Married bi female - am I cheating?

Question

My husband knew from the beginning that I was bisexual. I love him and the sex is wonderful, but I still want to sleep with women. Again, this has nothing to do with his sexual abilities or our love life in general. I do NOT want relationships with women, just casual sex. He cannot stand the fact that I want to sleep with another person. I tell him it is not cheating, and very different if I were to sleep with another man (or, for that matter, if he wanted to sleep with a woman). I understand where he is coming from, but it feels like he doesn't accept me for who I am. And no, asking him to join/watch will not help the situation. He really thinks we should be enough for each other. I just don't want to compromise anymore.

Answer 1

Okay you are one of the people I can't stand. You're using bisexuality as an excuse for infidelity, and thereby giving gay bashers excuses to pick on us. It's no wonder everyone thinks we are a bunch of pervs who hump everything that moves. Just because you are attracted to women and men doesn't mean you get both, it just means you have the option of either, unless you are a polygamist in which case it's okay as long as all of your partners are okay with it.

It's not that he doesn't accept you for who you are, it's that he seems to have developed this funny idea that a monogamous relationship should be monogamous. As a bisexual you should understand that having sex with a woman or a man, while it may feel different, is essentially the same. This isn't a big compromise, infact it's kind of an obviously necessary one. I would never cheat on my girlfriend with a man no matter how much I miss messing around with guys.

To sum it up, yes you are cheating and he deserves better, if you actually love him then you will leave your cheating ways behind.

Answer 2

To me, and this is just my opinion, if you are married (and it's NOT an open marriage) and sleeping with another person for whatever reason, then yes, it's cheating. Unless you set "ground rules" up ahead of time, you both made a promise to be faithful to each other. Again, this is just my opinion but if a person is having casual sex with someone other than their spouse/partner that constitutes cheating. I don't see it as being different just because you want to or are sleeping with another woman. In the end, you're still sleeping with someone other than your husband. Without knowing you or your husband, I can't really comment on whether or not he accepts you as you are. At the very least though, I would think that he's upset because you still want to sleep with people other than him regardless of their gender.

Answer 3

You don't want to compromise? I think the "compromising" you're doing right now is nothing compared to the compromising you're asking him to do so you can have it all.

Similarly, you expect for him not to engage in extramarital sex that he may enjoy, but you should be allowed to engage in extramarital sex that YOU enjoy.

Do you really not see this as selfish?

In my marriage, my husband and I have a rule. Sex can't include ANY third person. That excludes threesomes, cheating, swinging, web relationships or porn.

Put yourself into a similar situation. Say, before you were married, your husband really enjoyed one-night stands. That's what he was known for. Then he decided to get married to you. How would you feel if he said "it doesn't mean anything, I just really like sleeping with lots of different people, but I still love you so it's not cheating."? Or would you think it's not cheating if it's with a woman who doesn't look like you? Of course you wouldn't go for that. Why should he go for it when you say "You know, I really liked having sex with people other than you"(and here, since the gender doesn't matter to him, it doesn't matter in my example)"so I'm gonna just keep doing it, okay?"

Fidelity is not an unreasonable expectation, and if you want to continue to be married to the guy (and especially if you want to have a happy marriage), you need to get over this feeling that you're entitled to extramarital sex because you see a difference and manage to salve your conscience by saying it's not cheating just because you don't think it is.

I don't know what to think about the wisdom of marrying someone who is bi if you expect him or her to want only you from now on.

I would say you probably need to weigh how you feel about him against how badly you want to have casual sex with women. I really really don't think things can possibly end the way you want them to, with your husband happily married and waiting at home while you go have your flings when you need your lesbian-sex fix and then come home to him.

Translation: your marriage will be what you trade in for casual sex.

Answer 4

y did u marry ur husband if u still want to have a casual sex w/ other women? YES, u r cheating & u r insulting ur husband. if u dont want to compromise anymore then why not file a divorce? get a another partner which is a girl.. a girl that u love to have a casual sex.

Answer 5

You rob a bank or steal from someone's house,its still the same things.Its wrong.Its the same when it come to a relationship,whether you are with a man/woman,as long as you are attached,its cheating when you are involved with another person no matter is a he or she.You compromise?Serious?That totally a JOKE!You are selfish and ungrateful.And thats got nth to do with you being a bi

Answer 6

I'm in the same boat Honey. It isn't easy. I love my husband, but I can't help but want some casual sex from a gal. Never been any further than kissing, but I want to do more. My husband could even watch if he wanted to. But he doesn't like that kind of stuff. Sigh, what is a girl in my predicament to do?

Answer 7

In my humble opinion, seeking to have sex with anyone other than your spouse is cheating. Whether it is with a man or a woman. Say you caught your husband kissing another woman? Is it not cheating because he isn't having sex with her? I hate to say it, but if you are going to draw a line, you need to draw a straight one and find your sexual satisfaction with each other and no one else. I believe that is what the small print is on the marriage box says.

Answer 8

You are making it a bigger deal than it actually is. Just forget that you are a bi sexual and live your life like normal person. Americans make a big deal out of everything. I've never even heard of bisexuallity back in my country. I assume that it's not that we don't have any, it's just it's so abnormal that people shun it and just live like heterosexuals that they are created to be in the first place. Your husband is right in trying to make you a normal person. I think you should try to become normal too. I'm not sure if bisexaulity is a sickness, but maybe you can go to a doctor and see if there is a cure. Or maybe the cure is right in front of you, stop thinking you as one, and start to act like a woman that God has intended you to. Your husband is a very good man. If it were my husband, he probably would divorce me, or wouldn't marry me in the first place. Anyways, good luck.

Answer 9

How would you feel if your husband told you he had sex with a guy last week, but since it was a guy it wasn't really cheating? If you are married and having sex with someone other than the person you are married to, it is cheating.

Answer 10

no, it's not physically cheating, unless you are actually doing it.
I suggest, though some would say this is still cheating, is online "cybering", if you MUST try another female's attention.
At least, it's not a physical relationship...I mean, if you could do it just once in real life to "try it out" without having him feel like you are cheating, then I'd suggest doing so...
However, marriage IS compromise....I'd say, take my advice, find an online lover....