My wife is a stay at home mom....am I asking to much of her?

Question

She has been at home for 5 years now. We have a 4 year old boy and 2.5 year old boy. We have a solid middle class life style on my salery. We have to manage it but money is not the issue here. I was so pround at first that I could enable her to stay at home with our kids and she was happy and all was well. Now days she does not do as much as she use to (at least in my eyes) We fight all the time. She does not cook and when she does it is not on time. I do not even care if she orders out just have something on the table when I come home. The house is not as clean as it use to be. I sometimes do not have clean and iorned shirts and pants when I get up to go to work. I know that I am going to get lots of bad responces about this but I work hard and long hours and she did set a president by doing it for the firt 3 years. Anyone else gone through something like this.

Answer 1

I am a stay at home mom of 2 children my husband bring home the money she has to do her part you need to be honest and tell her i always have dinner and the clothes done and the kids or always clean she has to do her part

Answer 2

Man do i know what u r going through. I own my own painting contracting business and i put in at least 70 hours a week and when i am home at a reasonable time i like to spend time with the kids. My wife doesn't do really much of any thing around the house and she is always complaining about this and that yet if i mention the house not being clean or my laundry isn't done she gets all pissy at me like its my fault. I have learned to just deal with it and i make sure that the things i need are done by me, i know its not the best deal but at the same time she is great with the kids and that to me is more important then the house being clean or my meal ready when i get home. Marriage is a two way street so you both have to give alittle. Maybe she is trying to tell u something but doesn't know how to, take her out for a nice dinner and talk about it, Good luck

Answer 3

Did you want a wife or a housekeeper?

Has it even occurred to you to ask her if she is happy?

How much time do you two spend doing anything together away from the kids?

I have been a stay at home mom for most of the 18 years my husband and I have been married.

At first I loved it, and I liked not having to go to work outside the home every day.

But as the years rolled by, I realized that I had become "responsible" for everyone's laundry, meals and cleaning. It is expected of me. I never hear how well everything is done. I hear laundry lists, grocery lists and lists of complaints. I might as well not have a brain in my head; as long as the meals are "on time", everybody 's happy, and it never occurs to anybody to ask how my day was or offer to help so that I can have a "day off".

I understand that being a homemaker is "my job" for now. But the lowest job "out there" has benefits, time off and paid vacation. This one doesn't.

I am getting an education. I am getting a job soon. And I hate to say it, but I wouldn't mind getting out of here.

So be good to your wife, and at least try to find out where she's coming from. Listen to her. Pull your weight. Take the kids off her hands and be a father. Put the kids with a sitter and be a husband.

But most importantly, put her needs before yours every so often and be a friend.

Answer 4

Well I am a house wife/ Mother and it can be hard on us.......you kinda do have a point, the boys are older and when they were babies she was able to do alot more.........but have you ever thought that maybe she needs a break and could possibly be burnt out........I know I get tired of doing the same crap everyday for the past 2 1/2 yrs.......I try to keep my house pretty clean and I take care of the kids and almost everyday I cook for my husband.....weekends are my day off! I don't iron his shirts, he takes them to the dry cleaner and drops them off before work and picks them up after work....I do however do the laundry and stuff like that so that he has clean underwear, under shirts and socks........all he cares is that the house is semi clean, the kids are clean, fed and happy and he told me that he would be happy with 1 cooked meal a week cause he knows that there are days when these kids can be totally nuts and i am pulling my hair out but my kids are 2, and 4 months........I admit, there are days that I slack off but i just get tired of doing the same crap everyday and I just want to have a whole day where i can sit and enjoy my kids......

You go to work and come home, you leave your work at work. She can't do that. her work is the house, u and the kids and she is stuck at work 24hrs a day 7 days a week........how would you feel if you had to deal with the same crap all day and then your husband comes home bitching because food is not hot and on the table as soon as he walks in the door?

Answer 5

If it's what you agreed to early on and she did it for the first 3 years, something changed. You should talk with her about this. Don't argue. Be open, honest, and most importantly - Calm. It may be an attention thing. What do you do when you come home? Are you a dictator? Do you help out? Maybe taking on one or part of the responsibilities may help. I know you work all day, but look at what she does. Cooking, cleaning, bill paying, errand running, Laundry, making sure the kids are fed, safe, picked up, etc. Do you think she may be bored in her job too? Think about doing laundry for 4 every week....snore. And if you start in on why something wasn't the way you wanted it, BAM, you are the bad guy. She is your partner, not employee. I believe she should manage the house more than you, but something happened where it changed.

Good Luck.

Answer 6

i don't plan on giving you a negative response. but maybe point out a few things to you. taking care of children is a full time job as im sure you are aware. there are going to days that dinner may not be on the table when you get home. but, this should not be an every day event. also i don't see anything wrong with you ironing your clothes. maybe your wife sees it as you don't help much around the house so she wont either. you work long hours well so does she. why not put a little spark and fire back into her. give her a call from work out of the blue and say hey hon, I'm going to stop at the store and pick up something for dinner what do you say to you and i cooking together. or calling her and saying hey find a sitter i want to take you out for dinner tonight. i have this feeling she is cooped up in that house all the time with the kids. so, she needs some spark put back into her life. and trust me this will help you in the long run as well.

Answer 7

I'm not going to give you a nasty response. I feel your pain. What's probably going on is that these two children are both at ages that are particularly challenging for the parent who takes care of them most of the time. Active kids in this age range require constant supervision that can be draining for the adult doing the supervising.

You might want to try starting the boys in a good day-care program so that some of your wife's time becomes her own again, and see if household order improves. If it still doesn't, you might want to have a frank discussion with your wife and say you want to help...What's not working in the household, with the result that things are a bit chaotic and meals aren't on time? What can the two of you do to make it work? What does she need and what do you need to make your lives run smoothly?

I am actually of the old-fashioned opinion that the wage-earner in any relationship IS entitled to on-time meals and clean laundry. Most jobs are so taxing that it is really unreasonable to expect the wage-earner to come home and then pitch in with housework and child care. But I do not believe that the stay-at-home must do all those things with her/his own hands, and if money is not an issue and hiring someone solves the problem, I say hire someone to help.

Answer 8

Since you work long hours, you may have no idea how much work it is to take care of two toddlers. She is probably getting burnt out. It is a lot to expect someone to have dinner at the perfect time, to iron clothes for you, to clean up after young children, take care of said children, and be happy all the time.

You may see it as enabling her to not have to work, but she may increasingly feel trapped in a life devoid of meaning. You shuld ask her, in a non-confrontational way, what it is that she would really like to be doing right now, and give her as much support as you can.

If she really wants to be a stay at home mom, some little things you could do are have the clothes professionally cleaned, hire a maid to clean house ocasionally, and most of all make sure she knows how much you appreciate the work that she does.

Answer 9

WOW buddy sounds like maybe she might be going threw depression or maybe feels worthless. I am a stay home mom and wife I cook clean laundry hell I even take care of the yard. But a few times I didn't my husband didn't say anything this went on for awhile finally I just stopped everything we sat and talked I told him I feel like I am just a house *****. He asked me what I mean I told him well you don't say how nice the house looked when I did clean so why should I clean, This conversation went on and on. Well now a days I still do everything and he will mention to me on how nice things look and always ask me if I need a helping hand. Makes a person feel very good when the other person notices things.Have you ever told her how well things look? Us women are funny on things like this. Get that romance a rolling build her back up. Let her know you notice things and she is still the love of your wife,You might see the changes. Let her go shopping without the kids you stay home and take care of everything once in awhile. My husband tells me to go on a shopping spree that I deserve it.

Answer 10

Hi,
Maybe she needs a break . Well it may sound difficult for you working for the family, but just imagine her all alone with the children till you come back, sometimes she will be longing for you to be back. Trust me small kids are not so easy to be handle.
Even i stayed at home taking care my 1 month baby till nearly 7 month. Sometimes i couldn't have my bath, (peaceful bath) i could not eat ....I imagine it was just one baby and your having 2 kids.
I felt so stress everyday more ever when my hubby comes back late... Very depressing and dissapointing.you know something, when u expect a lot from your partner a relationship dont really turn well. Why dont for a change you cook for her,
Maybe Sunday,s bring her out, plan something with her, leave your children with her baby sitter. Be romantic back again.
A great idea, why dont u give her some time and talk to her, maybe suggest to get ur mom in law or ur mom to baby sit them. She can go for classes or work. She needs a new enviroment.

Answer 11

Like most women, she has probably had a gutful of the daily grind. She has 2 YOUNG children that take up most of her time, and if your shirts are unironed, get the iron out and iron them, if there's no food on the table, learn how to cook. You may work long hours, so does she. Just keeping 2 kids amused all day is enough to do your head in. When you knock off from work, you finish for the day. Her day never ends. The only respite she gets is to let things slip: not iron, not cooking. Give the poor woman a break.