add on to.... need some advice.?

Question

First of all I am 21 and going to college. I don't appreciate the rude judgemental answers, I don't get home until 9:30 because i work a full time job and go to school at night. My fiance works as well so he doesn't spend very much time with his daughter at all. I dont care about going out on the town... that had nothing to do with my question. As for the porn I think it is degrading to women and if I have talked to him and told him how I felt he shouldn't look at anymore out of respect for me. But yet he did. We do make time to be alone sometimes and when we are alone I feel so distant from him. Thanks for all of the great answers to the ones that weren't rude. It is helping me to sort through all of this mess!

Answer 1

You don't have to defend yourself- most of the "rude" ones have time to think up witty harsh remarks because they aren't in college, working and raising children. I say "Way to go Girl!"

Now, about the porn issue: I take it that you feel your fiance's interest in porn somehow violates your value system. You then seem to insist that he can not truly love you, value your beliefs, and honor you if he continues to look at it.

Men just don't see it that way. Now he's probably hearing it like you disapprove of HIM (because he likes it) and that you are telling him what to do. Two things that a man really doesn't want.

Could you back up a little and maybe rephrase it so he has an option to get his kicks in a way that is Not disrespectful to you? Would you be okay if he had some alone time with his porn so it's not like right in your face?

I really hope you can find a win-win and both of you can feel your needs are valued. Best wishes to you all.

Answer 2

Doesnt matter how important or how sensitive a question is, there are always people who are going to be rude. They get their kicks that way. I have seen some really scarey questions about a person wanting to kill themselves and even sensitive questions like those you get the freaks answering. They get off on being rude....probably werent loved as a child. Just brush them off like they deserve, they are not worth your concern. I wonder if they would be so full of themselves and rude in person....I bet not...its easy to hide behind a computer and say horrible things. Just take all the good stuff people say and use it to your advantage...the other stuff throw away, its not worth your time even thinking about it.

I wish you well with your situation.

Answer 3

Hon, you and he have quite tight schedules. Right now rely on the friendship that drew you into your relationship. You're not home a lot. He is. You daughter is taken care of. What gives you a right to dictate what he does with his few spare moments? Is punishing him or manipulating him going to change his behaviors? No. He's just going to think you're a total *****. Leave him alone. He's home. He doing what he needs to do. Admire what he does right. Leave what he doesn't alone.

Answer 4

Hi Lori,
As long as there is nothing unethical going on there, why does it bother you so much? If he looks at it and shares with you, there shouldn't be a problem. He will only hide it from you and that will cause the distance that you are already feeling. If his whole life revolves around it then he does have issues. If you love him what he needs has to be examined even if your a little uncomfortable with it.