Should I tell him?

Question

My husband has stopped sharing a lot of things with me just after he started having his affairs.Though he earns 3 times as much as me he has borrowed lots of money off me and promised to pay me back in time to pay my bills he never has.Now that I am in a bit of debt (due to lending and not being paid back) he is questioninig me about what I do with my money.My first instinct was to tell him paying bills that I could not pay after lending him and not getting any back)but as usual I did not.He again with everything else with me became highly critical and started swearing and as usual I just kept my mouth shut.

He thinks he's paying me back by buying £50 in groceries every month

Answer 1

Show him the door and make him walk............

You deserve better, and I think you know it

Respect and look after yourself, it doesn't sound like he does.

Good Luck

Answer 2

This man is using you and being emotionally abusive and you're allowing him to do it. Please do not enable him any longer. As long as he knows he can take advantage of you, he will be more than happy to do it. Do you have any proof that any of the money you gave him was a loan? He knows he's in the wrong, which is why he starts getting critical and abusive with you when he's cornered - everything is everyone else's fault to him, people MAKE him act certain ways or do certain things. WRONG! He is responsible for his own actions. Tell him he has X amount of time to repay you. If you have proof these were loans, if he doesn't pay you then you can file a petition against him. However, if you have no proof, consider it an expensive lesson to learn but NEVER loan him money again, and whenever he gets emotionally abusive don't sit there and take it. He has little or no respect for you and it doesn't sound as if you have much for yourself either. Let him know that you cannot pay your bills because of the money you've given him. Since you're married, your bills are his and his are yours. Check into garnishing his wages or setting up a payment schedule for him to start paying you back. If he doesn't, start selling or give up any extras that will allow you to have better finances. I would also suggest that you get your own separate checking/savings account that he can't touch in any form. Good luck to you!

Answer 3

Looks like he's nothing but a taker. Why are you still with him if he's having affairs? Stand up for yourself! If he's cheating on you, he'll eventually leave you for good one day and all you'll have to show for it is a bad credit history and empty checking account! Put some of the bills in his name so that he has more financial responsibility or, perhaps, you should take over the household financial matters. Women have a place in this world, but it is most certainly not under a man's thumb. Take control of your situation. Document where all the funds are going so there is proof you can show him the next time he points an accusing finger your direction.

Answer 4

First of all yes you need to tell him. And secondly I hope you are not paying these bills by yourself. Cause marriage is a partnership thing. And one should not do no more than the other. So really by you saying he never paid you back. Sweetie it's the both of you money. Remember once you married him you two became one whole. So the word is ours not mine, or his it's our. And you putting up with this kinda mess and he has had an affair on you. Chile he would be worshiping the ground I walk on. Make him RESPECT you all over again.

Answer 5

Hi love. Im a bloke and i know how it feels to have a partner go off and shag someone else. My wife did it while i was away doing a tour with the army. My life went down hill and i landed up in military prison coz of it. Anyway.
Your so called husband sounds like a right mug !!! GET RID!!!
He is using your dosh to get his legover then blaming you for being skint!!
You have multiple choices here. I will be as direct as poss coz im good like that.
1) You could keep throwing cash his way to keep him happy, so that he can go off and shag more birds, and at the same put you at risk from some nasty little STD. Thats assuming you still have sex with him of course.
2) You could give him his marching orders , contact your solicitor and divorce the ********. Also you could take him to the cleaners in court. That way you would get some if not all money back and you would more than likely end up with the house.

What you need to do my love, is say to yourself "Can or could i cope with another 5 or 10 years of this idiot. " All the time your with this husband of yours , is less time you could be with somone who treats you with the respect you want and deserve.
Whats happening is your paying indirectly for some bird to shag your husband! Sorry if it aint what you want to hear love,but its true. Shout louder than him ! Swear worse than him and kick his **** out the door . HE IS A PONSE!!
You deserve so much more. Life is far to short to be suffering.
Thats it , ive had my rant!! Would love to know how you got on love. Change your life in the right direction. Trust me you will feel better.

Answer 6

No. Tell him nothing. He's knows exactly what has happened to all your money.

He sounds like a bully, a manipulator and money pincher.

He is making you feel insecure because of his continual criticism. This will eventually wear you down and you may lose everything, your job, your house and your sanity..

Go and see a financial adviser or Citizens Advice to get your debt problems sorted out.

Then go and see a lawyer and take him for every penny you can.

Answer 7

Well you are husband and wife and first of all you both should be paying the bill's. and not just one. i does not work when only one person pays the bills and the other one just blow's there money .and if he was any type of man and love;s you went he stated in marraige he would sit down and work things out so that both of you understand each other and how each of you feel. i wish you good luck.

Answer 8

you should tell your husband where to go because at the end of the day hes not really supporting you your the one supporting him, if he earns twice as much as you why is he taking money off you, you need to sit down with him an tell him if he doesnt pay all the money back then you wont give him any more, the way i see it is hes just using you for your money.

Answer 9

why are you still with him. he has affairs, he uses your money to pay for his affairs and to buy his present bit on the side nice stuff, then when you are skint and need your money back to pay bills he shouts at you and makes you think everything is your fault. you deserve better than this, so leave him, pay your bills and then enjoy your life. as long as you stay with him you will always be treated like a doormat so leave him.

Answer 10

You deserve better that that foul git. Get divorce, take the blighter for all he is worth. And, yes, I am a male, but fair is fair. He's using you as others have said.
I know it will hurt, because you will be forever cutting ties, but you owe it to yourself, and if you have them, your children to have payments officially required.
Also, it is none of his fecking business how you spend your money. I am willing to bet you are not spending ANY on whores.
If he weren't scum of the earth I would call him a "Prat" but I would not want to insult the lot!

Answer 11

Sorry love, you have to get out of this. He's attacking you to fend off his own guilt, he's manipulative, selfish - oh - just dump him.

Please make a note of all you have lent him. From now on, record all financial transactions between you. Keep a diary of events, too (you'll need someone to confide in!) and see a solicitor soon as poss.