My husband says that he loves me and that I'm a good wife. So why does he treat me the way that he does?

Question

My husband says that he loves me and that I'm a good wife. So why does he treat me the way that he do. He stays gone all night and don't come back until the morning and he also curses me out and call me names. So how does a man tell you that he loves you but treat you like you're not worth anything, when I'm the only person that's been with him through thick and thin.

Answer 1

because u let him! he is taking u for granted. u got to leave, coz he is not going to change, I'm sorry for u, but that is the way it is, two can love each other but still be very bad for each other get out while u have a chance at a little dignity. that i think is your only option sorry. all the best oxo

Answer 2

This sounds exactly my parents' marriage. From what I heard from my poor mother, my father married her eagerly because she was a very lovely lady among her sisters and she comes from a political background.But because of race issues, my father controls her and call her a useless race, etc. Pity my mother during that time. Along the way we children were born and my mother tried her best to bring us up properly (she loves good-breeding) and always by our side no matter what. Eventhough my mother and I have different point of views and in some in personality and we may argue sometimes, but I respect her so much because she has such a strong mind inside her in a fragile petite body.
Now, no matter how smart my father was and think that his race is the best in the world (not being a racist), I see him as a dependant person and miserable. He loves to criticise especially me (I found out from his family that women are the weakest) because I refuse to speak his mother's tounge or act in certain ways he want me to be...not that my mother would fully agree anyway.
So now, my mother is having her own small law firm, people loved her company because of her sweet nature (but she is also strict) and such lady presence.And slowly she gets work here and there because people trust her fully. She's hardworking, thinks of the home and work and investment and us children. She kept on telling us no matter what, she wants us to be well-off before she 'goes'.
And eventhough I hear my father yelled at her still without good reasons, jealous of her, and all yet says he stills need her and loves her...I somehow find it 'bull' but seeing my mother praying and praying and being calm...I know she is being the stronger one in the marriage, not physical but almost everything.

So, I don't know really. Maybe if you make yourself a very much better person and thinking to yourself that you are a strong person...then do what is right for you. Everybody have different ways to settle. My mother knows she is a better person but still wish to maintain a family. If it was me...probably I walk away. It is up to you. =)

Answer 3

Your husband has problems that only he can deal with. at least yours tells you he loves you. If I were you I would make him spend the nights at home where he belongs. Or on another note he is having an affair and the I love yous are just a cover up because he feels guilty. Sorry if you do not like this answer but you might have to dig a little bit deeper

Answer 4

How is he saying it?

Is he looking you directly into your eyes and sincerely expressing his love for you?

Nobody on the internet will be able to accurately judge what is going on, because we are not there to see what is going on. You can, however, do the same thing any other objective person would; look at it like he was with one of your girlfriends and doing what he does, saying the things he says the way he says them--what would you tell her to do?

Ultimately, it comes down to the good old saying "actions speak louder than words". If you truly love someone, as you do him, then you are concerned how they feel about you--like you are him-- and would not intentionally do things to hurt them.

Thing is, if something happens on a regular basis, by anyone's terms, it is intentional and not a mistake.

Hope this helps, and good luck! :)

Answer 5

Because he can. Because you let him. Because you put up with it from him. Does allowing your husband to stay out all nite with God knows who or what only to return to curse you out, (by the way, that's his way of reversing the guilt and trying to scare you) He's a big man isn't he? If all that makes you "a good wife", for allowing all this to continue, ask yourself, is that what you want to be? Maybe he knows you won't leave or make him leave. Maybe he knows you "need" him too much.

Answer 6

just because we are good wives, and we have been there with that person when they need u, doesn't mean they will do the same for us. when a man truly loves us, he thinks about his mate's happiness, i wouldn't believe his flattery of him saying your a good wife, it's just a form of manipulation, if their actions don't match up with what they are saying. doesn't matter how many years or how much you have been there in his need, he doesn't really care, all that matters to him is forfilling his own needs, and doing what he wants, even if it hurts u. set some boundaries with him, confront him and tell him how hurt u are over his behavior. if he doesn't own up to it, or places blame on u, than you have to decide if your really happy with your life, and if u aren't than u have to make some changes for u.

Answer 7

Men can be funny creatures to understand. He does that because you are a good wife and you tolerate it.marriages can become safety nets for our insecurities. But what men fail to realize is that their conflicting behaviors and treatment can sometimes lead to diear consequences. You need to put your foot down and demand some respect, since he loves you. Give him some ultimatums

Answer 8

Because he has issues....and because you allow him to treat you bad......Of course he thinks your good.....you've stayed with him through thick and thin....and you let him stay out all night,treat you bad,curse you......and your'e still with him......Damn you are a good wife.....
When you have had enough.....you will do something different.....I hope.....

Answer 9

He's got mental issues. Staying out all night?! He better be logging in hours at a J-O-B, sistah. I have no doubt he is feeling guilty about his philandering. (screwin aroun) I'm not jokin to you, you need to put that man straight, or let him be to his devices. He will destruct himself and you in the process...that's no good for the kids.

Answer 10

u r letting him think he can control you by not saying anything about what he says or does. next time he does anything like you said tell him to knock it off no matter how hard it is for you to stand up to him. if you keep letting him do this soon it might escalate and it wont be pretty and i dont want something bad to happen.