I have a prob. please try to be as open minded as pos. when reading this. When I'm satifying myself, my mind conjurs really abnormal fantasies- Extreme domination to me w/ abnormal creatures, Beastiality involving either horse or dog, & me a female w/ a penis forcing another female to finish me. I know these things are wrong & when im with my partner, these thoughts arn't there. I am hedrasexual, im not into women, its scares the crap out of me that the beastiality thing is such a turn on, and i really dont know what to say about the other. A little insight about myself is that i have been sexually abused from infancy to 17 then verbally,physically, and mentally to 22, i am now 24, & am learning how to cope with most of this but i just dont get this part. I dont feel like my private parts are special, i feel they are just flesh and feeling. Ive never had an internal orgasm with a man. Only with toys by myself. I dont keep a pet for fear of giving into temptation- Please help if pos.
2006-11-08 15:40:58 · 4 answers · asked by Anonymous in Social Science ➔ Psychology
dont worry girl just think of ur bf next time :D im sure ur one pretty chick
2006-11-08 15:43:09 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 2⤋
Given your history of abuse, your fantasies, as distasteful to you as they are, aren't "abnormal". A man who would sexually abuse a young child truly is a sort of "beast". For your mind to turn the only sexual "partner" you knew into an actual beast seems to make pretty good sense to me. It doesn't sound like bestiality in the traditional sense is the turn-on-- it sounds like your mind is putting a (sadly accurate) "face" on that which, for much of your life, provided certain physical responses.
You write that you are heterosexual and yet have a fantasy about dominating another femal... again, what you learned from infancy is that sex consists of a female being forced and abused. The shift that your mind is making (and it might be seen as a positive one) is that you are, at least in these fantasies, no longer the victim. Again, given your background, I hate to see you label yourself 'abnormal'.
Also understandable is your feeling that your private parts aren't special, but merely "flesh and feeling". I'm glad that you called them 'private', since they weren't allowed to be when you were a child. Again, on the positive side, the very fact that you describe that as part of your problem seems to show that, on some level, you really do believe that they are special.
In a real way, though, it's not those parts of your anatomy that are special-- it's the fact that they are part of YOUR anatomy... despite the fact that you weren't allowed to learn it as a child, it is you who are special, and your private parts are only one aspect of that. The physical violations may have been of your private parts, but what was violated was you-- and it was in no way your fault, anymore than a person just walking down the street and who's attacked by a pitbull is at fault. The pedestrian didn't "lead the beast on" by walking-- and you didn't "lead on" your molester. You were a child. The fault was not yours, at all.
You have, by your description, been through hell. You didn't write much about the relationship you are in, but I hope and pray that it's a healthy one... it is too easy for women who have been abused to gravitate to abusers, because they've been taught that abuse is what "love" is supposed to look like.
I've learned that people who've been seriously abused can be divided into two groups-- victims and survivors. Your letter-- and the very fact that you wrote it-- makes me think you're moving from the one to the other. I've also learned that it's almost impossible to do by yourself. Please, please talk to a professional therapist about your past-- one who understands and works with women who were abused as children. In most places there's some sort of hotline you can call for a good and safe referral-- either a rape hotline (because that's what those years of abuse were), or a mental health hotline. If there's not one in the phonebook, look to see if there's a 'women's center'. Failing those, look in the Yellow Pages (in much of the US, it'd probably be in the government 'blue pages' section, under county "mental health services" or something similar).
You're not "abnormal" for these thoughts, anymore than a person who got his finger badly cut is "abnormal" for bleeding-- these are symptoms of the way you were wounded, and it'd be abnormal not to have any symptoms. With help, and time, you will heal. Healing doesn't mean that what happened didn't happen, anymore than the healed finger was never cut. But healing does mean that what happened will no longer continue damaging you. It's like the difference between a victim and a survivor. To be a victim just means someone did something to you. To be a survivor means that you have real strength, real power. It means that no matter what was done, you survived.
What you wrote in your letter, and the fact that you wrote it, makes me think that you're headed in a good direction. Good luck... I wish you well.
2006-11-09 00:44:00 · answer #2 · answered by The Padre 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
The type of fantasies and your history of abuse is a concern. I would really consider talking to a therapist or counselor. A professional. You clearly have concerns about your sexuality and rightly so. Just the history of abuse alone would be an indication that therapy would be VERY useful and productive for you. As for being 'heterosexual', your sexual preference has NOTHING to with your condition as you described it. Please get some counseling as soon as you're able to. You won't regret it.
2006-11-09 00:31:01 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think it's normal to sexually fantasize...
2006-11-09 00:13:03 · answer #4 · answered by mshealerless 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋