My dad was the type of person even if you explained what he was doing he could never see it. It was like denial or something. So I couldnt really do anything as far as talking to him. I am not sure if you can or not. I really dont know what to tell you... I just thought my experience might help you out a little.

Answer 3

George, it sounds like your father has some personal issues about his own failures that he's projecting onto you. Our parents want us to do well, and often want us to achieve more than they ever did, but at the risk of damaging an otherwise great relationship, your father is going over the top. What'sMom say about it? Does she not see what he's doing? She can be your best ally, and may be able to communicate to him effectively what he may not be hearing when you tell him. Maybe your not telling him how you feel? Here's a piece of advice: you're at a point in your life when you need to stand up and act a bit more like the man you are going to be, and with respect tell your Dad how you feel when he brings you down. He'll respect you for it, and will look differently at the decisions you make.

Answer 4

It is very traditional, and usually depends on if the girl's family is traditional or not. It also depends heavily on the girl's age. For example, if she is over 30 and definitely her own person already, it would be beyond strange for you to ask her parents. However, if she is only 19 or 20 and still financially dependent on her parents, then it would be good taste to ask her parents- if they are up for that kind of thing. I had a friend who was young when she got engaged, also close to her parents emotionally, but she was already fiercely independent that it would have been an insult for her fiance to ask her parents first. Your best bet is probably to look at all these options, then ask her friends for their opinion if you are still puzzled. Good luck!

Answer 5

Life is very hard at your age. Teens don't think parents understand and parents think teens are not making all they can of what life has to offer. It sounds to me like you are doing a great job in school and I admire your drive and dedication to your schools swim team. Sounds like your Dad just wants you to be the best at everything you do, which is like most parents want of their children. He may not realize that you are feeling inadequate due to his comments. Is your Mom in the picture. Perhaps you can talk with her and have her speak to your Dad and then all of you sit down and talk about it. I agree, you have to have really awesome grades to get into some of the really tough colleges and we tell out daughter the same things, but if she had your GPA, we would be cheering in the streets. Please don't feel so depressed, your Dad wants the best for you because he loves you and maybe he wants you to have more than he had and that's why he pressures you to excel. Just keep doing the best you can, keep the lines of communication open between you and your parents and remember that only one perfert person ever walked this earth and he too was crucified. Tough times make us grow. Hang in there. This too shall pass.

Answer 6

It's probably very discouraging to try your hardest and never feel like it's good enough. I had a similar relationship with my father. I felt very unsatisfactory for many years, but now I understand that parents are not perfect and he thought he was encouraging me by pointing out goals for me to reach for. His method didn't work very well, although I have had a very successful life and feel great about myself now. You won't gain confidence by constantly comparing yourself to others. Know that you are doing your best and only compete with yourself. Take pride in your accomplishments and enjoy your life. It's not a race to be the best. If you become mired in always trying to be better than someone else you will never feel good enough, because there is always someone smarter, faster, and more successful. You also can't measure your value by someone else's opinion. Love your dad, forgive him, and pat yourself on the back when you've done something you're proud of. Great job on the grades and swimming!

Answer 7

Look, u're 16. Parents are naggy. They ought to be. I've gone through this stage myself. My mom is a real ****** when I did badly for my studies. I'm the world most stupid kid.
Tell u what. U could either listen to him or ignore him. Just like him nag! Somehow, when I grew older, the nagging stops. if u think u're not as bad as what ur dad says, just prove to him in a few years time.
Trust me, the nagging will be less and less when time goes by. Just dont do anything stupid. Do sth that will cheer u up, like listening to music, playing computer games... anything that makes ur day! (and if u can't take it somehow, just go out party with ur friends for a day)

Answer 8

look, i'm bein serious when I say that I'm a shoulder that if you don't cry on, you can rest your worries upon me.

So your father is completely oblivious to the fact that you're a wiz kid-- tell your counselor, tell your teachers. Tell them that this is getting you down and have them talk to him and tell him what a good student you are.

You seem like a good guy, and your dad desn't seem to want you to mess up and feels like you need someone to tell you to get your head in the game.
Tell your coach (if its not your dad, I'm assuming) that his behavior is seriously effecting your self-esteem and how well you do in swimming.Ask him to give you dad some advice on encouraging you, like saying "You're doing good in this class, I see, but I'm worried about this quiz score" or he must not say "shouldn't" "can't" or "won't".

Best of luck to ya hon.
Again, I'm here for ya; I've been there :-)

Answer 9

Heres what you do! You compare your acheivments to his, take a look at his life and if hes the failure put him down, observe or study the relationship between him and his father. I can be of more help, my dads the complete opposite. He taught me that great athletic acheivement comes from hard work and success doesnt come over night. Mention Michael Jordan #23 to him, he didnt start off so good but hes one of the greatest basketball players who ever lived, why, he always strived for greatness, he always wanted to be the best and he was.

Answer 10

You can try talking to your dad and hopefully that works but I know sometimes parents just don't want to listen. Just try talking to him and saying that you don't like it when he puts you down and you don't understand why he does it. If he doesn't want to listen well you don't have to listen to him. Block out his negativety, you don't need that, your a smart kid and you apply yourself in school and you seem to be doing great. You'll graduate in a couple years and then you can just prove your dad wrong. You'll go to a good college and show your dad that you can be and are sucessful. Good luck and keep up the good work!

Answer 11

This rings a bell, I think its the reverse psychology trying to make you work harder. Parents remember them days......if I would have taken fifty more classes I would be better off then I am right now. Find your sense of humor and blow them off......Do your best and thank them for the encouragement. Soon as you get out of school and join the ranks of taxpayers the twelve years of school are nothing compared to the fifty years your will be working.