He does not want me to get a job at all, will not be supportive of me going back to school or help pay for it, makes me feel like a witch for wanting a job or going to school...accuses me of abandoning our child as well.
Im 26 and he is 32...this is not the life I envisioned myself living, he doesnt even seem to think anything is wrong.
He works and does everything he did before we had a child, and before we had a child he knew I wanted to go back to school...now he is just a jerk about it.
I am unhappy as hell, I feel controlled and bullied. I dont know what to do.
I dont even have any feelings for him anymore because he has been physically violent to me in the past, I never called the police becuase he said he would change...
I am always inside the house with our child which is ok, but I can never get a break that doesnt involve leaving the house.
I rarely see my friends anymore and when I do he says Im screwing them (there guys) and Iam NOT.
What should I do???
2006-11-08 16:45:03 · 21 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
This is plain and simple...
LEAVE!!!!
No one should EVER make you feel this way. Your only 26 - still very young, you have your entire life ahead of you, and it shouldn't be lived like this.
1) You have a child - who does not need to see/hear this
2) Your young
3) He will NEVER change
4) You deserve to go to school - you deserve to be the best you can be! - especially for your child!
5) He doesn't love you - if he did, he would support you in EVERYTHING you wanted to do- he obviously doesn't!
2006-11-08 16:51:56 · answer #1 · answered by Funkified08 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
This is what I would do. I'm pretty treacherous when it comes to stuff like this, but here's a plan that probably won't backfire, provided that you don't lose your nerve.
When my ex and I split up, there was a baby involved. He's not longer in the picture, and my husband adopted my son. The steps I had to take to leave and be able to sleep at night were not the safest, but they worked.
My ex was an abusive bastard. I was too scared to file a police report until I got fed up with him. At that point, I provoked him to the point where he pushed me down, and I called the cops. I filed a police report, and when we split up, he tried to take the baby.
Well, guess what was on his record...?
I know that your man has a lot of money, and I know that can make it more difficult, but no judge in their right mind is going to place a child with a parent that has a documented history of violence.
Pretend that you're happy until the time comes to file the police report. After that, he'll shape up for a while. When he does, and he thinks that everything is okay, wait until he's out of town, and take off.
He's not safe, baby. Really. You need to get yourself and your baby away from him.
2006-11-11 16:03:21 · answer #2 · answered by <3 The Pest <3 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
im sorry but you need to leave him if your feling stressed and depressed your child is going to feel this. sounds like he is very jealous and needs to control you i was in a similar situation i was pregnant and left cause i knew i couldnt raise a child in that environment it is hard raising a childby yourself but it would be a lot better and as the child gets older they will understnd just tell them the truth from the beginning. you need to be able to do things for yourself with out geting accused of doing anything behind his back.
if he is being physically violent towards you imagine what he could do to your child if he gets a chance.
i am studying and have been since my daughter was 6months old only 3days a week but i needed to do that for me and never felt i was abandoning my child. i think its really good that you want to get out of the house and get a job or study.
if you dont have any feelings for him then whats the point in being in a relationship with him dont stay cause of the child
i think you should definetly leave i beleive you can do it on your own and will be a lot happier
2006-11-09 01:16:04 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
the easy answer is leave him ,I am a stay at home mother too ,I don't hate it but my first husband wanted it and then used it as a way of controlling me ,he also later implied I was nothing because I didn't work ,it is so unfair ,they want you to be this and then use it to put you down .I did leave but then married again and had more kids ,I don't regret that but it was kind of making the same mistake twice.This husband is nicer but I still feel inferior for not working .If you don't want to leave him then just do what you want ,enrol in school don't ask him for help organise day care for your child and just do it .If he doesn't like it well tough ,after a while you will feel stronger and may leave him any way ,if he doesn't except your choices.
2006-11-09 00:55:40 · answer #4 · answered by stephanie n 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
What are u thinking of... just Leave and take ur child.. but before u escape.. i think it would be better that u had reported on him. and the best time to tell the police was when he was violent to u and u have a chance so go for that oppurtunity. i hope u and ur child are safe and have a wonderful life and many happy returns.. Ameen
2006-11-09 01:08:06 · answer #5 · answered by ? 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Kick his u know what to the curb!
Sounds like you need to get through to him.
You're not going anywhere girlfriend, & chances are niether is your life. Either communicate this, or get out. You gave him way too many chances, & you are way too nice to him that's why he takes advantage of you.
If you think he might not take it calmly, when you express your feelings to him(so he can start supporting you emotionally); just leave.
He may be the sweetest man you have ever met, but If he really doesn't change; & you don't get control of the situation; who knows what will happen to you. Better get out while you can; it might be a matter of life, & death for you, & your child.
You can't afford to be the loser in this situation.
:(
2006-11-09 00:59:47 · answer #6 · answered by Trinity 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If you're both open to the idea of counseling, it's worth a shot....
Otherwise, the big D may be in order. I'm sure you were so in love with him. And now that reality has smacked you across the side of the head, you'd like MORE in your life. However, men friends arent the answer. How would you feel if he had women friends???
2006-11-09 01:02:13 · answer #7 · answered by iyamacog 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
...And that's exactly why I got divorced almost 8 years ago, my ex was the same controlling ,demanding and physically abusive to me, and I wanted the exact things you mention, I was unhappy and felt like there was something missing in my life that I needed to fulfill my dreams and goals in life, he didn't care and didn't support me...without mentioning the physical abuse....
Honey, pack your things and move out, he will never change, and you'll end up unhappy the rest of your life, life is too short and if you have dreams and goals you need to do whatever is necessary to fulfill. Good Luck!
2006-11-09 01:00:41 · answer #8 · answered by fun 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
He thinks he has "handcuffed" you to the home with the child.
He is taking away your hopes and dreams and imprison you in a life you do not want.
It is time to make a life plan that does not include the man.
Please find a way to leave before the violence returns.
2006-11-09 01:15:54 · answer #9 · answered by Mark 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
i put up with that kind of life for years ,i was a prisoner . give him an ultimatum .either you are going to do the things in life which you are entitled to do and have a happy marriage or you are leaving him .he is jealous and it will get worse ,not better.before you do this , decide if thats what you want to do and if it is then get all your personal things out of the house including your marriage certificate , photos', personal papers etc then tell him you are leaving . you are entitled to better your education and /or work if you want to . he just is jealous of you bettering yourself or finding someone better
2006-11-09 00:55:04 · answer #10 · answered by clrdanlob 3 · 2⤊ 0⤋