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I was very good to him never cheated on him and just did the best to make his life easier. We recently had a son that he adores but i hate him he's been lying and unforunately for him i always find out all the time he recently started dating someone and i'm livid as he lied he wasn't and was even still sleeping with me even though we cooled off for a bit. It pisses me off that i have to speak to him for our kids sake. I want to revenge. I'm not a violent person so revenge must be harmless but sweet. Any ideas?

2006-11-08 14:05:43 · 23 answers · asked by Miss J 2 in Family & Relationships Marriage & Divorce

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2006-11-09 10:49:25 · update #1

April G not sure u'll see this again but thanks for ur answer however just because i go by missy J doesn't mean i'm black i'm actually NOT!! I am educated with an MBA fyi just because i've been foolish in love doesn't mean i'm a low income deadbeat that needs to go back to school jeez how rude!!! Everyone else thanks for ur unjudgemental answers. I already feel better :-)

2006-11-09 10:54:20 · update #2

23 answers

Missy

Please don't waste anymore time or energy on this guy. Forget about revenge in the sense you're asking about, it's bad karma.

Now, the best revenge is to be civil and calm with him anytime you have to speak to or be with him for the sake of your son. People who have done a person wrong know it and they can never figure out why when their victim seems unshaken and can keep cool.

Infants can sense tension between their parents. Just because they aren't able to speak, it doesn't mean they don't feel. You could end up with a very cranky, colicky, nervous baby, who doesn't let you get any sleep.

I know you've heard it before, but two wrongs don't make a right; so try really hard to be the better person here. Forgive this guy and move on with your life without him as a partner. Put all of your energy into making a good life for you and your baby. Don't waste even one more minute plotting revenge that will make you even more unhappy in the long run. The longer you waste energy hating him, the longer it will take to get over him.

I wish you the strength to get through this.

2006-11-08 14:26:11 · answer #1 · answered by Ann F 2 · 1 0

Why revenge? That is really puzzling. He is sleeping with you, having children with you, and cheating on you. And you have been with this guy for two years!!!!! Why, why would you stay? Surely you don't love this guy, or his treatment of you..... or, good god, maybe you do, and that is sick....... Why are you even still there? Do you like not knowing where this guy is? It would turn my stomach to make love with a man who had shared himself within the day, or week or any amount of time, with another woman. You'll have to help me on this one. You say you "always find out all the time...." My god, does this guy screw anything? And is he producing children with them as well? Is this the environment in which you wish to live, and in which you wish to raise a child???? Damn, I'm even thinking that this question must be a joke. If not, you must not think you deserve anything better. I can't believe you are very happy in this situation, so if you remain much longer, you must like pain...... assuming that this is not a joke.

I clicked on your icon, and you are not set up to receive mail. Too bad.n I do receive mail, so go ahead and write me, and I'll answer.

Any ideas? Yes, for sure have a few sessions with a therapist to find out why you like the abuse. This isn't normal.......

2006-11-09 12:32:53 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0 0

I know when you hear the saying " be the bigger person" your prob. thinking why?.. I hate this man right now, but think about it in the long run, Why waste your time on him, just cut him off, IN ALL WAYS, except the child, its not the kids fault his dads a loser, but really, let him go and move on, show him your are better than him and stronger and find a man that will treat you the way you deserve to be treated and tell him, your over it and he cant hurt you anymore! I know its easier said than done but if you stay, and most of us do.. you will continue to allow yourself to be hurt, it will be enough revenge for him to see you with a good man and moved on with your life with out a second look back.

2006-11-08 14:32:09 · answer #3 · answered by littlebit02 1 · 0 0

For the love of your son, don't seek revenge. Revenge is only going to turn this battle into a war. You do NOT want that.

For the sake of your child, get over it. The guy is a loser, you unfortunately had to date him, and now he's a father to your child. You can't change that. What you can change is your attitude. You don't have to love him, but you do have to give him the chance to be a father.

Honestly, don't go the revenge route. This could turn into a very ugly custody battle, and don't think that you'll win just because he's a jerk.

2006-11-08 14:08:21 · answer #4 · answered by FaZizzle 7 · 0 0

revenge would be to suceede and do well, show dignity, never seek revenge. the best revenge is to find happiness, and find someone else to love. u seek revenge because you are hurt, and upset. u want revenge because u haven't forgiven him , to forgive him doesn't let him off the hook, it simply frees u from expecting anything more from him, especially in the form of an apology. just because we never cheated, and loved and were there for the other person, doesn't guarantee us a thing. when we enter into any relationship we just never know what will lie in our future. it isn't the hurt that is really important, it is how we handle it, because your true character will show in how u respond to this hurt he gave u that u didn't deserve. it is his loss , don't worry about him, just seek therapy for yourself .

2006-11-08 14:39:56 · answer #5 · answered by jude 7 · 0 0

Yeah, you're nuts, honey. Why did you have a child without marriage? Why are you still living with a guy who was cheating on you all this time?? Goddamn, you must like being a door mat. Any of my friends woulda been outa there in a flash, unpregnant, for sure..... Nuttin' worse than being a single mom, except being a black single mom. And you are a single mom, hon...You may be living with the guy, but you ain't married. And you don't even like him.......

Ideas?????? Yeah!!!!!
First, second third and last, you need a few sessions of counseling to see why your self esteem is so low, hon. Get over the revenge part, and find out why you are so self distructive, why you let a guy walk all over you, and why you are still wasting time and energy even thinking about him. You get the years you have now only once. You are spending them foolishly....... That, hon, is just plain stupid.
What ARE you thinking?
Again, get into counseling, and find out where your head is, and where it ought to be. Life should be fun. You ain't having any......
Secondly, get back into school and get an education. You will always be stuck in stupid, low paying jobs, dependent on some jerk of a guy that will have you trapped with a bunch of kids, while he is out screwing around, and you will have to put up with it because you can't support yourself. You are already in this situation..... get out of it. And get the revenge $hit out of your head..... dumb, really dumb. Get out, and go out with a better class of guy..... and to do that you gotta be a better class of lady....... get it???


Additional information. I still stand by what I said, sweetie. Nope, I'm white too, and educated, and have been married twice -- my husband was killed last year, but I have a solid relationship with another super sweet man, bright, educated can do anything and treats my like a princess ...all of my men have. We are a loving couple, and revenge is not part of our world, so just cannot understand your desire for revenge, and why you would tolerate a cheating relationship ... just can't understand --- beyond anything I would even regard as normal, and lots who answered your question said the same thing. You sent me a note but you are set up to not receive answers to any comments, so hope you get this. Revenge, hon, is a sickness. There is nothing more wonderful on this planet than to go to sleep in the arms of the man you love, and who loves you...to feel secure, loved and content, and for him to have those feelings for you as well...... There is nothing more wonderful than to awake in the middle of the night, and touch the man sleeping next to you -- not awaken him, just touch him, and know you are there for him, and he for you. You don't have this, and so you are being cheated of the reason to live and to love.....There is an old saying "What do they call people who do not use birth control? ans: parents". To do nothing, is a decision, hon -- to not protect against conception is to accept a pregnancy. Those who don't wish to be parents,or are not yet in a situation to properly support a child, make sure they are protected Do you have a degree? BA? BS, MA, No sweetie, I think not. You do not write as an educated person would write. My answer to you was not rude, it was based upon fact, and sound judgement. And others who wrote to you expressed the same judgment. Sorry for you sweetie, but a few sessions in therapy WOULD probably help you get your head on straight..... Write me directly if you wish: swan_silver2000@yahoo.com.

2006-11-08 15:48:07 · answer #6 · answered by April 6 · 0 1

If u want your revenge to be sweet then find a new man who will treat u with the respect u deserve.

2006-11-08 14:09:20 · answer #7 · answered by cheetah7 6 · 0 0

we always stay with ones who are clearly not right for us and then whoops there the baby. now you feel like you are stuck. you have to nip this in the bud at the beginning so you won't have innocent parties involved. but you are not stuck. let him go so he can hump all the bitches he wants before it's not a baby but aids that becomes involved. as far as revenge...... 2 words......child support slap it on him really big like he is p diddy .

2006-11-08 14:12:22 · answer #8 · answered by sngozig 3 · 1 0

Child or not, old habits die hard. you need to remove yourself from the situation. Only then will you truly see the light. Revenge just complicates things. Chalk it up as a loss and move on...please trust me on this one!

2006-11-08 14:09:38 · answer #9 · answered by Robert B 7 · 1 0

Is that what you want to teach your son? Think about it for a bit and then reassess. I honestly hope that's not what you really want to do. Let it go, let him see his son, let him support his son and get on with your life. Remember, you knew he cheated on you and yet continued a relationship with him and also chose to have a child with him. It was your decision as much as it was his, you have to take some responsibility for it.

2006-11-08 14:11:27 · answer #10 · answered by FaerieWhings 7 · 1 0

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