My wife and i of 20 year will be geting a divorce soon (probably6 months). She agreed to after her affair (x2 but she only admits to recent one) was found out by me. Latelty I found out that a co worker recently divorced and we started to talk about the process. I have allowed myself to get fond of her ,but at the same time unconfortable because I am faithful to my vows. She is very attractive. I had a crush on her from afar when I first started working with her 23 years ago,but did not pursue due to shyness. Lost touch for many years. Now she is back, available and has not dated since her divorce 8 months ago. I'm looking at this and say life to short at almost 50 to wait to tell her how I feel about her until my divorce final.I believe somewhat in fate Would like to slowly connect and see what happens. Bad idea or OK? Can vows be honored yet tell her how I feel?
2006-11-08 15:40:27 · 19 answers · asked by gpwjeeper 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
If you have waited 23 years for this co-worker i am sure you can wait another 6 months until you are divorced..........honor your vows until then
2006-11-08 15:45:10 · answer #1 · answered by classy&sassy 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I believe you have your priorities a little screwed up. Why honor vows, when your spouse did not? You had a crush on this woman years ago, but didn't pursue her because of shyness, but not your vows. Welp, wife is having a relationship with someone else, you two are on the brink of divorce, if you know for a fact there is no way you two are going to reconcile, I don't see any harm in telling this woman how you feel.
2006-11-08 23:45:25 · answer #2 · answered by Lovebug123 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
If you are sincere about your divorce from your present spouse, than no it is not to early to start a relationship. However you should advise the new lady and take it slow until your divorce is nearer. You and her can date and have fun: and while your divorce is being finalized this will give you opportunity to know how you feel about her. As if you get involved sexually, this is a problem because yes you are be unfaithful to the soon to be ex,. Sometimes women know or feel if a guy will sleep around on one woman, than he may do her the same. So again, just give time time, after your divorce you and her can move on.
2006-11-08 23:50:34 · answer #3 · answered by VLEEKS47 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You didn't break your vows, your soon to be ex did. Of course you are free!!!!!! Ask the lady. I am way way older than you. My husband of 18 years betrayed our marriage. I left. Went to another state, and found the prince, on, of all places Yahoo Personals. The computer matched us up -- same politics, same ethics, same everything.......both from long marriages, (his, 30 years). We just wish we had met sooner!!!!! That was a year and a half ago..... Go for it sweetie. And if it doesn't work out with her, try the internet. Get that killer smile, from the best cosmetic dentist in your area, loose weight if you need to, get some great clothes -- yup spend some buckos on you -- at 50, you can afford it. Find that sweet lady, and be the best lover she ever had, and she will be the best for you too!!!!
Here's hoping you will get to know this lady well, and she is all you thought she was. If not, you put up a great profile on Yahoo, or Match.com, and you'll be flooded with great women. Yup, you bet, good idea. We get about 80 good years..... don't waste a second more. We are all meant to be with someone -- evolution just made us that way, and there is nothing better than being in the arms of someone you love, sweetie, nuttin'.......absolutely and positively nuttin'....
Hugs and kisses to you --- all the best.....Who deserves it more?????
2006-11-09 00:01:28 · answer #4 · answered by April 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Tell her how you feel. You are in the process of a divorce and your wife broke your vows. You don't owe her anything. If you have feelings for this woman and you don't make her aware of them now you might lose the opportunity if she meets someone else. Live in the moment for a change and do what feels right for you!
2006-11-08 23:55:27 · answer #5 · answered by Cashmere621 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I personally believe everything happpens for a reason, whether good of bad. You sound like a great guy, that you would still want to honor your vows. You could have many more years left to share your life with someone. I would certainly tell her how you feel about her, but also how you are feeling regarding your marital situation. She might really respect you for your honesty and integrity. What have you got to lose?
2006-11-08 23:55:52 · answer #6 · answered by kas126 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well, you have waited for 23 years, so what is 6 months to you. If it makes you feel comfortable. But at the same time , can get to know her more because you haven't met each other for 23 years. Many things can change in 23 years.
2006-11-08 23:54:26 · answer #7 · answered by Larisa 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Your vows were broken biblically and morally by your wife when she had an affair. you are no longer obligated to those vows ethically or otherwise. i think it would be gentlemanlike for you to wait until the divorce to go forward in those feelings but you can tell this lady in other ways ie..body language that you like her or you can be vague about it . like your a lovely lady, i appreciate your views on.?...you carry yourself very well...good luck. you sound like a great person and honorable as well. that is hard to find these days.
2006-11-08 23:44:53 · answer #8 · answered by ***BUTTERFLY*** 5 · 2⤊ 0⤋
I agree with the other answers that indicate that its not a good idea to get involved so quickly. I believe that it is in your best interest to focus on getting your divorce first and while you're doing that, also take the time to get to know yourself. You need the time to re-discover who you are. You have only known yourself as "so and so's husband" for 20 years now. Now you need to get to know the "you" that is yourself as your own individual. It will be well worth it. It will be very difficult, I know this. But anything worthwhile is usually a challenge. Also, it would not be fair to bring someone into your life and set them up for possible heartbreak. (I think its very difficult to fully give a relationship what it deserves if you dont have it to give - meaning 'if you are not ready for a relationship, you will not be prepared to commit to one, etc etc..). Hang in there, be strong, don't give in to lonliness... it's there to teach and to build inner strength. Good luck, God bless and Hopes that all works out well for you.
2006-11-09 04:03:01 · answer #9 · answered by zaytox0724 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I hear about this happening all the time maybe you two were meant to be together and now you are being brought to eachother but I think you should wait until you are divorced after that you are free to go and be with this lady but let her know to you want to wait until your divorce is final that is the decent thing to do
2006-11-09 00:07:10 · answer #10 · answered by Maria W 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋