Should I leave him?

Question

My husband and I have been married for 2/12 years now, but lately its been falling apart. We are constantly yelling and fighting (not physically) all the time. I am worried about the impact this will have on our children (a 2 year old and a 10 month old). It can't be healthy for them to live in an environment of screaming parents. I tell my husband not to yell in front of the kids but he still does it all the time. I'm a full time student, and I work part time, and commute 45 minutes each way everyday. I'm trying to better myself for my family and our future, but he doesn't appreciate it. He just gets mad that the house isn't spotless. I don't know what to do. I'm miserable and sick of fighting and not being appreciated for all that I do for our family. Should I leave him?

We've been to counseling once but my husband wasn't very cooperative.

Answer 1

If your fights are all about the cooking and cleaning that can be solved. Did you think of lightening your load a little bit ? instead of being a full time student how about taking classes like 2 or 3 days a week so you might have some more free time for your self and the family ? Do you have family that might be willing to help out ? baby sit or help with the cooking ? Ask your husband for help, designate one day over the weekend to clean house.. start bright and early.. then make it a family day and go to lunch or dinner with your husband and kids.. ask him to pitch in by helping not criticizing. You are not - none of us are - super woman.. think of it that way.. it doesn't hurt to slow down a little for the sake of your happiness and your family and kids Makes you a better mom .. kids don't need a highly educated mom if that means constantly fighting with their dad and tension in the household. Best of Luck

Answer 2

You don't say how old you are, or more to the point, how old he is. He sounds very immature. Some people change and grow up as they grow older but it might take a long time and it may never happen at all. If the marriage is only 2 1/2 yrs old maybe it is best to seperate for a year or so. Insist that if he wants to get back together he will have to get anger management counselling b/c you refuse to live with him this way. Unless somethg changes you and the children will not have a happy life.

Answer 3

If you still love your husband then you'll only be back..so think about that first.

If you are that miserable, then the children can't be too happy either with all the fighting, so maybe a parting of the ways between the two of you for a while might be a good idea.

Sometimes people don't know what they have until it's gone!!
Counselling is another good idea as others have suggested.

Answer 4

Can ya'll afford to have a cleaning service come in once a week or so? Maybe it'd take some stress off the situation.

As for the constant bickering, that's a tough one. I HATE it when children are exposed to the tantrums of angry parents. It slowly wears away their security.

Please sit down with your husband when things are calm and you can talk alone together. There could be job pressures or other issues totally not related to a spotless house and he's uneasy about sharing that with you.

You owe it to yourself and your children to give him benefit of the doubt and try a little longer. If you really work at it 6 months or more and STILL nothing pleases the guy...then you have your answer.

I hope this helps. Good luck.

Answer 5

I hope you didn't get married because you were pregnant. That is the worst thing anyone could do. It may seen logical to everyone, "Oh, she's pregnant, so they better get married, so that baby will have a stable life", but it ususally has very poor results. You need to do whatever is best for those children. If it was just you, that would be different, but they are the priority here. If you feel it would be best they were not around him, then that is what should be done. But you have to think of all of the consequences as well. Court, jobs, money, etc. Think long and hard about it. If you two are just together because of the children, it is only going to get worse. Sit down and have a long think. Weigh the Pros and Cons.

Answer 6

This is a decision that only you can make. You know its not healthy for your children to watch the fighting. Could he be concerned of other things with you gone so much. Does he fear your going to leave him? I would suggest a heart to heart talk, or even counseling if that is a possibility, which I know, with life so busy now, how to add that in. But your seriously talking about your marriage and ending this. Could you agree to maybe some compromise, clean the house on your day off and if it gets messy during the week to overlook for now until your done with school. Sounds like you are trying to better yourself and having two little ones its tough. Good luck to you, open communication is the best. Sometimes we fight about the little things, when really its the bigger things that we don't want to admit.

Answer 7

Hon if he wants the house spotless tell him it's not just a woman's job, so get off his butt when he gets home from work and do it, you have your hands full enough. It sounds like he is starting to feel guilty about coming home and doing nothing, while your so busy. He is trying to make you feel guilty that your not doing your part by using guilt and trying to get you to either quit your job or school. My feeling is he wants you to quit school, why?? he is either jealous or afraid he is going to lose you for getting a better education and meeting someone worth while that would help out around the house instead of fighting with you about getting it do. Your choice if you leave him. If it was me I would because I believe that a marriage is 50/50 and that includes cleaning the house and my(second) hubby knows it!!! Good Luck And Take Care

Answer 8

A couple of questions first.... Does he work?
If so then he should understand why the house is not spotless.... and what is that any way? house spotless? sounds like to me he is feeling guilty and wanting to vent on you! guilty about what who knows with men! maybe he broke some rules at work, took a longer break than usual, spent more money than he meant to? you need to sit him down and talk... if he refuses to talk then just ignore him and his yelling until he is willing to talk and not yell.
You are a human being after all not to mention his wife, Marriage is a two way street . You both have responsibilities especially when there are children involved. I wish you Luck!

Answer 9

Don't leave him, work it out. I was in the very same situation with my husband. We were married for about 2 1/2 years with two babies and I was a full-time student, full-time mom, and I even worked part-time as well. When my husband started yelling at me alot and slamming doors and etc., I also thought of leaving him. I spent many a night crying about the situation. We went to our preacher for counseling, which was free. And that helped some. But finally I forced him to speak to his doctor about what was going on with his behavior. As it turned out, he was diagnosed with a mood disorder that caused him to pent up all his feelings of stress, aggrevation, anger, and etc. from throughout the day and release all of that negative energy at me because he felt comfortable enough around me to do so. The doctor put him on Zoloft and after a couple of weeks, my hubby was back to his sweet self. Try to see what the underlying cause of his behaior is and then you'll have a chance of resolving some of the problems. But remember that your children need a daddy in their lives, and also that the very first time that anger turns into something pysical, then it's time to leave. I wish you the best of luck with your situation!

Answer 10

I agree with others that said you should seek counseling. That's what my husband and I did when our fighting got to be too much and it really helped to have a third party perspective. Plus, the time to discuss your problems is when you are both calm and not all worked up with anger. The difference between our situations though is that we did not have children. For their sake you have to make a change, sooner rather than later.