I have reached the point where most of the feeling I have left for my wife is anger and resentment. No doubt I could be more sensitive and thoughtful in many ways but after 10+ years of trying I am not willing to try any more. So what happens next? Separation seems likely, although strangely (to me) I do not think my wife wants this.
2006-11-08 14:50:55 · 34 answers · asked by ten 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
You can't change people. You can try and change yourself first. I would try and seek counseling? It seems to me that you are at your rites end. You do love her but for what? Some times the heart grows fonder, if you are away? Maybe that your wife suffers from some sort of depression? I am sorry to hear this. I wish you the best.
2006-11-08 15:01:15 · answer #1 · answered by LA LA 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Maybe you are not speaking the right love language to her. You say you've been trying for 10 yrs. but have you been trying in a way that speaks to her? You should try reading The Five Languages of Love by Gary Chapman before you do anything drastic. After you are done with it have her read it, too. You should both go to counseling and work through things. Otherwise you will end up on a rollercoaster ride of unsatisfactory relationships and a boat load of guilt for what you did to your wife. By that time it will be way too late to salvage anything with her. Most people don't realize that relationships take a lot of maintenance. Marriages will have highs and lows - you are in a low right now and, chances are, you are either seeing someone or have met someone you want to pursue a relationship with and are trying to justify it to yourself by claiming that you don't love your wife anymore. This isn't something that 'just happens'. It is a conscious decision you are making. You hold the power to love or not to love. If you don't like the direction your marriage is going you simply gently reroute it and work to strengthen it. You will be a better person for it later than if you had simply jumped ship.
You also need to consider the consequences to your children, if you have any. You will be scarring them in ways that will continue to affect them well into their adult relationships. You need to teach by example - if you want to teach them to be quitters, that the sanctity of marriage and the vows they will one day take mean nothing . . . then go ahead and leave your wife.
2006-11-08 16:16:32 · answer #2 · answered by greyrider 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
From what you are saying, it sounds like you are the one who needs to "change". You didn't state what she was doing to cause the anger and resentment, just that you were angry and resentful.
If she is causing these feelings, and you have already discussed it, and she hasn't changed, then theres your answer.
If you are just resentful because you want something else, then you have decisions to make.
I would find a good Christian councilor (one invested in saving the marriage) and go as a couple if she'll go.
I would say if you have kids, do everything you can to save the marriage for their sake. But do it lovingly and with a healthy attitude for them!
If theres no kids, and you both agree theres nothing more to give, split.
Once you seperate, though, chances are you won't get back together.
Do everything you can to save it before splitting though, so you can go on with a clear conscience.
Good Luck and God Bless!
2006-11-08 15:00:57 · answer #3 · answered by my-kids-mom 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You are making a fundamental mistake. You have tried to change her for the last 10+ years. In trying to change your wifes behavior you have acquired anger and resentment. You married her cause you liked her as she was. Go back and accept her the way she is. I assure you will be happier and save your marriage in the process. You must try and be sensitive to her needs and be thoughtful in your actions. Bring her some flowers sometime and try to love her for what she is. Do not impose your will upon her, when she rejects it you will feel anger and resentment. Good Luck
2006-11-08 15:03:00 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
first off i think you really need to think about all the anger and resentment you have for her. And really sit down and think about why you feel the feelings you do for her. Does the bad out weigh the good or what. I mean its hard to throw away everything you worked so hard for withour looking back. No matter what if your simply just ready to get away and live the single life then go for it, but throw away marriage becuase you think it is what you need to do, there are plenty of ways of getting over stuff. Family is always number one to me and personally the only reason i would ever throw my marriage away would be becisae of infediltiy which i am totally against so with that being said make sure you do alot of sole searching beciase once you make that decision you have to stick with and the outcome may not be what you had hoped for. Good luck and i hope all goes well for you guys. As hard as it is to live life everyday, its even harder to let of something you might regret letting go of.By the way please emial if you want but i was just curious about why you have such harsh feeling towards a women you once loved???????????????
2006-11-08 15:31:39 · answer #5 · answered by prettygirl new orleans 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Do you have kids? Have you considered them? If you have children together she probably will change, if she is aware there is a problem. If you are the one with that much anger and resentment, perhaps you have the problem (I think you realize that by acknowledging you could be more sensitive and thoughtful). Talk to her about counselling before you make a decision. Separation/Divorce is a painful, horrendous and is very expensive.
2006-11-08 15:08:48 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
10+ years is a long time. Is there a valid reason for the anger and resentment? Have you sought counselling? Are there children involved? Is what's going on in your marriage detrimental to the kids? Have you done what you could to stay committed and respectful? Make sure you ask and answer all the questions before yo take the step you can't reverse.
2006-11-08 14:57:01 · answer #7 · answered by beautiful_heart 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Tell her whats bothering you and why...listen to her complaints/feelings come to an agreement...If you can't run to a lawyer, give her the boot, press on and have a super life...There are so many women out there that you can get along with it isn't funny..that will appreciate you for you and not for what you can do for them..right now it's almost 2 women for every 1 man in the US..Gee can you imagine what it's like in other countries where women out number men..Hey partner go for the gold you only pass this way once in your life..so make it the best for you and you will be happy..Nothing says we got to live for someone else or make someone else happy..while we are miserable..Life is to damn short to put up with unhappiness..Reach out for that big ring grab it and ride the good life.. has been for almost 15 yrs.. NO REGRETS after 18 yrs of marriage if you want to call it that Good Luck to you...
2006-11-08 15:14:39 · answer #8 · answered by flashrtp 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You HAVE to be willing to try. I had been in a bad relationship for 10 years and was to the point you are now. Church turned it around for us. Now she's more loving and caring than ever! I still have come resentment but things are getting better every day. IF you are still willing to try, I suggest you find a good church home. It really is true, the family that prays together, stays together. Good luck and God bless you whatever your decision is.
2006-11-08 14:58:29 · answer #9 · answered by rudee 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Sometimes a separation and dating can help bring the important things back to life in a relationship and make the spouses realize what they fell in love with in the first place. You can make this work and so can she! 10 plus years is a lot to give up without trying everything you can.
2006-11-08 14:54:48 · answer #10 · answered by Premo Mom 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋