He has not spoken to me for 3 days I have told him that I am sorry and have tried to make it up to him but he told me that does not want to talk to me on other occassions when we have had a fight he says really hurtful things & when we make up he never says sorry I always keep aplogising to him, he makes me feel so bad about myself, like I am so horrible should I try and keep making up with him, does anyone have any suggestions ???
2006-11-08 16:27:10 · 10 answers · asked by Maria W 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
U already apologized. He can take it or leave it. More importantly, is it so hard for u two to discuss your issues like two adults? Fighting over something minor is just not worth it. Learn to let the small stuff go.
2006-11-08 16:34:12 · answer #1 · answered by cheetah7 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
This man is slowly but surely putting you under his total control. You will start second guessing yourself and will walk on egg shells whenever he is around. When you are at home alone and the time is approching that he will be arriving home you will become agitated and nervous, checking that everything is the way HE wants it. You are loosing your voice......your spirit....yourself. You are becoming him and everything he wants you to to be, but he will never be satisfied. You will only hear his voice in your head. Try on a new outfit and you won't hear I look so sexy in this.....Husband is gonna think I am sexy in this. Instead you'll hear in your head I hope this will be ok with husband.
You need to regain your confidence in yourself. The first person you need to love is YOURSELF. I realize you are married and when one marries you should think of your partner before one's self, but if that isn't balanced between you both, your marriage won't work. You are not his employee, his slave or his mistress, you are a woman, a lover, a confidant, and a wife. Not "his" property. You are an independent being with courage, strength and purpose.
His not speaking to you in 3 days is childish....remember this behavior when you were a little girl. Do not cowdown, do not snivel, stand your ground. Talk to him like an adult and when he doesn't answer forget it. Let the child be a child, but don't treat him like one. He says hurtful thing to throw you off balance knowing they will hurt you and make you weaker. Then he has the upper hand. If you really, and I mean YOU (not him) really think you have done something you need to apoligize for( over drawn the checking acct by accident) do so with sincerity ONCE, that is all you need to do it. He wants it left up to him when the fight is over. You are letting him do this by constantly apologizing. He deciding when to accept is therby saying OK you have graveled enough, I guess I will accept your small apology. And remember not all that goes wrong in life requires an apology. Dinner's late, oh well it happens. He's waiting for you to get out of the shower in the morning so you can fix breakfast....he can start breakfast. See what I mean.
Please also be aware that a man that tries to gain control over a woman by emotional blackmail, which is what he is doing, could also prove to be violent. Not always....but just be aware.
If you don't have credit or a bank account in your own name get it and always keep it in good shape. You do not need anyone's permission for this. You should start protecting your future in case it will be without this man. Even if it is with him ultimatly your life will always be in your hands....you give your heart away, not your life.
2006-11-09 01:29:02 · answer #2 · answered by koko 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think you need some self assurance. Play some light music, instrumental only. Lay down in bed and relax clearing your mind of all thoughts; this is hard to do, but try.
Then say to your self positive thoughts. like: I am a wonderful person. I am loving and caring. I am an individual. I have my own thoughts. ( Find your own words.)
What you have to do is get away from his domination.
Dress in bright beautiful clothes and go about your day as if he does not exist. Let him see that you don't need his okay;
make your own decision.
I am a man and had a wife like your husband. I actually went to a stress program to help myself. The ideas I have given you comes from the program.
There are relaxation tapes you can buy.
Hope this helps.
Be self assured. You can do this without cheating.
2006-11-09 00:45:09 · answer #3 · answered by va3jrj 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Enjoy the peace and quiet. If you're married to someone who's mean to you, why would you WANT them talking to you? Consider a mini-vacation and enjoy it!!
You need to stop apologising. If you do something really wrong, then apologise once. After that, let it go. However, if he's in the wrong, and never apologises, then you need to stop. He's turned this into a power issue, and the minute you apologise he feels strong and vindicated, and in control.
This is a man with incredibly low self esteem and the only way he feels like "a man" is when he makes you feel bad. Stop playing into it.
2006-11-09 05:09:14 · answer #4 · answered by Kaia 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If you feel in your heart that you have apologized and hopefully only because you felt you were wrong in the argument then you have done all you can do. To beat yourself up over it will only cause you to build up anger over his not wanting to accept your apology and in turn could start another string of fights. Its ashame when either spouce goes to apologize and it is not accepted by the other. Believe me I know after 26 years of marriage… there will be fights over big things and little things… it’s a part of life, a part of growing it happens to all of us. Hopefully in time this issue will pass, and when it does hopefully it is something you can both figure out how to talk through it and then put it behind you and leave it there.
Best of luck to you ;)
2006-11-09 00:41:17 · answer #5 · answered by Karen 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
tell him hes a bastard
I have reviewed my answer and i dont think that it will help in this situation.
What you need to do is take 7 items of his favourite personal belongings and each day he doesnt talk to you cook 1 personal belonging in pasta sause and serve it on a plate of pasta. and explain that you will keep doing this untill the problems are resolved!
Yes this seems drastic but you need to beat him down into submission just like he is doing to you!
Good luck. And if you dont want to cook, burn it down. while playing the song "Burn Baby Burn'. It may not rectify the problem but it sure will be very theraputic- Dont you think?
Good luck Maria W.
Oh and wear safety gear. you dont want to hurt yourself-just him.
P.s Burn baby burn!!!!!!!
2006-11-10 03:38:23 · answer #6 · answered by fifi c 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sounds to me that he has a "small " mans ego. And he has you there to stroke it and it makes him believe that he is larger than life. If he wants to carry on this attitude, let him do it on his own. Let it go and he will come around. Or if not, you need to move on girlie.
2006-11-09 00:47:52 · answer #7 · answered by Relles 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
u guys are having "nothing fights". these are when u start arguing over the stupidist things and they last for quite a while, this relationship is npt going anywhere
2006-11-09 00:32:29 · answer #8 · answered by music soothes the soul ♥ 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
He probably has no respect for you. Men don't like doormats. My advice is to give as good as you get, quit apologizing and act like you don't care. Show him that you are the prize here, not a needy charity case begging him to be with you.
2006-11-09 00:31:06 · answer #9 · answered by bsa527 1 · 0⤊ 2⤋
i dont know what to say except that i hate these kind of guys. they are really so full of themselves and egoistic. they make the women look bad and pathetic, begging for their forgiveness. tell your husband you wont stand for such behavior, esp not in a marriage.
2006-11-09 00:29:30 · answer #10 · answered by Anna D 4 · 0⤊ 2⤋