Is it fair?

Question

My husband...has turned so lazy every since we've started living together...i cant get him to take out the trash..do laundry if i go do the laundry and come back and ask him to go back and get it..hes like ugh no...ive repeatdly begged him...it takes me four trips to do the laundry..he wont clean up his dishes at all...he wont even put dishes in the dishwasher..he wont make the bed....he wont put up his own clothes....i really dont think its that fair that i have to do all the housework he does have a factory job and he does make more then me..he works 6:45 to 2:45 sometimes til 5 oclock. he gets an hour break...i work from 7 to 2 also sometimes til 5 and i only get a 30 minute break. then im supposed to come home and clean the house have all the laundry done and my daughter in bed...is it fair that this unnerves me that he doesnt help out? I mean guys are supposed to be the strong ones...how come they cant even take out the trash?! If i just leave it there and let it sit..

hell let it mold and stinky up the house before he takes it out....i odn tknow what happend to him..he used to do laundry and help out..but now all he wants to do is sit infront of the tv watch football day after day on our 56 inch tv..that im making all the payments for and its in his damn name! im tired of football and im tired of not having any help! is there anyway to make him wanna help? ive asked...ive begged...ive even told him! nothign works!

At the last added comments..i said ive asked him begged him and pleaded to him to help out around the house...so yeah ive asked...repeatdly

when i ask him he says hes too tired but he has time to play his football game...and talk on his phone...he says" he works more hours then me..a.nd my job maybe mentally challegning but he says his is physiicallly" ...hes been doing this job for over a year...i think the muscle should be built up by now

he has his car...but ive paid for all the new tires...new radio and his new speakers he just got in it....

Answer 1

It sounds like you both need a wake up call.

You're begged him--but have you asked him? Leave him a list for 3 things that he has to do for the day. If he doesn't finish it, he sleeps on the couch.

You both need to have a talk though. I'm sorry it's so frustrating, but you both need to communicate your needs. You shouldn't have to beg him. Does he know how much a clean home means to you?

And when I say you have to talk to him, I mean it. Turn off the TV, sit down with him, and have a heart-to-heart. He isn't going to know how upset you are if you don't tell him. It sounds like he really needs a communication lesson.

You aren't going to change his personality, but you can change his habits.

Answer 2

You shouldn't have to take out the garbage, that is a man's job. If you and him are working the same amount of hours, he should definately help out with the housework. Hopefully he does the yardwork, or car maintannance. Maybe you could tell him that you need to cut down your hours because you're so exhausted from working and all the chores and taking care of the child. I wouldn't do alot of housework, then maybe he'll do some if he sees it's not getting done, and supper's not being made. Try asking him when he's in a good mood if he could help out here and there, don't ask him when he walks in the door. Men, they're tough to live with!

Answer 3

I would be pissed if my husband didn't help me with the housework. I'm a stay at home mom, but he still has to take care of the garbage and clean up after himself. If your husband can't do those 2 simple things, you're in big trouble!!!
Hide the remote to the TV. Tell him, "you're not watching football or anything else until you take care of the damn garbage!" Try refusing to have sex with him if he doesn't help you with laundry. Have you tried that?! Sometimes refusing to have sex to get your way helps. Good luck.

Answer 4

Aww, I'm sorry. I'd be so pissed if I were in your situation too. I have some of an understanding. My sister STILL has that problem with her husband, but he's becoming a lot more helpful now around their house. As for me, I have to get after my boyfriend like I'm his mother to get him to do anything, but he isn't as bad as your husband. For us, it's usually just small things.... like putting his clothes in the hamper, leaving the toilet seat up, and taking the trash out. I just let it pile up (especially the trash) until he has to pick it up from the floor. lol

Anyhoot, you need to have a talk with your husband. If he doesn't straighten up, then you need to go on strike. Don't clean up at all (except YOUR messes), don't do the laundry (except YOURS.. and your daughter's), and don't cook supper. He needs to realize that the household doesn't run itself. He's feeling way too secure right now.... you know, thinking he has the wife now, so he can do anything and he won't lose you.

Give him a reality check.

If he doesn't shape up, I'd annul the marriage. You already have one child to take care of, you don't need to make that your daughter AND an adult "child".

Added 11/9/06:
Since you've asked him to help and he refuses, I don't see why you even bother with him and it's ridiculous that you bought new tires and all that for HIS car... unless it's a family car that you use as well. Your husband is a lazy j*rk. You work as well and you shouldn't have to clean up after his mess. He's treating you like you're his mother, cleaning up after him. He's acting like a complete slob. It's disgusting. Makes me think of my brother-in-law's sister. A year ago or so, she married this guy she had dated for a year or two. Now, she's maybe 18 to 20 years old. After they married, he became lazy and wanted to watch football all the time, play video games, and wouldn't help around the house. She left her husband 6-8 months after they married and now she's getting a divorce and she's happy. I think you need to really think about where this marriage is going. It sounds to me like you haven't been married for long. Do you really want to be cleaning up after this slob for years?

Answer 5

First of all stop paying for the TV let them come get the thing. Go on strike....fix things for yourself like dinner and such clean your own clothes. If this does not work tell him you are hiring a maid that he will pay for. If this doesnt get his attention LEAVE. Find someplace to go for a few days when he realizes how much you do for him he may wake up. GOOD LUCK

Answer 6

You are not being unfair.
Regardless of how much more money he makes - you are a team. Sometimes things make more sense in black and white- so write down all of the chores you are doing then write down all of the chores he does. Sit down together and let him see the issues. Decide to split the chores and if your daughter is old enough enlist her help such as loading the dishwasher or dusting.

Answer 7

This is why I will never get married again! That little piece of paper and those darn vows ruin everything in a once great relationship. It sounds to me like he is either just now showing his true self to you, or maybe he has just become too comfortable in the relationship to where he feels that he is the only one that matters....er rather maybe he has forgotten your needs. Tell him how it makes you feel and if he doesn't care, tell him you want to go to marriage counseling...if he's not up for the marriage counseling...he's probably not fully up for the marriage either.

I wish you much luck. Remember, you deserve to be happy too!

Answer 8

it doesnt matter who works more, your both in this relationship together. you need to sit down and talk withhim and tell him "look, you need to start helping out around here, because its really wearing me down" if he gets to be a jerk about it then blow him off and go about doing YOUR laundry and putting YOUR clothes away. soon he'll have no clean clothes and wont have no choice but to do it himslef. and if he asks you to do it be like...when i get to it, but i have all these dishes and cleaning to you, maybe you can do a load. what other option will he have. good luck, and youll think of some tricky ways to get him to help out

Answer 9

Tell him about your thoughts. Make sure he understands that he is a guy and he can do simple things like throwing away the trash.
If he thinks that only women does these household chores, tell him that he is the breadwinner and you should not go to work. The best thing to do is to sort things out with him.

Answer 10

Treat him like a child. Tell him if he doesn't start helping he gets no t.v. If he still doesn't help, post an ad in the newspaper selling the t.v. You should know better than get a 56 inch t.v. while living with a man anyway!!!